My wife won't talk about my diabetes because....

[semiphonic]

She thinks that she has the D but she doesn't want to know about it. Really. She can't support me and my trying to deal with it because she thinks she has it, but would rather not diet or sort it out because she 'might have cancer'.

No

Really

You couldn't make this **** up right?

 

[pavlosn]

Is there any reason why your wife thinks she has diabetes or even that she might have cancer?

If what you write was not so tragic it would be quite funny. Or maybe it is funny because it is tragic


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[Dogbutler]

Hi Semiphonic
Sorry to hear about your wife's distress and the knock on effect it's having on you. As Pavlosn asked, is there any reason for her fears?
There's such a huge difference between suspecting diabetes (which, while not pleasant, is manageable) and cancer which is, to my mind at least, bloody terrifying.
If you don't mind me asking, do you have children? I'm just wondering if she's worried about you both having serious conditions and the possibility of not being around for the kids.
For both your sakes I really hope you get to the bottom of this, and the only way to do that is to talk.
All the best

 

[Avocado Sevenfold]

Oh dear. As you obviously can't force her to be checked, I guess all you can do is try to reassure her and lead by example. She may come round when she sees what great improvements you are making to your health through your own lifestyle changes.

I hope she does come round soon, for her eye checks if nothing else. All the best, semiphonic.

 

[Scandichic]

Who does the cooking?

 

[semiphonic]

First of all, please let me apologise for posting such a melodramatic thread! I was feeling sorry for myself as my BG hadn't been below 8 for a few days no matter what I did, and I felt I wasn't being supported at home.

I probably would have deleted it but you were all kind enough to reply

It was a genuine conversation that I had with my wife, she thinks she has symptoms of high BG; thirst, lethargy, blurred vision and tiredness. She doesn't want to get tested as she is convinced that she will be diagnosed with cancer at an early age as her mother and both grandmothers passed away relatively young, due to cancer. All of them were very heavy smokers. There is nothing to suggest that this belief is anywhere near to becoming a reality.

The conversation was cut short as we were meeting friends, and sadly I don't think it will be revisited any time soon.

Incidentally I've used my meter to test my wife's BG twice (she asked me to obviously, I didn't just sneak up on her with a lancet and test strip!!), and both times her levels were perfectly normal.

Yes we have children, two have grown up and flown the nest, we have one left at home, and I do most of the cooking.

I guess I'll just have to learn to not talk at home as much about my diabetes and diet, and wait for my wife to bring it up if she wants to.

That leaves you lovely people as my support network, you lucky lucky people

Thanks again for your replies, and again apologies for the drama.

Steve

 

[Giverny]

First of all, please let me apologise for posting such a melodramatic thread! I was feeling sorry for myself as my BG hadn't been below 8 for a few days no matter what I did, and I felt I wasn't being supported at home.

I probably would have deleted it but you were all kind enough to reply

It was a genuine conversation that I had with my wife, she thinks she has symptoms of high BG; thirst, lethargy, blurred vision and tiredness. She doesn't want to get tested as she is convinced that she will be diagnosed with cancer at an early age as her mother and both grandmothers passed away relatively young, due to cancer. All of them were very heavy smokers. There is nothing to suggest that this belief is anywhere near to becoming a reality.

The conversation was cut short as we were meeting friends, and sadly I don't think it will be revisited any time soon.

Incidentally I've used my meter to test my wife's BG twice (she asked me to obviously, I didn't just sneak up on her with a lancet and test strip!!), and both times her levels were perfectly normal.

Yes we have children, two have grown up and flown the nest, we have one left at home, and I do most of the cooking.

I guess I'll just have to learn to not talk at home as much about my diabetes and diet, and wait for my wife to bring it up if she wants to.

That leaves you lovely people as my support network, you lucky lucky people

Thanks again for your replies, and again apologies for the drama.

Steve

So what does she have to lose? If she's showing symptoms of diabetes then it's more dangerous NOT to go to the doctor. Same with the possibility of cancer - better to catch that early before any symptoms are obvious.

 

[Scandichic]

First of all, please let me apologise for posting such a melodramatic thread! I was feeling sorry for myself as my BG hadn't been below 8 for a few days no matter what I did, and I felt I wasn't being supported at home.

