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Really Depressed Today!

EveryCloud

Well-Known Member
Messages
124
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
I woke up today and my neuropathy is really bad. I also have numb fingers. I'm blaming the few drinks I had last night. Finding it really hard to cope emotionally thinking a lot about death. Suicidal ideation, that sort of thing. I am only 39. Type 2 controlled by meds but I worry about being in my 50s or 60s and having to start an insulin regimen. Just scared in general. I feel so alone and lost. I already am on 2 antidepressants and I still can't cope. Work is a nightmare. And I have spoken to a therapist nothing seems to help. I am just drinking more and more which isn't good.
My brother was in the other week when i was sorting out my pills and actually had a go at me for how many meds I am on. I take about 9 a day.
I have no one I can talk to. My room is a bomb site I just have zero motivation. I have spoken to my boss about it all. But she looks at me like I am making it up. I just don't know where to turn now...

Sorry about the ramble.

I just needed to vent.
 
So sorry to read this, big hug.

I have no idea of your circumstances so difficult to advise you but you can "talk" on here and we all know the ups and downs of diabetes, for some more downs than ups! Do you live alone? If so do you have any pets? I love my Sphynx cats and they keep me sane 9O% of the time, drive me mad sometimes)! My husband is no support and since I started low carbing he won't even share shopping with me; he buys "his" tomatoes etc I buy mine so we shop, cook and eat alone.

Please don't drink too much as if your liver isn't 100% you could end up with liver damage as well. At the moment I am on ibuprofen and morphine for my hip (to be replaced on the 10th August) and I find half a bottle of wine at lunch time with the drugs really helps with the pain but I strictly limit myself to the half bottle or less and will cut it back to the occasional glass once my operation is over and the pain is gone.

Your brother sounds a bit like my sister. When I was newly diagnosed and we went for lunch I was trying to sort out the "best" (or least bad) option and she said "Oh for goodness sake I don't know why you make such a fuss. I know loads of diabetics and none of them make the fuss you do over what you eat. Why don't you just eat what you want and die sooner". We should introduce them as I am sure they would make the ideal couple!!!!

Are your health team much help? It seems to be a lottery of where you live whether you get the support you need. I am fortunate in that I was a biochemist so I know how to read my results and what they mean so sort of manage myself although we have a new diabetic nurse learning the ropes so things should improve.

Another hug. xxx
 
Hello @EveryCloud Sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

Sadly the alcohol is a depressant, so this will only make you feel worse, so cutting back or eliminating it will help lift your mood very quickly.

As someone who is insulin dependent I can personally vouch for the fact that insulin has saved my life, I don't think any type 2 who is worried about taking insulin should worry when it's vital for managing your blood glucose levels and preserving your life, what is more important is controlling your blood glucose levels which will also help improve your mood, speak to your DSN/Consultant as soon as you can and ask for help, state how you are feeling and if possible see if they can get you in asap to review your management and treatment.

Ignore your brother, our siblings can very often be incredibly insensitive, it's not their fault as they know very little and don't live in our shoes with this daily.

Finally take deep breaths, get out for a walk, try meditation and be kind to yourself, if you still find you are struggling then please call the Samaritans and speak to someone about how your feeling (116 123), take care
 
Thanks for the hugs. My team are not too bad. But they do have their moments. I still live with my mum and I have 3 pets 2 dogs and a cat. You are right they do keep you mostly sane. I am chatting with a friend and she says I need to give up the drink totally. I have an aching pancreas and I worry that it is pancreatitis caused by my Linagliptin. So I don't know if they can do much about that.
 
You will know this yourself but it is worth saying, you won't find any answers or any solace at the bottom of a bottle. Booze can magnify mood so when you are feeling low the alcohol will make you feel even more lousy if taken in excess.

I advise that you see your GP with a view to changing your antidepressants as sometimes we can have a happier outcome with different combinations of drugs. Talking helps so keep discussing your problems either here or anywhere you feel comfortable.

Sending you huge but gentle hugs.
 
I NEVER drink to excess and once my pain is gone I will still have the odd glass of red as I like it! I am glad you have pets; they are the best therapy. I would love a dog again but couldn't walk it now and my husband wouldn't so that is not an option. Do you LCHF as that really helps although I don't really HF as I don't like most fatty things!

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I just tested my levels and they are 6.6 great! I try to low carb if I can. I eat a lot of vegetables. I am a vegetarian so the fat would have to come from cheese and nuts. I do have a weakness for pasta though! I have been on annual leave from work this week so have been putting away more than I am used to. Beers and carbs.

