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Out of control when having a hypo

C

Clashcityrocker

Member
Messages
6
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Hello
I am in need of help
Five weeks ago yesterday I attacked my partner and I’ve been in hell since
I was staying at my girlfriends house recovering from an operation I’d had
I should also tell you that I’m a diabetic
All I remember of the terrible night was lying on the bed with her one minute watching tv and the next I was sitting on a garden wall in the street with my girlfriend in front of me very upset and scared
Apparently I had gone berserk
I’d pulled her hair and pushed her then chased her out into the street threatened to kill both her and her son who I’d also chased and also threatened to kill id also caused damage to her car by breaking the wing mirror off
I can’t begin to tell you of the shock I felt at hearing this
I was taken to hospital as I had injuries too
I was later arrested for 2 counts of assault 2 of threatening to kill and one of criminal damage
I was later bailed but told not to go near her or her property
I went to my diabetic clinic to speak to doctors about what had happened and they told me that this was symptomatic of having a very low blood sugar and then going into a trance like state
I returned to the police station 2 weeks later and was basically told that there would be no further action taken in fact the officer in charge told me that he had personally witnessed 2 other instances of people who were suffering low blood sugars and their behaviour was very similar to mine
To be honest none of what I was told you meant a lot to me
I am having serious problems in living with what I’ve done
I have had a lot of thoughts about killing myself
My now ex girlfriend was everything to me the love of my life
She was kind caring and loving and had been looking after me since my operation and this is the way I paid her back
Although we have spoken and I have seen her and she now understands and has forgiven me I cannot and will not forgive myself
I wish I was dead
Please if there’s anybody who can help me then please point me in the direction

GRM
 
Hi there,

What I do know is that you should forgive yourself because it sounds like you were NOT in control of your thoughts and actions at the time this happened. I also know that the Police also believed this because you can rest assured, if they thought that this was a conscious or reckless act (ie, not taking your medication or being on drugs etc), they WOULD have charged you and taken you to Court, (that much I know for definite).

I don't know how long you have been a diabetic or whether you have gone low before and acted similar but all you can do now is look after yourself and speak with your Diabetic team to double check that your medications are still correct. I feel for you because it sounds like you are truly horrified at your actions and what you might have inadvertently done, I suggest you calm down, remember that you could not help what you did, you CAN seek help from your medical team and try to minimise any adverse effects of hypo's or whatever caused it. I am sure more help will be along soon, the best of luck to you.
 
KK123 said:
Hi there,

What I do know is that you should forgive yourself because it sounds like you were NOT in control of your thoughts and actions at the time this happened. I also know that the Police also believed this because you can rest assured, if they thought that this was a conscious or reckless act (ie, not taking your medication or being on drugs etc), they WOULD have charged you and taken you to Court, (that much I know for definite).

I don't know how long you have been a diabetic or whether you have gone low before and acted similar but all you can do now is look after yourself and speak with your Diabetic team to double check that your medications are still correct. I feel for you because it sounds like you are truly horrified at your actions and what you might have inadvertently done, I suggest you calm down, remember that you could not help what you did, you CAN seek help from your medical team and try to minimise any adverse effects of hypo's or whatever caused it. I am sure more help will be along soon, the best of luck to you.
Click to expand...
Hi
Thank you for your words and observations it means a lot to me
This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything on a website before so I don’t know what to expect
 
Hi @Clashcityrocker . Welcome to the forum. So sorry it's not a good start to you joining the forum.
I've been doing this diabetic stuff for a fair few years now and have subsequently endured a good many hypos.
I won't bore you with the types of hypos but I'll get straight to the point.
I have also been where you are now with the same feelings.
Years ago I changed my insulin. Pork mixtard to novorapid. Unbeknown to me was how this change would affect me going hypo.
I have a wonderful, understanding and adorable wife who I worship.
Along came a novorapid hypo and for no reason I just knew that something wasn't right. I truly wanted to " hurt" for want of a better word , my wife. No idea why, but I just knew that if she had come near me I would have lost control and done her an injury. First time this happened I some how stayed calm enough and get my sugars back up. As soon as sugars rose all feelings of wanting to hurt anyone completely disappeared.
His incident played on my mind for along time after and haunted me. I did tell my wife and we agreed that if and when I went low again it would be best for her to keep her distance and observe from afar.
Maybe I had 2 or 3 more bad hypos like this, on each occasion I grabbed as much food as I could and went into the back garden alone. It was absolutely crazy but felt the safest thing to do for my wife.
These episodes lasted maybe 6 / 9 months then stopped as quick as they had started. Never had to endure such nightmare thoughts since (15 yrs + )
I was lucky compared to what you've been through but can fully understand how you are feeling now.
Those thoughts in your head, the guilt, the loss of apparent control, the fear of everything is something I understand with you.
This could quite easily be a one off and it could be a problem for x time. The operation may be the catalyst for what happened.
All I can offer is that you don't keep this inside, let it all out, especially with your girlfriend. Tell her everything you feel.
An old saying. " a problem shared is a problem halved "
Try to educate your girlfriend in hypo awareness and what to do to help both of you.

