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<blockquote data-quote="JoKalsbeek" data-source="post: 2153641" data-attributes="member: 401801"><p>@colpaxclarkese, honey, you're not a lunatic. What I'm reading is someone with a severe depression and yes, you do need help sooner rather than later. I don't know whether you can go back to your GP, but while there are (in the Netherlands anyway), massive waiting lists for therapy, the actual perscribing of antidepressants might be something your GP can help with. Tell them the thoughts are overwhelming and you need help NOW. You might want to try amytriptyline, I rather liked it while it lasted. (I wasn't supposed to get it in the first place, because of the contra-indications with Sjogrens rheumatism. Darn.) It gave me a little peace of mind, besides helping me sleep. And it's usually perscribed for diabetic neuropathy, so far as I know it shouldn't clash with your T1.</p><p></p><p>I know the world won't remember me, hell, my neigbours don't even know me. I am locked in my flat more often than not, because I'm afraid to go outside and run into people, so i only go to the doc by myself , or go out with my husband one day in the weekend, and that's it. The most interacting I do with human kind, outside of my husband, is right here in the forum. And even that can get a bit much. I know the world wouldn't miss me, and it won't take generations for people to forget about me. I'll be gone from their minds, well... Considering the steadily decreasing amount of christmas cards every year, I might as well be gone already. So. No, you're not the only one with those thoughts. We<em> are</em> insignificant. Statement of fact, right there.</p><p></p><p>BUT.</p><p></p><p>Whatever we may be in the<em> grand scheme of things</em>, we mean something to the people that care about us. The <em>micro scheme of things</em>, so to speak. I know what it'd do to my husband if I wasn't here anymore. (Which is also why I tackled the T2 head-on... I don't give a **** about myself, but I'm not making him an early widower!). I'd take my mom with me, I'm sure; she wouldn't survive another week, because she wouldn't want to. And yeah, the cat would miss the heck out of me. (I adore my cat, so that isn't comic relief in a heavy post right there.). So we can't all be remembered as a Stephen Hawking or Queen Victoria. <em>We matter to the people around us, even if we can't see the importance of our lives ourselves.</em> They love us, they do care. And if that's just one person or a hand full, that's something quite beautiful and worthwhile right there. And this is coming from someone who has the "I should be dead" thought multiple times a day, and has lived with a clinical depression since, well, forever really, because I've never been any other way. Depression can be as deadly a condition as T1 can be. You've managed T1 for this long. Now it might be time to start managing your depression with the same stamina. This is real, this is something that can be treated. Don't take no and waiting lists for an answer.</p><p></p><p>You are worth it, you know. And life is worth it, too.</p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JoKalsbeek, post: 2153641, member: 401801"] @colpaxclarkese, honey, you're not a lunatic. What I'm reading is someone with a severe depression and yes, you do need help sooner rather than later. I don't know whether you can go back to your GP, but while there are (in the Netherlands anyway), massive waiting lists for therapy, the actual perscribing of antidepressants might be something your GP can help with. Tell them the thoughts are overwhelming and you need help NOW. You might want to try amytriptyline, I rather liked it while it lasted. (I wasn't supposed to get it in the first place, because of the contra-indications with Sjogrens rheumatism. Darn.) It gave me a little peace of mind, besides helping me sleep. And it's usually perscribed for diabetic neuropathy, so far as I know it shouldn't clash with your T1. I know the world won't remember me, hell, my neigbours don't even know me. I am locked in my flat more often than not, because I'm afraid to go outside and run into people, so i only go to the doc by myself , or go out with my husband one day in the weekend, and that's it. The most interacting I do with human kind, outside of my husband, is right here in the forum. And even that can get a bit much. I know the world wouldn't miss me, and it won't take generations for people to forget about me. I'll be gone from their minds, well... Considering the steadily decreasing amount of christmas cards every year, I might as well be gone already. So. No, you're not the only one with those thoughts. We[I] are[/I] insignificant. Statement of fact, right there. BUT. Whatever we may be in the[I] grand scheme of things[/I], we mean something to the people that care about us. The [I]micro scheme of things[/I], so to speak. I know what it'd do to my husband if I wasn't here anymore. (Which is also why I tackled the T2 head-on... I don't give a **** about myself, but I'm not making him an early widower!). I'd take my mom with me, I'm sure; she wouldn't survive another week, because she wouldn't want to. And yeah, the cat would miss the heck out of me. (I adore my cat, so that isn't comic relief in a heavy post right there.). So we can't all be remembered as a Stephen Hawking or Queen Victoria. [I]We matter to the people around us, even if we can't see the importance of our lives ourselves.[/I] They love us, they do care. And if that's just one person or a hand full, that's something quite beautiful and worthwhile right there. And this is coming from someone who has the "I should be dead" thought multiple times a day, and has lived with a clinical depression since, well, forever really, because I've never been any other way. Depression can be as deadly a condition as T1 can be. You've managed T1 for this long. Now it might be time to start managing your depression with the same stamina. This is real, this is something that can be treated. Don't take no and waiting lists for an answer. You are worth it, you know. And life is worth it, too. Hugs, Jo [/QUOTE]
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