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new type 1, confused and angry

L

leanne

Member
Messages
5
Hi all,
i am a new to diabetes no one in my family has it. I went in for a routine day surgery and ended up in hospital for 3 1/2 weeks, i was very ill after my operation and my parents were called into the hospital in the early hours, they were told i was in DKA my BG was 33 and ketones whatever that means.
I was on iv insulin straight away right up until the day i left hospital then i was taught to inject myself. At first things were going ok and i dont think i thought about being diabetic a great deal as i was still very ill when i came out of hospital and i had to go my gp every day to have an injection from the nurse as i had a blood clot on my lung,so i was being pretty good with my injections and eating and dont think it had registered properly.
Now i am back at work i just can not cope at all, i have never been a big eater and i feel i have to eat all the time and think about food all the time, some days i dont take any lantus or novorapid because i dont want to have a hypo and figured if i didnt take it i wouldnt go low.
To me i dont think i am diabetic at all most days my BG levels are fine well i think they are fine the highest they have gone since being out of hospital was 10.2.
i am on small amounts of insulin i take 4u lantus and i am 1u:10g carbs novorapid which makes me think am i.
i have no idea who to talk about how i am feeling, because my doctor will just say i am depressed and give me prozac which is all she does, and yeah i am depressed but i dont think more meds are going to help how i am feeling.
I dont want to get ill from going high but i also am so scared of going low, i just do not know what to do, i find myself crying all the time i am so angry with everyone and no one seems to understand how i feel and if i get snappy and angry all they say is have u checked ur levels and that winds me up even more. I really do not know how much longer i can carry on like this, if i am truely diabetic i understand that it will be with me for life it will never go away but i just dont think i can accept that and i dont see how i can have a future feeling like this i am so scared of what may happen.
thanks for reading my rant, i hope those who read it understand what i mean.
 
Leanne, your post brought a tear to my eye. I'm not saying I feel sorry for you, because that's a cop-out, a facile statement, and I'm sure you don't want to hear it.
I do sympathasise though. I promise you that all the T1's I know, not many admittedly, have said something similar. The diagnosis seems unfair, undeserved, unmanageable and inescapable. Those were exactly my thoughts when I was diagosed too. I wanted punch my doctor when he told me, 'tough luck, you'll just have to get on with it' but he was right of course.
You're in denial right now, as I was for many years. You also need and deserve the support and understanding of people who understand what you're feeling because they have felt it too. That's where we come in.
I promise you that the fine people here will be a huge help for you. Lots of us lead full active lives, unencumbered by our stupid disease. There are a million tips and tricks which we can share. You can get control over diabetes and lead a full healthy life, there's no question about it.
Your first positive action has been to get involved with the forum. From here, the only way is up!

All the best,

fergus
 
just to say welcome and you will get there,anything u need to know just ask and someone will help u,ive learnt so much from visiting this forum,good luck xx
 
Hi Leanne

Am so sorry you are feeling bad but having just been diagnosed 3 weeks ago I completely and utterly understand how you feel. Disbelief reigns, followed by a realisation that a lifetime of checking blood,food etc reigns. Like you I am on relatively small levels of insulin and have spent time wondering if in fact maybe there had been a mistake (thyroid, pituitary gland anyone?) but I think this is natural response. I have sent you a PM to offer reassurance that it wont be like that forever and you will get some level of acceptance and whilst it might be a pain in the bum (literally), the best thing you can do is take one day at a time, for now at least.
My intial post three weeks ago is testimony to where I was at and although my no means a pro, you will make progress, even if its only baby step. That first baby step is to start taking your insulin.
If you try and take control you WILL feel better because I think that lack of control, lack of peer support and unfortunately the manner that you find out (in your case it was pretty traumatic), plus the lack of good quality follow up at times contribute to the mental meltdown Im sure we have all felt.

Chin up,

Lilibet
 
Hi Leanne!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel. On this forum is a level of expertise, greater than in most endocrinology departments in hospitals. We all have experience of living with diabetes, as patients or parents or partners.
Anything we can help you with, we will.
In the meantime, I recommend that you get hold of THE BOOK
Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution. It's quite expensive, so Amazon or your library might help.
In it are pretty well all the answers you will need.
Much of it goes against the advice given by doctors and Diabetes Specialist Nurses and dieticians. However, Richard Bernstein has an extensive specialist practice treating diabetes And is a lifelong Diabetic himself. The thing about Bernstein's advice is that IT WORKS. I wish I'd come to him years earlier than I did.
Good luck and be positive. You may soon be healthier than you have been in years
Hana
 
Hi Leanne,
I bet nearly every single person has felt like you do at some point after diagnosis. It takes time for all of us to adjust to being diabetic but the folks on this site are SO helpful. I wish I'd had their advice when I was diagnosed 5 years ago.
Not only will you get good advice, help and support on this site, you will also have a constant listening ear from people in the same boat as yourself. If your family and friends don't understand your fears and worries along the way, we will because we know how you feel. If you stay with us, you will see newbies joining all the time and before long you'll not be the newbie, you'll be an old hand,offering advice yourself.
Please stay with us, you'll not regret it.
All the best, chocoholic
 
hi leanne,
i know exactly how you are feeling, ive been diagnosed for 19 almost 20 years (admitted several times over the years with DKA) and i still find it hard, like you i tend to skip injections but in the long run it only makes things worse and makes you angrier!! find people to talk to about how you think you are coping, the stress of diabetes and that you can call upon when you feel like saying whats the point of doing this or that, it does help to talk about it, unfortunately for me i have only just realised this and am slowly starting to take responsibility of myself and i think untill i have managed to get stable and vent some of my pent up feelings i wont accept that i am diabetic. also like you i used to and still do feel a bit low emotionaly as it is a lot to take in and cope with, my gp prescribed my anti depresants which i was on for 2 years, hope this is of some help, you will get there in the end :wink:
 
Leanne,

You've not just had the diabetes to get to grips with you've had surgery and a lung clot as well. This is a pretty big thunderbolt to deal with.

Just take one day at a time and the confusion will eventually clear.

Although the diabetes will always be with you, it will not be the same bother to you as it is now.

Although you will have knowledge of devastating complications of diabetes and some medical staff will tell you that complications are "inevitable" I can assure you that this is just because most diabetic staff don't realise that getting normal blood sugars becomes pretty straightforward once you stop trying to eat lots of carbs with every damned meal.

We can help you get normal blood sugars here. Okay, it may take a bit of time till you are in the driving seat and driving confidently but you wouldn't expect to pass a driving test having no lessons at all either.

Welcome to the forum.
 
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