Pura Vida
Well-Known Member
Subject: Fwd: FW: Phyllis Dillerisms
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own
age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to
move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has
just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the
next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in
the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles
away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle
- keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago
it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't
see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own
age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to
move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has
just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the
next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in
the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles
away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle
- keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago
it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't
see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
----------
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own
age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to
move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has
just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the
next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in
the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles
away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle
- keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago
it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't
see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own
age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to
move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has
just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the
next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in
the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles
away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle
- keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago
it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't
see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
