Hi Lukus, and welcome to the forum. I understand your situation perfectly, becaus it bears striking parallels to how I used to be. I am 27, also diagnosed at age 3, and equally did not think much about my diabetes. And like you, I convinced myself I couldn't change. It was true as well. I just did not care enough to make the effort. But then, everything got put into perspective. I got married in 2013. And it made me start thinking about how I was just thinking of myself. You are in the same situation with your girlfriend. Do you discuss things with her? Do you explain your diabetes well, or do you avoid talking about it?
I knew, like you do, that things were going downhill. I would shield my meter with my hand when I tested if my wife was in the room. If she asked me anything about diabetes, I would tell her everything was fine. When she didn't believe me, I would get angry. I did not for one moment think about how it was affecting her. Then, her father had to have a serious operation (he's not diabetic so nothing to do with that). I watched the tears, the worry, the feeling of helplessness she had. She said to me 'we have to look after ourselves so we don't have problems in our old age.' Her words hit me like a tonne of bricks. I realised that I was making her feel exactly the same as she felt about her dad; helpless. She couldn't talk to me, she couldn't help me. And then I started to think further down the line. When complications started to set in, she would have to support me. She would watch me slowly disintegrate, and at the end she would be married to a horrific mess, enraged at everything and in constant agony. We would probably have children, and they would have to watch the torture as well. And this would happen much sooner than old age. I imagined being 40, and struggling to see her. Hobbling across the room to collapse in her arms, the pain in my legs too much to bear. My vision too poor to enjoy, but still enough to notice the blood in my urine. Laying awake T night, knowing I had done this all to myself. Maybe I could live with that. But what I would do to that wonderful, beautiful woman that had lit up my life, that idea made my blood run cold.
So I started to change. I began looking at what I was eating again. It took time, but I started to involve my wife as well. I began discussing what I was eating, and the crushing disappointment of my blood sugars not being good. I tried so hard, and my blood sugars were all over the place still. I remember being out for 2 hours on my bike. Usually I enjoyed the solace of watching the cycle path roll by, but it genuinely felt like I had company. I had a long, frank conversation with my future self, and he hated me. He screamed at me the entire time. He showed me his legs, amputated above the knee. He told me I might as well quit my job as an accompanist, because my hands would not be able to play the piano much longer. And even after all that, it didn't feel real enough. So I started looking for help. I found this forum, just like you have. I looked at the complications section, at what I was looking forward to. One theme stood out; don't become me. Some of the people with complications did not come for hope, or for answers, but to save others from experiencing what they had. I read, and I trembled, and I physically shook for over an hour. And I decided to do whatever it took; I would master my diabetes.
I was still trying to limit my portion sizes, to carbohydrate count, and to 'be good.' It felt horrific. I was having loads of hypos, and would over treat and go high. I was constantly starving. I knew that this was not the way forward, that there must be another way. And then I came across a book that has saved my life. I was researching diabetic neuropathy, and online I came across a chapter from a book on diabetes. It was very descriptive, and gave good advice. I noticed the book was called 'Dr Bernstein's Complete Diabetes Solution.' It sounded like a tall claim, but I thought what have I got to lose? So I purchased the kindle edition, and I started to read. I won't lie, it was a very, very hard read. Dr Bernstein's solution seems extreme; cut out almost all carbohydrates. But again, I decided I would try it. I believed I was saying goodbye to any enjoyment with food. I scoured the Internet for something that would refute his theories. I couldn't find anything convincing. The best I could find were the excuses I was trying to make myself. And Dr Bernstein takes his own medicine. He was diagnosed with type 1 as a child, and it was killing him. He changed his ways, and is now a healthy man in his 80s, all because he has excellent diabetic control.
I set a date to start the diet, and tried an experiment. For a week I ate my high carbohydrate diet, keeping track of everything I ate, my insulin and my blood sugars. Then I started eating low carb, and kept the same diary for that week. It was like someone had flicked a switch. My blood sugars were stabilising, I was having far less hypos. I had considered 14 to be an ok result before. Suddenly I was going no higher than 10. And I was being cautious with my insulin, to avoid hypos. I started experimenting, matching insulin to protein rather than carbohydrate. It was working. I was amazed by the change. And I was finally discussing everything with my wife. I was no longer ashamed of my blood sugars. I was still going high sometimes, but now I was showing her, and we were working out what I could do differently in he future.
The first few 3 or 4 weeks were tough. I wanted so much to eat a snickers bar, or a pack of fruit pastilles. But I had made a decision to do this, and I wanted to see it through. And my blood sugars were a massive incentive. Then, I noticed something strange. I ate my breakfast, and afterwards, I wasn't hungry. I had eaten 2 fried eggs, some red bell pepper and a rasher of bacon. And it had filled me up. 3 weeks earlier, I had eaten a medium dominos pizza, along with potato wedges. I had then had half a tub of Ben and Jerry's. After that I was starving. Not being hungry was a bizarre feeling. It was liberating.
Almost a year on, I am pleased to report that choosing to go low carb was one of the best things I have ever done. I enjoy food so, so much more than I ever did before. It satisfies me, and I can go 4 or 5 hours without needing to eat again. Hypos are a rarity, and highs are even more rare. I now consider anything over 7.8 to be unacceptable, because I don't need to run at that level. I have also learned to bake, something I was hopeless at before. I would need to look up how to boil an egg before. Now I have found all sorts of low carb recipes. A lot of them may surprise you. I will always have a sweet tooth, and I don't miss out on that front. I use a sugar free sweetener called Stevia, and I make cakes, muffins, pancakes, all sorts really. I use ground almonds instead of flour.
I strongly urge you to research diabetes control, particularly low carbohydrate diets. There is no quick fix, and I truly believe that pancreas transplants offer a cure that is worse than the illness. Please, please involve your girlfriend, listen to her, and teach her what she won't know about diabetes. I could not be happier I took this step with my wife. If you do nothing else today, watch this video. It gives an excellent insight into the benefits of low carbing.
Best of luck, keep posting, and keep asking questions.