So this is going to be hard to write. I have generally always suffered with depression and fought it off for many years on and off. Since being diagnosed with type 1 it has been a lot harder to deal with my emotions. I'm having more and more dark and irrational thoughts and not quite sure what to do. I went to the hospital in March to seek advice. I was put through to the psychology department and I have been on the waiting list for 6 months to see someone. That's such a long time to wait for any help. There's only so much you can tell your friends/family. The thing that is really getting to me at the moment is being scared of dying. Stop reading here if you don't want to be brought down! So it has really never bothered me before. I just turned 32, I'm married with a house and going to start trying for a baby soon. So life is generally good. However the last year has been a roller coaster of emotions. ( I have had diabetes for about 14 months now). I have been thinking more and more about death and I don't want people thinking I'm crazy. But I'm terrified of the inevitable. I'm going to die, and be forgotten within a few generations. I will not make a dent on the world and in 100 years, no-one will remember me or care about my life. I don't see the point of it all. I know it sounds proper cliched but we are so tiny and insignificant. Like my life doesn't mean anything. I have no purpose. That's seriously how I have been thinking recently and it's constant. Thinking about it all the time is exhausting. No-one seems to understand. I know I can't do a thing about it. I wish I kind of didn't know what would happen as we get older. I think we are the only species that are aware we are going to die? It's scary as hell. I feel like I need to do something that will go down in history, like have a legacy, so I'm remembered. I don't want to be forgotten like I never existed in the first place. I have been waiting for 6 months for someone to help me and it's getting worse. I generally want to know if anybody else feels like this? Or am I a lunatic. Like I go to work and I just don't try anymore, I don't care. Like what's the point?