I probably would have deleted it but you were all kind enough to reply

It was a genuine conversation that I had with my wife, she thinks she has symptoms of high BG; thirst, lethargy, blurred vision and tiredness. She doesn't want to get tested as she is convinced that she will be diagnosed with cancer at an early age as her mother and both grandmothers passed away relatively young, due to cancer. All of them were very heavy smokers. There is nothing to suggest that this belief is anywhere near to becoming a reality.

The conversation was cut short as we were meeting friends, and sadly I don't think it will be revisited any time soon.

Incidentally I've used my meter to test my wife's BG twice (she asked me to obviously, I didn't just sneak up on her with a lancet and test strip!!), and both times her levels were perfectly normal.

Yes we have children, two have grown up and flown the nest, we have one left at home, and I do most of the cooking.

I guess I'll just have to learn to not talk at home as much about my diabetes and diet, and wait for my wife to bring it up if she wants to.

That leaves you lovely people as my support network, you lucky lucky people

Thanks again for your replies, and again apologies for the drama.

Steve

Why are you sorry?! If you have a non diabetic partner then they don't always understand and since it's highly unlikely that we're all going to meet up then rant away, feel sorry for yourself and be as melodramatic as you please! It's natural to care about your partner!
I asked who does the cooking because you can probably low carb it without even mentioning it. Unless my husband doesn't like it, he doesn't really mind what we eat although the kids are kicking off about the ratatouille covered in Brie and melted in the oven - heathens! Lol!
Hope you feel better!

 

[bernie.freeman]

Semiphonic, you are a gem, very supportive of your wife, I am sure that she sees this. Perhaps she needs to see her GP to rule out any underlying problems that are making her tired and lethargic like perhaps a thyroid problem. I am sure that with your support she will come through this, and then maybe your BG's will settle again. Hope all goes well.

 

[Dogbutler]

No apology necessary - we all get down days.
Thank heaven for the forum eh?!

 

[WeeWillie]

Now I'm not in any manner a professional semiphonic, these are simply my own thoughts,
but from your details it's obvious you're dear wife is really not able to accept what the future,
rightly or wrongly, may hold for herself and all that that will entail, therefore her only way of
dealing with it is blanking it out of her mind. (not uncommon)

You'll be doing this anyway, despite your own needs, but it's certainly going to call for a lot of love and understanding.
She'll want everyone to understand she just doesn't want to discuss it (at the moment).
Love and understanding...... she'll be desperate to receive it, in bucket-loads but, as you mention, no discussion.
When she's ready, she will want to share her innermost thoughts and fears with you.

The thing is, as you so rightly know, she just has to see your doctor. Is there a possibility you yourself could have
a word with your doctor in the first instance, or does your own health problems rule that out?
Can you think of anyone at all your wife would open up to?

What a predicament you both find yourselves in, I feel so sorry for you.

With kind personal regards.
willie.

 

[semiphonic]

So what does she have to lose? If she's showing symptoms of diabetes then it's more dangerous NOT to go to the doctor. Same with the possibility of cancer - better to catch that early before any symptoms are obvious.

Nothing to lose as far as I can see Giverny, I think she's probably just scared that she *may* have an illness

Why are you sorry?! If you have a non diabetic partner then they don't always understand and since it's highly unlikely that we're all going to meet up then rant away, feel sorry for yourself and be as melodramatic as you please! It's natural to care about your partner!
I asked who does the cooking because you can probably low carb it without even mentioning it. Unless my husband doesn't like it, he doesn't really mind what we eat although the kids are kicking off about the ratatouille covered in Brie and melted in the oven - heathens! Lol!
Hope you feel better!

I apologised because I don't usually *do* drama, one thing I have quickly realised is that us diabetics all have our crosses to bear and mine is insignificant compared to many others.
My wife has quietly started following a LCHF diet, so maybe she is starting to take notice.
Sorry but I'm with the kids on the ratatouille!!! And yes I'm feeling better thank you

Semiphonic, you are a gem, very supportive of your wife, I am sure that she sees this. Perhaps she needs to see her GP to rule out any underlying problems that are making her tired and lethargic like perhaps a thyroid problem. I am sure that with your support she will come through this, and then maybe your BG's will settle again. Hope all goes well.

Thank you Bernie, I'm going to try and gently encourage her to go to her GP. I stopped testing my BG for a few days, tested today before my evening meal and I was at 6.1 so fingers crossed it's settling again, I'll start regular testing again tomorrow.

