Hello, my girlfriend has just been diagnosed type 1 diabetes and she says it has brought her to reconcider her life and she wants to put a pause momentarily to our relationship. :? I looked this website for information on diabetes and thought I would join this forum! Where could I find information and how could I help HER in this tough time and give her the Valentine's Day of her life!!? Thank you for any word of encouragement.
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- Thread starter Valentine
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wow, the very fact you're on ere trying to find stuff out in order to be able to speak the same language is just brilliant. been type 1 for 12 years, my hubby was there at the start, he kinda knows about it but not really that much (i'm not sure i know that much after reading some of the detailed posts on here!). i would find it invaluable to be able to talk to my other half about issues and work stuff out, i would LOVE it if he was interested to learn more about it. you are one in a million :thumbup:
learn all you can learn about it with her, she's gonna have alot of times where she is trying to balance things and it will be great to bounce theories and ideas off another person who knows enough about it.
learn all you can learn about it with her, she's gonna have alot of times where she is trying to balance things and it will be great to bounce theories and ideas off another person who knows enough about it.
angieG
Well-Known Member
Valentine,
It may be that she feels she will be a burden on you and limit your enjoyment of life in the future.
I'm type 2 but when I was diagnosed I felt that my better half may not want the hassle of 'putting up with it all' (especially since his ex-wife was a type 1) so I felt very miserable about putting all that onto him and being inadequate.
Now 15 months down the line since diagnosis he has been a real rock to me. He buys whatever I CAN eat when he does the grocery shopping regardless of the cost, goes along with weird and whacky meal trials and is wonderful support.
Just talk to her about how she feels, what effect the diagnosis has had on her confidence and self-esteem and be there for her. Once she gets over the initial shock if she knows you are there as a shoulder to cry on when things get a bit much you will hopefully become part and parcel of her life with diabetes.
Good luck to you both and well done on caring for her so much. :clap:
Regards
Angie
It may be that she feels she will be a burden on you and limit your enjoyment of life in the future.
I'm type 2 but when I was diagnosed I felt that my better half may not want the hassle of 'putting up with it all' (especially since his ex-wife was a type 1) so I felt very miserable about putting all that onto him and being inadequate.
Now 15 months down the line since diagnosis he has been a real rock to me. He buys whatever I CAN eat when he does the grocery shopping regardless of the cost, goes along with weird and whacky meal trials and is wonderful support.
Just talk to her about how she feels, what effect the diagnosis has had on her confidence and self-esteem and be there for her. Once she gets over the initial shock if she knows you are there as a shoulder to cry on when things get a bit much you will hopefully become part and parcel of her life with diabetes.
Good luck to you both and well done on caring for her so much. :clap:
Regards
Angie
Riesenburg
Well-Known Member
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- Doctors who know less about diabetes and endocrinology than their patients.
Hi Valentine.
If it is ok I would like to share a few pointers which might help a little.
Try to give her some space, she has just been told that she has this 'terrible' condition, that she will have to inject for the rest of her life, watch what she eats, how much she eats... and that if she does it wrong she will risk complications (if sugars are kept too high) or risk life (if she takes too much insulin). It is a rather large bombshell to deal with. Be there for her to cry on your shoulder but also try to give her a little space to think. I cannot remember what it was like since I was very young when diagnosed but even after 30 years I can still say it's by no means a walk in the park. But with the increasing number of diabetics living for 60 years + with the condition it is by no means a show stopper (so to speak).
Now a few tips for you:
When experiencing a hypo it can be terrifying, and a feeling of complete total vulnerability overwhelms you. Different people deal with it in different ways. When we go hyper (too much sugars) a type of irritability comes over us, it's natural don't let it upset you and don't try to focus on it much. That should give you a quick rundown of the two extremes which can happen.
You can tell easily if she is low (eyes will glaze a bit, reactions slow down, and we go very pale). If you see those signs just suggest that it might be a a good idea to go eat something.
Just be supportive and try not to judge because she could feel bad about what happens without realizing that it is not her fault, that she should not blame herself it's perfectly normal.
Hope those few bits and bobs help,
If there is anything else you want to know and cannot find on the forums just ask I am sure many of us would love to help with a little advice here and there.
Frankie
If it is ok I would like to share a few pointers which might help a little.
