Off to see HR and my boss this afternoon

[conniecar]

Without being overly boring I’m seeing work today about my sickness. I have had type 1 for 50’years nearly, epilepsy, coeliac disease and am now having tests to see why I have blood and high ketones in my urine but not blood. I’ve been off work with anxiety for 6 weeks. I’m wanting to drop a day….Any tips? I’m feeling very wobbly but don’t want to over share in the meeting. I’ve been v proactive as I’ve had no consultant for 6 years, no clinic service for a year and just been trying to battle on and work, feeling more and more dejected and isolated. My Gp is lovely, as are family and friends. So I’ve gone out in the last 6 weeks chasing appointments and help and finally have what I need. I know I’m not unique. Occupational health rang and have recommended rest breaks. I work in a school, but I do want a day off to go to appointments etc and just assess, as this is what causes most stress, as there are too many now. Any advice much welcome.? I’m even doing the million steps thing! Though not very well! Much love to all fellow battlers x

 

[lovinglife]

Don’t know if you’ve read the Gov.uk on rights to request flexible working. My hubby is doing phased retirement and just dropped down to 4 days, the law changed recently (not sure when but in the last 1 to 2 years) and they now have to give a good business case if they refuse, link to the info below

Flexible working

Requesting flexible working, how to make an application, what business reasons an employer can give to reject an application and how to appeal.

www.gov.uk

 

[conniecar]

Thanks so much. I’ve asked to drop a day and explained why. They’ve said today is just about discussing my sick record, and I need to wait until Monday afternoon after work to have another meeting about wanting 4 days and if it’s viable. I suppose I’ll be able to see from today’s meeting how things lie. All of my sickness is coeliac or kidney infection related - so all related to diabetes though people rarely know that. I think my current situation is inextricably linked
to needing a day off in
a five day week just to process at least! Thanks for your message, that’s really kind x

 

[Michael 1701]

I was supposed to have a meeting with my manager and HR regarding my absences - I had been in hospital with a major hyper (20+).
I pointed out to them the Company Handbook said disabilities didn't count towards absence recording, and that diabetes was a disability.

My manager replied to say I was correct and they would look at other ways to 'support' me. I never heard another word.

 

[Melgar]

Thanks so much. I’ve asked to drop a day and explained why. They’ve said today is just about discussing my sick record, and I need to wait until Monday afternoon after work to have another meeting about wanting 4 days and if it’s viable. I suppose I’ll be able to see from today’s meeting how things lie. All of my sickness is coeliac or kidney infection related - so all related to diabetes though people rarely know that. I think my current situation is inextricably linked
to needing a day off in
a five day week just to process at least! Thanks for your message, that’s really kind x

@conniecar Slightly off topic. I too have coeliac disease as does my daughter. Even though we are both 100% gluten free this autoimmune disorder has far reaching effects beyond our gut. Mine is my skin, but the reason I have brought this up is the impact it has on our brains. So looping back to depression, even on a gluten free diet, it causes significant neurological symptoms like brain fog, depression and cognitive impairment. It can absolutely challenge our mental health. It is often thought a gut problem, but it isn't confined to our guts. I'm not sure how the UK health system is now as I have not lived in the UK for a long time, but here in Canada Coeliac disease is classed as a disability.

 

[Melgar]

Sorry I didn't catch your last post, we cross posted @conniecar .

 

[lovinglife]

Meant to say good luck @conniecar & if you want to let us know how you got on

 

[conniecar]

Hi all. Didn’t go well He seemed confused that as I’d said I’d need to drop to 4 days, if he gives me every day I need for appointments ( this has changed as it would seem I now need a kidney scan too ) then why would I need a day off? What would I be doing if I had no appointment? I was upset as he’d been a bit hostile and I couldn’t explain myself. My Dr had said I needed a 4 day week going forward, and has sent a sick note saying that. He said ‘you’re either sick or you’re not?’ It’s a right quandary now, my blood sugars have shot up yet again and I want it sorting before the holidays. I’ve no idea if he’ll let me drop a day however, I’ve got to wait until the end of Monday xx

