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Sabotage..

ladybird64

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,731
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
Dishonesty, selfishness and lack of empathy.
Odd question I know, and probably aimed at type 2's, but do you ever feel that either family or friends seem to deliberately sabotage your efforts to manage your condition with diet?
Eg, they know you are on the wagon and have given up certain foods/drinks, but they still insist on presenting you with them, no matter how much you tell them? I'm interested to hear any responses.
 
Used to happen a lot. But nowadays I either find myself in the company of people who don't know I have T2, or they know and respect my food choices.

But by heck, it has taken a while to get to this point!!!
 
Close family and friends would not dare. Or perhaps that is harsh, more that they understand because I told them about the reasons I eat how I do.

Less caring acquaintances, perhaps do offer the sort of food and drink that I would not choose. Sabotage? I am not sure if that is what it is. Maybe they don't understand, or I haven't explained to them, or maybe they just don't want to understand, or care enough.

For me, the real sabotage would come from within, because no matter what food is given to me, my choice whether or not I accept and consume it. Took me a long time to realise that too. Especially as I had been lead to believe from early conditioning that 'gifts' should be accepted gratefully, even if it was something I did not like.
 
Not sabotage, exactly. But my family and friends with T2 diabetes who have decided they are perfectly fine living with diabetic-normal blood glucose levels (e.g. below 10.0 by 2 hours after eating) very frequently make pointed, bordering on derogatory, statements when we are eating together. I try to be unobtrusive, but explain without fanfare when I'm asked a direct question. When one of my fellow T2 diabetics hears my explanation, they feel compelled to chime in with comments like, "I'm T2, as well, but I'm not going to deprive myself," or "I'm diabetic too, but I don't eat the way Neohdiver does."

I don't comment on what they eat, and I don't draw attention to what I eat. So why do they feel compelled to imply that what I'm doing is way over the top?
 
If the "obligatory" doughnut day happens at work I get looked upon as a freak when I turn it down. But most people don't know I'm diabetic.. I tend to make buisy somewhere else if I see a cake box materialise in the workplace.

They tend to leave it on the side..

I worked with an older T2 guy for a few weeks back last year (I don't judge.) but he was straight on it when they got passed round.. I kept quieter still when he came back for for my reject when I simply said "I don't like em."

II wouldn't say "sabotage" either..
The sharing of & providing of food & is part of most cultures around the world, which could cause an an underlying issue with the "host" when it's refused, to which they feel pressed to try harder with the guest...? Or even offended??
Just getting into the "psychology" of yer average doughnut sharer....
 
A co worker knows my bad diabetic history. Moving from t2 to T 1. She brought her new boyfriend over for dinner and said she'd bring an appetizer and asked what I wanted. I said of course I don't eat carbs but I can work around them. Thinking cheese and crackers I'll eat some chees, chips and dip I'll eat the dip with celery. What did she bring? FUDGE. I can't work around that. That is deliberate sabotage.

My mom on the other hand just simply doesn't get it. We went to visit them recently and I said I was in charge of food. I bought it all, cooked it all no cleaned it all up. Told her to have a Manhattan and get out of the kitchen. She loved it. I made good clean protein, salad and a very as well as roasted sweet potato for the carby people. I got rave reviews. She just doesn't know what a stinking carb is. At 86? I will forgive and move on but the do worker does know. Not much forgiveness. There...
 
My experience so far has been entirely positive from both friends and family. In fact they are more likely to question what I'm eating if they don't understand out of a sense of care. Guess I should be appreciative.


Sent from my iPad using DCUK Forum mobile app
 
I would not say my family actually sabotage anything deliberately...but there is very little thought put into their well meaning sweet parcels that I've received last 23 years through post. Every Easter, Christmas and for my birthday I receive mighty parcel full of all different kind of sweets and chocolates from my native country... NICE!
But it takes some amount of will power not to be naughty and make myself really ill. Yes, I do have odd little sweet or piece of choc....but it is just to get the flavours. I end up throwing most away as opened packets don't really keep for long and like now, I have quite a stash unopened packets in draw..no point opening them if I don't even fancy some....some might be even close to use by date too
I know they mean well....but... The penny doesn't seem to drop so I won't bother making a issue neither..
 