Try to give her some space, she has just been told that she has this 'terrible' condition, that she will have to inject for the rest of her life, watch what she eats, how much she eats... and that if she does it wrong she will risk complications (if sugars are kept too high) or risk life (if she takes too much insulin). It is a rather large bombshell to deal with. Be there for her to cry on your shoulder but also try to give her a little space to think. I cannot remember what it was like since I was very young when diagnosed but even after 30 years I can still say it's by no means a walk in the park. But with the increasing number of diabetics living for 60 years + with the condition it is by no means a show stopper (so to speak).
Now a few tips for you:
When experiencing a hypo it can be terrifying, and a feeling of complete total vulnerability overwhelms you. Different people deal with it in different ways. When we go hyper (too much sugars) a type of irritability comes over us, it's natural don't let it upset you and don't try to focus on it much. That should give you a quick rundown of the two extremes which can happen.
You can tell easily if she is low (eyes will glaze a bit, reactions slow down, and we go very pale). If you see those signs just suggest that it might be a a good idea to go eat something.
Just be supportive and try not to judge because she could feel bad about what happens without realizing that it is not her fault, that she should not blame herself it's perfectly normal.
Hope those few bits and bobs help,
If there is anything else you want to know and cannot find on the forums just ask I am sure many of us would love to help with a little advice here and there.
Frankie
Littleholls
Member
- Messages
- 20
I am recently diagnose type 1 (november 2011) at 27 years old. I know what your girlfriend is going through. If she's like me immediately after diagnosis, she won't be able to see life beyond the diabetes.
Initially, all I thought was the bad stuff, the injections, the complications and I think that's natural, particularly with type 1 where onset of symptoms can be so sudden.
At first, I felt like diabetes was all consuming. It was all I thought about. Insulin, food, testing, etc.
Then life has a habit of going on!
Before long, your girlfriend will begin to gain confidence in herself and her condition. It's not easy of course, but you do come to terms with it slowly but surely.
I agree with others' suggestions to give her space to come to terms with the life changing news she's had. The best thing you can do is to be there for her when she needs you.
It sounds like you're already prepared to take good care of her when she's ready.
Initially, all I thought was the bad stuff, the injections, the complications and I think that's natural, particularly with type 1 where onset of symptoms can be so sudden.
At first, I felt like diabetes was all consuming. It was all I thought about. Insulin, food, testing, etc.
Then life has a habit of going on!
Before long, your girlfriend will begin to gain confidence in herself and her condition. It's not easy of course, but you do come to terms with it slowly but surely.
I agree with others' suggestions to give her space to come to terms with the life changing news she's had. The best thing you can do is to be there for her when she needs you.
It sounds like you're already prepared to take good care of her when she's ready.
Thank you all for your "words of wisdom" it's very encouraging.
This website and specially this forum have been a great help, I have found a lot of answers to my question. Actually her auntie is her diabetes doctor and it was herwho told me to take great care and understand her so that between the 2 of us we could help her because the rest of her family have been just as shocked as my darling and they don't know what to do. i'm just going to tell them all about this wonderful website and the forum.
Thank you all again for your help, it's amazing how you all make the most of life despite the ilness.
Just an other question could she get a pump it seems so much easier than to inject everyday?
This website and specially this forum have been a great help, I have found a lot of answers to my question. Actually her auntie is her diabetes doctor and it was herwho told me to take great care and understand her so that between the 2 of us we could help her because the rest of her family have been just as shocked as my darling and they don't know what to do. i'm just going to tell them all about this wonderful website and the forum.
Thank you all again for your help, it's amazing how you all make the most of life despite the ilness.
Just an other question could she get a pump it seems so much easier than to inject everyday?
Riesenburg
Well-Known Member
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- Doctors who know less about diabetes and endocrinology than their patients.
Hi Valentine,
Humm pump vs insulin hard one that, my gut feel would be let things settle down at first. It is a lot to handle without adding even more complications. Which to go for is a very personal choice, some people prefer pumps because it gives them a steady flow of insulin without having to inject all the time. I was on a pump as a child and absolutely hated it, so much in fact that when anyone mentions pumps I just reply no regardless of their positives. Just makes me feel less in control and even more of an outsider, besides if you are very physically active it is a little annoying. It is a very personal choice.