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@EveryCloud - My own experience of some foods is the things we like most, and are most likely to pull us back again (and maybe again!) for seconds, tend to be the ones least health kindly to us. In fact for myself, where I identify such a food, I try to eliminate it completely, for a while at least, to see what happens. It can be quite surprising.

Whilst it is a great temptation to look forward a decade or two and imagine how we might be, when those imaginings aren't bringining back positive thoughts or images, I find it best to shorten my timeframes somewhat to a few days, weeks, or at the very most months.

I don't suffer with diabetic neuropathy, but did have a post operative neuropathy forr almost a couple of years, following an operation that just happened to involve scraping my ribs, so I do appreciate a little bit how relentless and deep that pain can be. Thankfully this has eased for me over time, and I no longer suffer at all, provided I follow some self-discovered golden rules.

Talk away here, and please don't try to look too far ahead. In life there are times when we all have to compromise, and sometimes that does surround or medications. I've always been very anti medication if I can possibly avoid it. The tether to the pharmacy always horrified me a bit, but following a couple of years of peculiar symptoms, the root cause of which couldn't be ascertained by tests and examinations, I started on a tiny dose of Levothyroxine. A few short months later, I feel better than I have done in a long time, such was the slow creeping onset of just being "a bit off my energy game". Needless to say, I'm suddenly "over" my aversion to meds. My mantra is now "quality of life trumps ego" - for me anyway.

So, in essence, I think what I'm trying to suggest is you take this period in bite sized pieces and feel your way forward, rather than focusing on the negatives of your condition. Life's there for the living, and it's highlylikely there are lots of adventures out there for you.

Good luck with it all, and keep talking.
 
Big hug from me too EveryCloud. I'm not going to mention the diabetes, enough here to speak on that. Re the depression - I suggest you see your GP about tweaking your tablets. I've been there, done that, still wearing the t shirt. I smile as I read your profile name. Do what it says - you say the drinking has caused your numb fingers - look at that as a positive - you know what alcohol does to you, take steps to make sure that doesn't happen again. I too am on a lot of medication, including antidepressants and meds for anxiety. I have to take things not even one day at a time - it's moment by moment. Depression and anxiety cause that thinking about death - it's not just you, lots of people get that too. Please don't feel so alone, there are people here who care.

I don't drink alcohol - my vice is food. When I'm feeling down I could eat everything in sight. I have to fight that and stay upstairs where there is no food. I'm on a low carb way of eating and it's usually fine - just happens when I'm depressed or anxious - in fact I've just realised recently that when I want to eat like that it's a sign my depression is getting worse.

I agree with Juicyj - don't hesitate to ring the Samaratins. I had to many times in the middle of the night when my anxiety was really bad and I thought I was dying. Just knowing there is someone there makes all the difference, in fact it was often enough to know I could ring them - sometimes I was able to manage myself as long as I knew someone was there when I needed them.

Take care of your mental health EveryCloud - that will help you cope with the diabetes too.

An old GP of ours told me something that has stuck with me. I was trying to lose weight, severely depressed and had agoraphobia - I couldn't get out of the house. I felt I was failing miserably at all of them. He said "any healthy person can ride a bike, any healthy person can go up a steep hill, any healthy person can carry a heavy shopping bag but you ask that healthy person to ride a bike, up a steep hill carrying a heavy shopping bag and that's a different story." That has stuck with me all these years, and when I'm struggling with things I remember that.

Take care.

PS Great blood sugar reading.
 
Not feeling brilliant myself so I have lots of sympathy and empathy for you.

As others have said, alcohol isn't the answer and can only make things worse both mentally and physically, so do your best to avoid it. I know it's not easy, been there, but the phoning the Samaritans would be a more positive step - reaching out to someone for help rather than looking for it at the bottom of a bottle.

Re the thoughts of suicide - a good friend once told me that the majority of people change their minds, but when it is too late. That thought has stayed with me even in my darkest moments.

I agree with @Guzzler that maybe a change of antidepressants would help you. Also just the fact that you would be seeing a doctor about this again might help turn this vicious circle into a virtuous one.

Can you also see a different therapist/counsellor? Maybe one who uses different techniques? I was so lucky that I had 28 counselling sessions with a counsellor and we just 'clicked' at the first one. Others take a while to find the right person to help them.