I have a friend who always smuggles me in a chocolate cake ... I go along with this and hide it .... Then after they have gone the wife works out how much of it I can eat
 
My family are very supportive, especially now that the results are visible. My OH likes to offer me a little treat every day - nowadays it's a square of 85% choc or a spoonful of almond butter. My sister served a separate starter (cheese and cured meats) and dessert (berries and cream) just for me at their big dinner party some months ago - that's my older sister who's had T2D for 20 years, is on a handful of medication and still at the BMI of 40+, but claims she cannot do what I'm doing My MIL, though, could be described as trying to sabotage my eating, but that's because she's a lovely French lady in her 80s who expresses affection through good food: at every meal we eat with her, she has to offer me some crusty bread and similar carby goodies, and I have to smile and say no, thanks. Then she remembers my diet, until the next time... (BTW, we do keep reminding her every time)
 
Sabotage I think, is only sabotage if the intent is there to ruin what you are achieving.
Perhaps we need to think of another definition of the 'kindness' feeders, and those who genuinely do not have a clue, or have limited interest in nutrition.
 
My FIL will outdo all the saboteurs in the world despite having diabetes himself, because he is selfish and been told he can eat whatever he wants and does, he thinks that me and wife can do the same.
When I've asked the question why he leaves all manner of baddies around, he laughs and says it's not a problem for us, why are we avoiding good wholesome food!

He believes I 've made up my condition.
And it's all in my head.
He believes that T2s can also eat everything as well!

When he does his shopping trips, he always brings in confectionery, cakes, biscuits and all manner of supposed goodies. Fills up the fridge with coke and orange juice etc.

So it's all in your face stuff, alongside the salad, and fresh meat.

It can be tempting, but when you realise, how even a treat now and then can do to you. Your resolve comes back!
 
I find people don't like to "deprive" me of the option to have the naughties, but I've rarely had anyone comment further when I've just politely said "No, thanks. not for me."

Rarely, someone will say something like, "but you're so trim, you don't have to watch your weight.", and I just deflect that saying "they don't really agree with me anymore", and it's job done.

On the other hand, last night MrB and I were out for a "dinner a deux", and when I had chose, his little eyes lit up. He asked if my main was to b e served with fries (it was) and he asked if he could have some of them, as his was coming with rice and he fancied a few fries.

Unfortunately, they were like McD fries, so of little real interest to either of us.
 
I've found most of my family and few close friends have been supportive, but my husband will often tend to be uncooperative, mainly over food shopping. He's been "in charge" of our budget since he retired early, and since I retired he's also insisted that all our food shopping is done online, which can make it inconvenient for me if I've needed some more specialist food items as I have to source and pay for these separately. He'll also ignore items that I put on "my part" of our weekly shopping list and have some ready excuses about why I don't get them, which can sometimes make it very difficult for me to keep to a decent and varied low carb diet. He's often quite keen to put me down regarding LCHF saying I don't have a clue, when he's actually quite ignorant about how I'm trying to manage my diabetes this way. It feels like a quite subtle but continuous undermining, rather than easier to handle in your face ignorant sabotage attempts, and it causes hell with my stress levels because it's much easier to deny it's happening.

Robbity
 
Is it time for a heart-to-heart about you taking over the food ordering? Perhaps he really doesn't realise what he's doing
 
Salvia said:
Is it time for a heart-to-heart about you taking over the food ordering? Perhaps he really doesn't realise what he's doing
Click to expand...
It's a power/control issue...

Robbity
 
Oh yes, only been diagnosed a few weeks, told all my friends (mixed response's "Oh what a shame :-(" to "Oh well, does it stop you having fun?") and my friends are more than happy to place cake and sweets in front of me and then "remember" I'm not supposed to be eating them. They get a good laugh out it and I would guess that over time they will get over it and realise that they can do it till the cows come home. It actually reinforces my will power NOT to eat them. I often wish them well with a "I hope you choke on that." as I smile sweetly. Be strong and know that there are loads of people out there without family and friends to support them.
If it really does upset you I would have a quiet word with them and let them know. Good luck.
 
I have chosen not to tell the older generation of my family and in - laws, they are all of 80 and have their own health worries. We tend to have sunday lunch an MIL's from time to time, and she puts the serves veggies in dishes, so I can choose what I want. Some friend who I have told dont all get it. Recently I was told by or host that she had cooked somethng that we could all eat. She had clearly mugged up on the NHS site. She told me the dish was low in fat and salt. Great, a bowl of pasta, and garlic bread on the side. Ho hum, she tried, bless.
 
Robbity, if I tried anything like that I suddenly feel the impact of a full nelson and Yvonne's side- belly-belly-suplex (for those of the world wide wrestling) federation and that's it I give in.


Sent from my iPad using DCUK Forum mobile app
 
I was only diagnosed 4 weeks ago and have tried my best to reduce my intake of carbs and sugar and have managed to lose 10lb so far. Anyway while explaining to a friend last week on what i should be cutting down on, she proceeded to tell me that i dont have diabetes because i dont have a sweet tooth....it's amazing what people think . After inviting me for dinner, i arrived to be told that we were going to have a chinese takeout or a kebab !!! There was no sabotage just a total lack of understanding ... lots of explaining was needed
 
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