One thing I find really makes a hypo feel worse for me is when I feel I'm being patronised. My wife knows this. It makes a huge difference come hypo time.

You've got to be positive and move forward.
 
And thank you so much for getting in touch
I’ve been diabetic for about 28 years now and like yourself suffered many many hypos
Over the last couple of years they have become so much worse due to the fact that I get very little warning of them now
I would say I’m the past 12 months or so I’ve had an ambulance team out around 4 times although I get grumpy I’ve never had anything like this and I hope I never again
My insulin hasn’t changed recently although the doctors have reduced my background insulin drastically
I don’t knowingly have any aggressive thoughts towards my partner and have suffered hypos on many occasions in front of her but nothing even close to this one
The hypos that I now suffer are so severe I literally can’t help myself with lucozade or food which is why she gets involved
To be honest she doesn’t have a very good understanding of the condition although in writing that I feel like I’m blaming her which I’m not
A few people have mentioned the op although I picked up an infection while recuperating I’m not sure it was anything to do with that
We have spoken about it - that in itself wasn’t great it took me straight back to that awful night
GRM
 
hey @Clashcityrocker
i have had the type of feelings you describe , though fortunately have never acted upon them.

my suggestion is to ask your care team what measures they have to assist you in getting better control to prevent this type of thing happening in the future.

perhaps running higher for a few weeks to help you regain better hypo awareness to start with......
( your DSN can advise on this )

sending a big hug to you too -- you must be going through the wringer emotionally right now
 
Hi
Thank you so much for getting in touch
I can confirm that the diabetic team have been great in all aspects of this and that they have decreased my background insulin dramatically I have been using the patch/scanner -sorry can’t remember the name of it with a view to having a Perminant monitor fitted
 
@Clashcityrocker . It sounds like you need to get back to your diabetic team to help you sort things out.
You shouldn't really be struggling like this. You need to regain hypo awareness and more control of your diabetes.
After so many years being diabetic it's easy to miss those little changes and just carry on day to day.
Perhaps you could try,with the help of your care team, go back to basics. As @himtoo points out running sugars a bit high/ doing control differently may help you regain control and re focus. I think we all at times lose that focus of life with diabetes.
24/7 little things creep in unnoticed and they become the norm.

Good luck for you and your girlfriend.
 
Thank you so much for taking the time to get in touch
I can confirm that my team has greatly reduced my background insulin and I am now running my insulin at between 6 - 8
Thank you and take care
 
Madmaureen said:
How are u managing with novorapid now?
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Not sure who you are asking.:)
If me. Well I'm getting on great with it now. Only problem was at start with aforementioned " aggressive hypos"
This was many years ago, I think it was just my body adapting to it.
 
Clashcityrocker said:
Thank you so much for taking the time to get in touch
I can confirm that my team has greatly reduced my background insulin and I am now running my insulin at between 6 - 8
Thank you and take care[/QUOTE
What is your insulin regime?
A lot of times I go low its because I've over cooked my bolus/ fast acting insulin
Click to expand...
 
Thanks I am on pork and have never changed all the time was just wandering if it was better for u.
Take care
 
Clashcityrocker said:
Thank you so much for taking the time to get in touch
I can confirm that my team has greatly reduced my background insulin and I am now running my insulin at between 6 - 8
Thank you and take care
Click to expand...
What is your insulin regime?
Many times when I go low it's because I've over cooked my bolus/ fast acting insulin.
 
Madmaureen said:
Thanks I am on pork and have never changed all the time was just wandering if it was better for u.
Take care
Click to expand...
I was on pork mixtard. Novorapid gives me far more control and options regarding food, timings and spontaneous decisions.
 
Well wont change for now have just done DAFNE course been so good for me and I also have the libre not sure how long I can afford it but it is better.
I have a new life and new beginning since the coucoursehrse and feel I am at last in control.
Have had no help for years and loads of hypos falling out of bed and in the high street hypos but to date nothing like what I have been like awful awful times before dafne.
 
@Clashcityrocker , You and your girlfriend had a terrifying experience, I can't imagine how I would feel when something like that happened to me. I guess it's very hard to find you can't trust yourself anymore and I hope you'll start to build confidence in yourself again real soon!
From my point of view, an outsider, you have been diabetic for a while, and nothing like this ever happened before. In fact, it happened in a very unusual situation: recovering from an operation and fighting an infection. To me, that suggests the chance of it happening again is very, very small.
In the meantime, I can imagine this might classify you for a cgm with an alarm when going low. Not only would it help prevent something like this from happening again, but probably more important, it might make you more confident and give you time to make peace with yourself again. (and as an extra you might get better control of your blood sugar as well :) )
Don't hesitate to ask for psychological help, I think I would need it to find myself again if something like this happened to me.
And last, a very big hug from me, sounds like you can use it!
 
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