My advice would be allow things to settle down first, see how she gets along with injecting, and let her come to terms with it all before adding more things to deal with.
Hope that helps,
Frankie
Humm pump vs insulin hard one that, my gut feel would be let things settle down at first. It is a lot to handle without adding even more complications. Which to go for is a very personal choice, some people prefer pumps because it gives them a steady flow of insulin without having to inject all the time. I was on a pump as a child and absolutely hated it, so much in fact that when anyone mentions pumps I just reply no regardless of their positives. Just makes me feel less in control and even more of an outsider, besides if you are very physically active it is a little annoying. It is a very personal choice.
My advice would be allow things to settle down first, see how she gets along with injecting, and let her come to terms with it all before adding more things to deal with.
Hope that helps,
Frankie
copepod
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 735
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
A slightly different point of view from me - I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a 30 year old woman, about 16 years ago, which meant my recent Marine Biology degree became virtually useless, any hope of working in Antarctica gone, couldn't rejoin TA (had resigned to try to emigrate to Australia or NZ, where I was diagnosed at a SCUBA diving medical) etc. I didn't have a relationship then, and quite honestly, I couldn't have coped with one - employment, driving etc was all more than enough to deal with.
However, within 3 years of diagnosis, I had completed an MSc, got some work for a scientific research organisation, and met my partner - and we're still together
He kept coming into computer room where I was data entering - I thought it was the attraction of an air conditioned room, the only one in that part of the building and it was a hot summer. He asled if I'd like to go canoeing, was very impressed when he realised I was a compentent paddler and had built my own fibreglass kayak many years earlier.
Very early on in our relationship, I told him that if I ever said "I need to eat", I really mean that I urgenlty need carbohydrate, preferably sugar, whereas "I'm hungry" means just that - no urgency. It has worked well fro us, even in some very odd situations eg trekking in South America, Atlas Mountains, ski touring in Norway, kayaking Caledonian Canal etc. Not sure if you and your girlfriend like that sort of thing?
However, within 3 years of diagnosis, I had completed an MSc, got some work for a scientific research organisation, and met my partner - and we're still together
He kept coming into computer room where I was data entering - I thought it was the attraction of an air conditioned room, the only one in that part of the building and it was a hot summer. He asled if I'd like to go canoeing, was very impressed when he realised I was a compentent paddler and had built my own fibreglass kayak many years earlier. Very early on in our relationship, I told him that if I ever said "I need to eat", I really mean that I urgenlty need carbohydrate, preferably sugar, whereas "I'm hungry" means just that - no urgency. It has worked well fro us, even in some very odd situations eg trekking in South America, Atlas Mountains, ski touring in Norway, kayaking Caledonian Canal etc. Not sure if you and your girlfriend like that sort of thing?
Just amazing copepod!! I must talk to her about all you did despite your diabetes! I think it's one of her problem that her life won't be the same from now on and she thinks she won't be able to do all the things she wants. It's been a week since she was diagnosed and I have respected her need for being on her own but how should I come back to her?
Though I can't really comment on how you try & help her, I can say that there's not much you can't do with diabetes (except scuba dive, become a police officer or an astronaut 
). I am active, I waterski & windsurf every summer, I go white-water rafting each year. I swim every week, go cycling, hold down a more-than-full-time job, eat, drink and have a lot of fun. I was diagnosed aged 26 getting on for 20 years ago. Diabetes is a pain, but it is not a death sentence. It can be overwhelming & when things aren't going well (which they often don't for me even now), it can feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but there always is. You need to work through the negatives & find the positives. Don't listen too hard to all the bad things that can happen, if you're sensible many of them won't. My father has been T1 for 55 years (now aged 76), he and my mother travel the world still (China last October, Jordan this April etc. etc.) and he still has reasonable health (minor heart problems, but mainly caused by it running in our family & smoking when he was younger rather than diabetes per se). Nobody likes to be different, especially when you're young, but life with diabetes can and does continue. Chin up.
