Pura Vida
Well-Known Member
ONDERING:
* I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
*
* A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.
*
* Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.
*
* Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.
*
* Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.”
*
* “You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me, you b-------d because you saw that sign 2 miles ago just like I did."
*
* I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
*
* It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
*
* I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
*
* Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be right.”
*
* As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
*
* I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
*
* Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
*
* My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.
*
* I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
*
* I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... the same thing.
* I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
*
* A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.
*
* Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.
*
* Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.
*
* Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.”
*
* “You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me, you b-------d because you saw that sign 2 miles ago just like I did."
*
* I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
*
* It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
*
* I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
*
* Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be right.”
*
* As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
*
* I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
*
* Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
*
* My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.
*
* I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
*
* I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... the same thing.