I expect your boss just doesn't really understand and therefore doesn't know what to say for the best.

re your brother... his comments were less than helpful - talk about kicking someone when they are down! It's so easy to judge when you're not the person who is suffering. I was on 7 prescribed medications and 3 supplements at one time. If you need them then you take them. Isn't he lucky that he doesn't need them? One day you may be able to reduce the number you take, but it's not sensible when you are feeling like this.

My whole house was a mess and no-one understood at all. I didn't either, but I do now. My mental problems were very deeply hidden, but it all makes sense to me now and I look back and wonder how I survived so many years of struggling when I didn't even know why I was struggling. Most people wouldn't have said there was anything wrong with me, just maybe that I was lazy. I wasn't lazy at all and I am actually quite proud of myself for coming through all of that. I look forward to the day when I see you post those words too..... It will come, but you will need a little help along the way, just like I did. Posting about it here was a very good start.

Well done on sharing.

Lots of big (but gentle) hugs from me too.
 

I love the way you put that "turning a viscious circle into a virtuous one".
 
Hey. I’ve had a few hiccups and coming here to vent always helps. My dogs motivate me to exercise as they obviously need a walk everyday.

If possible you could get a free app like MapMyWalk and start to use it whilst walking the dogs. It traces your route and gives you your time and pace. If can be a nice distraction to try and beat your own score. Maybe grab the lead next time you feel like grabbing a beer.

I know these things are easier said than done but if you need any help or advise or anything this is the place to be.
 
Hi @EveryCloud,
It sounds like you have geographically misplaced that silver lining. It is lost but is still there somewhere.
The following are suggestions, not medical advice or opinion.Your GP and other health team members are your source of that.
1) the pain of neuropathy must weigh heavily on you - what treatment are you prescribed for it ? Is it working ?
2) what tests have been done to exclude other causes of neuropathy, besides diabetes ?
3) alcohol, I read, can cause or contribute to neuropathy partly as a toxin, and because of the effect of it and stress on diet.
I believe B vitamins are often low in persons drinking alcohol and some people are prescribed B vitamins, particularly B1, B6, and B12 (e.g a multi B formulation). Nor is alcohol an effective pain killer or stress reliever. As @Juicyj has written, alcohol depresses a person. IT IS TOXIC.
4) In addition to your mother and pets at home you have other potential supports, such as those listed by other writers here, please use them
5) how do you get your alcohol? Please try not to encourage others to buy it for you. If you are able to go to the shop for it, you then have the means to exercise a bit, particularly if your neuropathy is better controlled, and to choose to exercise without going to buy alcohol. You might also think about joining AA. That will give you at least one person, your sponsor etc to talk with.
6) you say you are working. What type of work is this? And do you have any friends there and elsewhere to talk to?
7) sometimes my drastic measures such as alcohol detoxification programs are needed
8) the hardest thing is probably being able to love yourself, without alcohol as a prop. That will likely be easier if you are in less pain, feeling less frantic and free of alcohol.
Best Wishes and please keep posting - we are people you are talk to or at least communicate with and you are not the only one who thinks their bedroom or personal space is less than pristine !!
 
I have tried the alcohol route and it does not work but i have had mental health issues for 24 years with some good times and some bad. It was about 10 years ago when i was thinking of taking my own life as the hospital i was at was giving me no hope and it was a constant battle to get through the day. I had a daughter who was 6 and a son 4 and i think that's why i never went through with it, also my cousin who was more like a brother to me took his own life the year before. I carried the coffin and seen his son sobbing and seen the effects it took on his mother and father and i could not put my parents through the same.

I went to a different hospital and the consultant gave me hope which helped and in 2015 i had a double transplant which went well but the damage that the diabetes had done came up and knocked me for 6. I am not on insulin anymore but have a worse lifestyle but i am still here and have good and bad days, i have not had any mental health help for 10 months due to cut backs a rules. I am on a waiting list to see someone and hope i get help soon, what i have gone through and put my children through i can never forgive myself and now find myself as a single parent trying my best to bring them up.

I find it more easy to talk to someone who is not close to me but my parents would love me to talk to them and say i am a very deep person who only talks when i hit rock bottom. I find when i am in bed the worst as my mind works in overdrive. It does not matter if you take tablets as they and talking can help but people who have not got diabetes do not understand the daily battle we have. Try and get help but while you are waiting keep talking on here as a release, people have the impression that diabetes is just about sugar levels. It effects most parts of your life and i am sure that nearly every diabetic has bad days. Good luck and keep talking.
 
Feel like you every day and can’t cope xxxx hugs hun
 
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