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<blockquote data-quote="Lamont D" data-source="post: 2153153" data-attributes="member: 85785"><p>I have never had depression!</p><p>But I have had severe anxiety due to blood sugar levels that were so high, then really low, these symptoms were because my levels were on a rollercoaster ride, which had my brain all over the place, the worst was always, why?</p><p>When I asked why? I would always decide that I was to blame, then always the second guessing myself, the worry that I was wrong or what would happen to me, what I could avoid, because I couldn't face anything that would upset me or especially, the wife. I was so worried about how I came across to her, and my children, to be a failure, a person who would screw things up that they would think the worst about me and how I did things wrong, I was afraid to do things or say something, I would hide myself away, and try and hide the fact that I was doing this, I was losing friends, had to take early retirement, I was losing everything, and worst of all, the anxiety of losing everyone and I couldn't stop it. I was worried that people would hurt me, hated being in a lot of people's company, because I couldn't bring myself to be sociable, I was paranoid about going out, unless I had to, I couldn't bring myself to go the local shop in case I got it wrong or they were out of something on the shopping list! And of course, the dreams, the sleeplessness as a result of the dreams, the worry of feeling really ill, the lethargy, the actual act of leaving the wife in bed, in case she needed me, it took me about ten minutes to step through the front door.</p><p>When, my brain would close down because of hypos, forgetting things that I should have done or been somewhere and forgot things and so on.</p><p> The shame of all this and more!</p><p>I couldn't carry on, because I just wanted to lock myself away, needed to be away from everyone and everything! I started to think ugly thoughts, and of course what that brings about!</p><p>And through those few years, I lost my mother, two brothers, two brothers in law, the wife's parents became really ill! And my best friend succumbed to heart disease at the age of 42!</p><p>Of course, that could have easily put me beyond help and I believed that I was next, I always had an issue with dying, I actually thought as a teenager that I was cursed with a short life. </p><p>But one thing above all else had me thinking that it could get better and that I would like to have a normal life again. That was the wife!</p><p>After her injury that made her disabled and unable to cope, I was the only one who was able to help her through the treatment, the pain, the tears, the constant lack of mobility and the only one, who could do things for her. So the reason for avoiding her and the rest of the family, went, the focal point now in my life, was to tend and care for her, it brought a new reason to my life. Even though I still hadn't had my diagnosis and was still all over the place. My life had purpose!</p><p>I remember someone saying to me about twenty odd years ago, when a family friend committed suicide, this was at a funeral, the church was packed and someone else asked why? There was silence, and he said; </p><p>Only those who commit suicide, don't suffer the consequences!</p><p>The pain left behind, for those who are left to pick up the pieces is worse.</p><p></p><p>I still get anxiety attacks despite my continuous good health since diagnosis, I still ask myself those insidious questions. Why? How? And so on.</p><p></p><p>My only sin, now, is football, from a youngster, my love for the beautiful game was only surpassed by my close, big family. The knowledge that I could go and watch footie, my local club, my kids and grandkids football, I could watch football on my television at home. This keeps my sanity in check. And of course got me out and about! </p><p></p><p>The continuous growth of my close family, the kids and grandkids have blessed me with seven grandkids! I have found myself, in a great job, as my wife's health has improved, that I now can work full time. My time is full of good things at my upbringing has kept me fighting for my good health and living my life, that I never thought possible, in so many ways!</p><p></p><p>Life, will always bring its ups and downs, the happiest times are the best, the bad can be hard, but with help from family, friends and loved ones support, the best is probably to come.</p><p>I always find solace and relief from my anxiety by talking to those who understand what you are going through. Talk to someone, talk to anyone who is willing to listen.</p><p>And, of course, talk to your GP.</p><p>Your doctor will understand, and arrange for you some sort of help.</p><p>Keep going back if you must, be relentless, battle back, it is your health and the length of time you are quoting is ludicrous.</p><p>Go back to your GP and demand help, any help!</p><p></p><p>Anything is better than what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>My best wishes</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lamont D, post: 2153153, member: 85785"] I have never had depression! But I have had severe anxiety due to blood sugar levels that were so high, then really low, these symptoms were because my levels were on a rollercoaster ride, which had my brain all over the place, the worst was always, why? When I asked why? I would always decide that I was to blame, then always the second guessing myself, the worry that I was wrong or what would happen to me, what I could avoid, because I couldn't face anything that would upset me or especially, the wife. I was so worried about how I came across to her, and my children, to be a failure, a person who would screw things up that they would think the worst about me and how I did things wrong, I was afraid to do things or say something, I would hide myself away, and try and hide the fact that I was doing this, I was losing friends, had to take early retirement, I was losing everything, and worst of all, the anxiety of losing everyone and I couldn't stop it. I was worried that people would hurt me, hated being in a lot of people's company, because I couldn't bring myself to be sociable, I was paranoid about going out, unless I had to, I couldn't bring myself to go the local shop in case I got it wrong or they were out of something on the shopping list! And of course, the dreams, the sleeplessness as a result of the dreams, the worry of feeling really ill, the lethargy, the actual act of leaving the wife in bed, in case she needed me, it took me about ten minutes to step through the front door. When, my brain would close down because of hypos, forgetting things that I should have done or been somewhere and forgot things and so on. The shame of all this and more! I couldn't carry on, because I just wanted to lock myself away, needed to be away from everyone and everything! I started to think ugly thoughts, and of course what that brings about! And through those few years, I lost my mother, two brothers, two brothers in law, the wife's parents became really ill! And my best friend succumbed to heart disease at the age of 42! Of course, that could have easily put me beyond help and I believed that I was next, I always had an issue with dying, I actually thought as a teenager that I was cursed with a short life. But one thing above all else had me thinking that it could get better and that I would like to have a normal life again. That was the wife! After her injury that made her disabled and unable to cope, I was the only one who was able to help her through the treatment, the pain, the tears, the constant lack of mobility and the only one, who could do things for her. So the reason for avoiding her and the rest of the family, went, the focal point now in my life, was to tend and care for her, it brought a new reason to my life. Even though I still hadn't had my diagnosis and was still all over the place. My life had purpose! I remember someone saying to me about twenty odd years ago, when a family friend committed suicide, this was at a funeral, the church was packed and someone else asked why? There was silence, and he said; Only those who commit suicide, don't suffer the consequences! The pain left behind, for those who are left to pick up the pieces is worse. I still get anxiety attacks despite my continuous good health since diagnosis, I still ask myself those insidious questions. Why? How? And so on. My only sin, now, is football, from a youngster, my love for the beautiful game was only surpassed by my close, big family. The knowledge that I could go and watch footie, my local club, my kids and grandkids football, I could watch football on my television at home. This keeps my sanity in check. And of course got me out and about! The continuous growth of my close family, the kids and grandkids have blessed me with seven grandkids! I have found myself, in a great job, as my wife's health has improved, that I now can work full time. My time is full of good things at my upbringing has kept me fighting for my good health and living my life, that I never thought possible, in so many ways! Life, will always bring its ups and downs, the happiest times are the best, the bad can be hard, but with help from family, friends and loved ones support, the best is probably to come. I always find solace and relief from my anxiety by talking to those who understand what you are going through. Talk to someone, talk to anyone who is willing to listen. And, of course, talk to your GP. Your doctor will understand, and arrange for you some sort of help. Keep going back if you must, be relentless, battle back, it is your health and the length of time you are quoting is ludicrous. Go back to your GP and demand help, any help! Anything is better than what you are going through. My best wishes [/QUOTE]
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