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Hi all. Didn’t go well He seemed confused that as I’d said I’d need to drop to 4 days, if he gives me every day I need for appointments ( this has changed as it would seem I now need a kidney scan too ) then why would I need a day off? What would I be doing if I had no appointment? I was upset as he’d been a bit hostile and I couldn’t explain myself. My Dr had said I needed a 4 day week going forward, and has sent a sick note saying that. He said ‘you’re either sick or you’re not?’ It’s a right quandary now, my blood sugars have shot up yet again and I want it sorting before the holidays. I’ve no idea if he’ll let me drop a day however, I’ve got to wait until the end of Monday xx

Oh, so it's one of those people who think that a chronic condition (or multiple ones) and a passing flu have the same requirements... Oof. Try explaining it to someone who doesn't grasp that bit. Basically, you're always sick and your conditions need constant monitoring and treatment. The four days you show up aren't days you are per definition well and you "can pick and choose" those. Those are days you fight to be there as a functional human being. Doesn't mean it's painless nor effortless, and you need the extra time for both appointments and recuperation from the days you do show up. Maybe that'll help explaining things? Write stuff down when you're NOT with someone and put on the spot... So you have a response rather than being cornered with their nonsense and (possibly deliberate) misunderstanding.

Might be an idea to look for a different job with better hours for your health, or check whether you're insured for conflict on the workfloor. Not sure how all that works over there, but here, I'd get a lawyer involved if you're given grief from this point in... You have more than a leg to stand on, if you ask me.

Hang in there, eh.
Jo

 

[lessci]

As you're in education I assume that you're in a union. If so talk to your Rep, and their legal team, and don't go to any more meetings without them

 

[lovinglife]

Sorry that it didn’t go well @conniecar,
Not wanting pry but was it more an informal request as in just asking if you could? Was this the first time your employer was aware of your request? If so maybe go the more official route? Have a good read of the link I gave you above, put your request in writing, there are pro forma links to letters you can use on the website & what each step entails.

You have a legal right to ask for flexible working. Your employer doesn’t have to grant your request but there is protocol they have to follow and they have to be able to reasonably prove that they’ve considered it carefully & why they refused, Perhaps show your employer the website, maybe they are not aware of your rights to your request & their responsibilities when saying yes or no

It’s none of their business what you will be doing on your “5th day” Maybe in your letter offer to be flexible, my hubby is now 4 days but sometimes because the nature of his role “business demands” a 5 day, he will do 5 that week but another week do 3, he also varies the days if need be. At the meeting on Monday you could give him the letter and offer him the time to consider it properly (I think the website says it’s 2 months but there may be a company policy that over rides that)

If you need help with this try talking to your local Citizens Advice, I’ve always found them amazingly knowledgeable & helpful on things like this. Or if you have one your union representative.

Try to stay calm, polite and I know it’s very difficult when we find ourselves in these situations but try not to get emotional whilst dealing with them.(Be like me & cry buckets & swear & cuss in the car/shower/garden )

It’s not a nice situation and it won’t be helping your health any but try to stick to your guns, take someone with you to take notes, they won’t be able to speak or comment but a second pair of ears are a very valuable thing, especially when it’s an emotional time

 

[becca59]

As you're in education I assume that you're in a union. If so talk to your Rep, and their legal team, and don't go to any more meetings without them

Absolutely good advice.
Had a husband about to be let go some years ago. When he told them he was bringing them to the meeting the tune changed. He successfully completed two more years at work before retirement.

 

[Tony337]

Hi @conniecar
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.
I'm a type 1 of 50 years with coeliacs, bile acid malabsorption and depression and it turns out the more chronic illnesses you have the more likely you are to suffer from depression!
I'm a school caretaker and do a split shift so can arrange most appointments within my split.

My time keeping and attendance record is better than everyone elses so i get what i want as they don't want to bite off the hand that feeds them.

We have had a few type 1 children over the last 3 years and if my alarm goes off its the same noise the childrens devices does and the teaching staff know what to do and do the same for me.
Its really funny as soon as mine goes off i get offered chocolate!
The staff come to me for advice and i never have any issues sitting down for 20 minutes if i need to.

I am an awful lot luckier than you as my school gets diabetes.

The union root is a good idea and remind the school that the health and safety at work poster probably in the staffroom clearly states the school has a duty of care!