No apology necessary - we all get down days.
Thank heaven for the forum eh?!

I honestly wonder how I would be managing my diabetes if I hadn't found this forum, I told everyone at the group education last week to join

Now I'm not in any manner a professional semiphonic, these are simply my own thoughts,
but from your details it's obvious you're dear wife is really not able to accept what the future,
rightly or wrongly, may hold for herself and all that that will entail, therefore her only way of
dealing with it is blanking it out of her mind. (not uncommon)

You'll be doing this anyway, despite your own needs, but it's certainly going to call for a lot of love and understanding.
She'll want everyone to understand she just doesn't want to discuss it (at the moment).
Love and understanding...... she'll be desperate to receive it, in bucket-loads but, as you mention, no discussion.
When she's ready, she will want to share her innermost thoughts and fears with you.

The thing is, as you so rightly know, she just has to see your doctor. Is there a possibility you yourself could have
a word with your doctor in the first instance, or does your own health problems rule that out?
Can you think of anyone at all your wife would open up to?

What a predicament you both find yourselves in, I feel so sorry for you.

With kind personal regards.
willie.

Thank you Willie for your very eloquent and sensitive reply. By chance we are both away, in different places, on business this week, and we had a very long conversation on the phone tonight. Reading between the lines I think she is more concerned about my condition than she is willing to admit.
I plan to speak to the practice nurse at our GP surgery and see if she will invite my wife in for a "well woman" check, this I think will be covert enough for her not to suspect my input!
She will open up to her sister who she is spending time with this weekend, I've already spoken to her.

Thank you all again for being so supportive.

Steve


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[DiamondAsh]

If she can go Low cARB It will help enormously as it will keep her BG s nice and level and fortify her against other disease too.

 

[Scandichic]

I have decided that you are also a heathen for your remarks about my ratatouille! Lol! I have also made a tomato and cod soup which my youngest told me had the consistency and appearance of sick. Don't you just love kids! Hope you're feeling better today!

 

[semiphonic]

If she can go Low cARB It will help enormously as it will keep her BG s nice and level and fortify her against other disease too.

It's certainly a forward step, she's enjoying finding low carb meals while she's away

I have decided that you are also a heathen for your remarks about my ratatouille! Lol! I have also made a tomato and cod soup which my youngest told me had the consistency and appearance of sick. Don't you just love kids! Hope you're feeling better today!

I've been called worse lol! The soup sounds, umm, lovely? Actually I like the sound of it Kids? Don't get me started Feeling much better today thanks

 

[NotSoSweet2]

She is obviously very anxious so maybe there is an underlying cause totally unrelated to diabetes or cancer, let's hope so. It's good to hear that you are feeling better. If you ever want play a game or two of song pop on fb (good way to deal with stress)

 

[noodles]

Wait till she's sleeping check her sugar levels then u will know one way or another is she has diabetes. Sorry but this is something I would do x


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[carty]

I think if someone jabbed me for a blood test when i was asleep it would be instant divorce if not instant death
CAROL

 

[Scandichic]

I think if someone jabbed me for a blood test when i was asleep it would be instant divorce if not instant death
CAROL

She might perceive it as a lack of trust?

 

[semiphonic]

She is obviously very anxious so maybe there is an underlying cause totally unrelated to diabetes or cancer, let's hope so. It's good to hear that you are feeling better. If you ever want play a game or two of song pop on fb (good way to deal with stress)

We've had some good chats over the last few days, it seems it's a mixture of being worried about me, worried about the future if I develop complications and worried that if I had diabetes without knowing maybe she does too. We're making progress and everything seems a lot more positive. I'm not averse to playing song pop but I play it on an app on my phone not through fb, my user name is steve.hopper.549 if you fancy a game

Wait till she's sleeping check her sugar levels then u will know one way or another is she has diabetes. Sorry but this is something I would do x

This really tickled me, I can imagine poking her with a lancet "ooh look love you've been bitten by a mozzy, well we might as well test your BG now eh?" She lets me test her every now and then, and her levels have been normal every time.

I think if someone jabbed me for a blood test when i was asleep it would be instant divorce if not instant death
CAROL

Couldn't agree more!!

She might perceive it as a lack of trust?

She'd be more likely to see it as an act of aggression and launch counter measures

Thank you all for your responses

Steve