Refusing to help himself

[Redpoppy]

Hi all, this is my first time, I'm writing for advice on how to help my brother who seems hell bent on self destruct. He was diagnosed approx 8 years ago type 1 insulin controlled 4x daily. He has always struggled to accept his diabetes and has never gained control however the last 12 months have gone from bad to dangerous. He refuses to check his blood take his insulin,he looks like death and has lost so much weight he can barely walk, and appears to have given up. Myself and my parents are at a wits end to help him and so worried that he will die. Any attempts to help are met with deviance or terrible anger outbursts. He's now taken to bed and seems as if he has given up on life. We have contacted the GP several months ago who prescribed antidepressants and he's stopped those too. He has had a rough time the last 3 years losing his job, long term relationship and his home and I empathise with all that but I want to help but he won't let us and I'm afraid that we'll go home to find him in a coma or even worse. I've spent the morning trying to find him support but nothing. I'm so worried. Has any body else had similar experiences themselves or with loved ones. I'm so desperate to help him.

 

[novorapidboi26]

I am so sorry to hear this...............

I have went through bad patches with no taking insulin, long term relationships ending badly, and financial problems........

It was me alone though that made the effort to go back to the clinic and get the advice I needed........

I fear this will be the same for your brother although I would agree that keeping at him will help, even though he and yourself wont think so, it does help as it lets him know that you care about him and love him, he will know this deep down........

how is the support at his local clinic?

have they offered any education courses like DAFNE, now would be a good time to attend seeing as he is unemployed currently......

If I was near you, I would happily come over to talk to him, take him through a day in my shoes...........

where are you from?

 

[noblehead]

How awful for you all.

All I can suggest is that your parents ask for your brothers gp to refer him for counselling, here they will help him accept that he has diabetes and from there he can begin to take control of it, also if your brother isn't under the care of a hospital team then I strongly suggest he should be, they are more use to dealing with the complexities of type 1 diabetes and might be able to offer him the help and support there, again his gp would need to refer him over.

Do seek help asap.

 

[Spiker]

That is terrible.

If he is not taking the antidepressants then the only course of action is to get him into a talking therapy with a counsellor. Is there any friend, mentor, coach, priest, ex, grandparent etc who could help persuade him to do this?

 

[Spiker]

As Dibbles said I think the key thing will be understanding and recognising the pain he is in, rather than everyone telling him what to do or scaring him with threats, appealing to him with guilt, etc.

It's also possible the source of his emotional pain is something other than the obvious problems he has had.

 

[zand]

This is so hard. I realise now that I have been depressed for 18 years. I didn't know what was wrong with me, just that I couldn't function like anyone else. I have been taking anti-depressants for about 3 weeks and have my first counselling session tomorrow (not sure if I'll go to any after that!!!!). What changed to make me seek help? Someone listened to me in a patient and non-judgmental way. I didn't know I needed help until it was offered to me. I'm sorry I can't suggest anything else except that I think Spiker is probably right that the " source of his emotional pain is something other than the obvious problems he has had." It certainly was with me.

 

[Kat100]

Hello, sorry to hear your sad news ...
If your brother is at risk , there are more options which can be done to assist your brother with his needs ...
A team of medical and mental health professionals could get involved to help ...
You are entitled to call someone out for a medical home visit (urgent) to access your brother , he really sounds unwell ...
If your brother takes his antidepressants , he will start to,see things more positively, don't leave seeking help to to late , your brothers perceptions are muddled at the moment , yours are not ...take control for him ...it may well be one of the best things you have done ...

( if you really don't get any joy with your gp, and I am not suggesting you won't , you can call 999 after all someone's life is at risk , and this can be physical or psychologically .... )

 

[Kat100]

This is so hard. I realise now that I have been depressed for 18 years. I didn't know what was wrong with me, just that I couldn't function like anyone else. I have been taking anti-depressants for about 3 weeks and have my first counselling session tomorrow (not sure if I'll go to any after that!!!!). What changed to make me seek help? Someone listened to me in a patient and non-judgmental way. I didn't know I needed help until it was offered to me. I'm sorry I can't suggest anything else except that I think Spiker is probably right that the " source of his emotional pain is something other than the obvious problems he has had." It certainly was with me.

Seeing the wood from the trees ...that is the hard part ...
Keep on the medication zand . Getting the chemical imbalance right is so important ...pleased you are feeling better ...talking about it is so often so hard , so well done to you for sharing what you are going through ...not easy ...
Please stick with the counselling though ...it really is good to talk to,someone who,you trust....
After 18 years you deserve to chat about things .... (Hugs) x

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi all, this is my first time, I'm writing for advice on how to help my brother who seems hell bent on self destruct. He was diagnosed approx 8 years ago type 1 insulin controlled 4x daily. He has always struggled to accept his diabetes and has never gained control however the last 12 months have gone from bad to dangerous. He refuses to check his blood take his insulin,he looks like death and has lost so much weight he can barely walk, and appears to have given up. Myself and my parents are at a wits end to help him and so worried that he will die. Any attempts to help are met with deviance or terrible anger outbursts. He's now taken to bed and seems as if he has given up on life. We have contacted the GP several months ago who prescribed antidepressants and he's stopped those too. He has had a rough time the last 3 years losing his job, long term relationship and his home and I empathise with all that but I want to help but he won't let us and I'm afraid that we'll go home to find him in a coma or even worse. I've spent the morning trying to find him support but nothing. I'm so worried. Has any body else had similar experiences themselves or with loved ones. I'm so desperate to help him.

Hi @Redpoppy,

I feel for you and your family as you must be feeling helpless.

In your situation I would ring his G..P. and explain what is going on and stress the urgency of the situation. . His behaviour will be classed as a danger to himself and his GP should alert the Mental Health Crisis Team to make an assessment. It may mean that he will be offered help on an outpatient basis or could be admitted to hospital.

Anti-depressants do not work straight away and counselling has long waiting lists unless he goes private. I very much doubt that he would accept any counselling given the state he is in.

This story, similar to your brother, shows what happens when people give up on the management of their diabetes, sad but true.

https://www.change.org/p/david-cameron-hold-an-inquiry-into-benefit-sanctions-that-killed-my-brother.

I urge you to do something today as time is not on his side.((((hugs))) for you and the family and please let us know what happens.