I wish you all the luck in the world

Tony

 

[conniecar]

Thank you all. Your help has been invaluable. I brought up dropping a day in the meeting and he abruptly stopped me, rolled his eyes and said that was for another meeting. No idea why that was apart from the HR person being there? I thought this school had absolutely got it, but I’ve tried to ‘be like the rest’ and sadly it’s meant I’ve made myself ill by cancelling and avoiding appointments. I’m trying to say that without apportioning blame on the school, but what they know is the tip of the iceberg. I’ve not had a seizure for 13 years since being medicated so that’s good, coeliac is about so much more than your gut, I’ve neuropathy, Dupytrens in my hands that needs operations and peripheral vascular disease - all diabetes related and make me anxious about sports day and school trips! It’s just got the better of me. I’m surrounded by people with marvellous health records that say unhelpful things, but people can’t believe I’ve ’another appointment’ when if only they knew. Something is now going on with my kidneys as there are constant ketones in my urine and blood. This means scans and investigations. I don’t want to see him with a poor me attitude, we all have stuff to deal with! X

 

[conniecar]

Sorry that it didn’t go well @conniecar,
Not wanting pry but was it more an informal request as in just asking if you could? Was this the first time your employer was aware of your request? If so maybe go the more official route? Have a good read of the link I gave you above, put your request in writing, there are pro forma links to letters you can use on the website & what each step entails.

You have a legal right to ask for flexible working. Your employer doesn’t have to grant your request but there is protocol they have to follow and they have to be able to reasonably prove that they’ve considered it carefully & why they refused, Perhaps show your employer the website, maybe they are not aware of your rights to your request & their responsibilities when saying yes or no

It’s none of their business what you will be doing on your “5th day” Maybe in your letter offer to be flexible, my hubby is now 4 days but sometimes because the nature of his role “business demands” a 5 day, he will do 5 that week but another week do 3, he also varies the days if need be. At the meeting on Monday you could give him the letter and offer him the time to consider it properly (I think the website says it’s 2 months but there may be a company policy that over rides that)

If you need help with this try talking to your local Citizens Advice, I’ve always found them amazingly knowledgeable & helpful on things like this. Or if you have one your union representative.

Try to stay calm, polite and I know it’s very difficult when we find ourselves in these situations but try not to get emotional whilst dealing with them.(Be like me & cry buckets & swear & cuss in the car/shower/garden )

It’s not a nice situation and it won’t be helping your health any but try to stick to your guns, take someone with you to take notes, they won’t be able to speak or comment but a second pair of ears are a very valuable thing, especially when it’s an emotional time

Hi

Just read your reply. Yes he did know, I wrote a formal request he sent out before the meeting. Must be an HR thing? Maybe it makes it more complex.

 

[Olddogandgrump]

Without being overly boring I’m seeing work today about my sickness. I have had type 1 for 50’years nearly, epilepsy, coeliac disease and am now having tests to see why I have blood and high ketones in my urine but not blood. I’ve been off work with anxiety for 6 weeks. I’m wanting to drop a day….Any tips? I’m feeling very wobbly but don’t want to over share in the meeting. I’ve been v proactive as I’ve had no consultant for 6 years, no clinic service for a year and just been trying to battle on and work, feeling more and more dejected and isolated. My Gp is lovely, as are family and friends. So I’ve gone out in the last 6 weeks chasing appointments and help and finally have what I need. I know I’m not unique. Occupational health rang and have recommended rest breaks. I work in a school, but I do want a day off to go to appointments etc and just assess, as this is what causes most stress, as there are too many now. Any advice much welcome.? I’m even doing the million steps thing! Though not very well! Much love to all fellow battlers x

Hi, I hope it went okay. My advice to, not just you but to others who may be reading this is - I understand you don't want to overshare, but you should be very open about your various conditions and their impact on you.

They are key to both your sickness record and your wish to reduce hours. If you are not open they can't make fully informed decisions and that could go against you.

Also they could offer you protection from being harshly treated and they have an obligation to make reasonable adjustments. If you work for a large company they will have very clear policies for managing staff in your situation.

At the same time don't kick the backside out of it. When you are in, work well, work hard and be productive. Don't use your conditions as cover for poor work.