). I am active, I waterski & windsurf every summer, I go white-water rafting each year. I swim every week, go cycling, hold down a more-than-full-time job, eat, drink and have a lot of fun. I was diagnosed aged 26 getting on for 20 years ago. Diabetes is a pain, but it is not a death sentence. It can be overwhelming & when things aren't going well (which they often don't for me even now), it can feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but there always is. You need to work through the negatives & find the positives. Don't listen too hard to all the bad things that can happen, if you're sensible many of them won't. My father has been T1 for 55 years (now aged 76), he and my mother travel the world still (China last October, Jordan this April etc. etc.) and he still has reasonable health (minor heart problems, but mainly caused by it running in our family & smoking when he was younger rather than diabetes per se). Nobody likes to be different, especially when you're young, but life with diabetes can and does continue. Chin up.You are all great helpers and I appreciate this forum more and more everyday! When she "opens up a bit" the first thing I'll do is tell her to go and have a look at this website and specially the forum!! Great news to I had ordered a week-end spa treatment for Valentine's Day (well for next week-end actually but it was to be her Valentine!!) but as "she didn't feel doing anything for the next weeks after being diagnosed" as she said, I phoned the spa resort and when they understood the problem they said "Keep the booking and come when ever you can"!! :thumbup: Thanks again for all your posts!!
copepod
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 735
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
One thing I have learned is that I have to find lateral ways to achieve what I want eg depsite not being able to work in Antarctica, I gained enough science and outdoor activity experience to be a Chief Scientist on a youth expedtiion to Chile, Falklands & South Georgia, and because I could speak more Spanish than any other leaders (had done O level years before, worked in Mexico & Costa Rica and travelled indepentely in Dominican Rep, Ecuador, Chile and Argentina) I went in advance party and when I found a Chilean woman in the city where I live to practice conversation, she arranged to the advance party to stay with a friend of hers and the whole expedition to sleep one night in a school gym.
I did build up gradually, though - an uncle & aunt who lived on a small holiding in Brittany invited me to stay with them over Christmas, then a couple of months later, an Australian friend, a student midwife, invited me to travel round Belgium with her, as she really wanted to go, but knew her French was a bit limited, then I led a 1 month exped to Costa Rica that summer.
So, I reckon as spa weekend will be ideal when she's ready for it. If you can get her to look at this thread, assuming she won't be angry that you've been discussing her, even without any identifying facts, then might be worth trying that.
Valentine's girlfriend, if you're reading this, and feel it would help to "chat" to a person about 15 years ahead of you in life with diabetes (and no complications, by the way! ) then please do PM me.
I did build up gradually, though - an uncle & aunt who lived on a small holiding in Brittany invited me to stay with them over Christmas, then a couple of months later, an Australian friend, a student midwife, invited me to travel round Belgium with her, as she really wanted to go, but knew her French was a bit limited, then I led a 1 month exped to Costa Rica that summer.
So, I reckon as spa weekend will be ideal when she's ready for it. If you can get her to look at this thread, assuming she won't be angry that you've been discussing her, even without any identifying facts, then might be worth trying that.
Valentine's girlfriend, if you're reading this, and feel it would help to "chat" to a person about 15 years ahead of you in life with diabetes (and no complications, by the way! )
then please do PM me.Hi valentine
my husband was diagnosed type 2, 3 weeks after our son was born. It was a very hard first year as he didn't cope with the news well and it is a cloud that hangs over us but i support and try to help him as much as i can. He is now an insulin dependent type 1. He had the opportunity to attend the dapne course which is fantastic. basically the Insulin you need to inject is 1 unit per 10 grams of carbs. This is then adjusted dependent on that person so it can take a few weeks to master but then its so much easier. my husbands ratio changes throughout the day so for instance say husbands tea time meal has 150g of carbs this would be 15 units of insulin but my husband has a teatime ratio of 2:1 so he would have 30 units. I know this probably sounds complete gobbletygook but it really does work. he now has an app on his phone that can work out the carbs in a meal which has been invaluable. his hba1c is never above 7. he has everything he wants in moderation so if he wants that piece of cake he has it and medicates himself accordingly. He also exercises.
Despite how your girlfriend is feeling right now, her life isn't over, she just needs to educate herself and get plenty of support from you and people around her. good luck with it all and i hope i have been of some use to you.
my husband was diagnosed type 2, 3 weeks after our son was born. It was a very hard first year as he didn't cope with the news well and it is a cloud that hangs over us but i support and try to help him as much as i can. He is now an insulin dependent type 1. He had the opportunity to attend the dapne course which is fantastic. basically the Insulin you need to inject is 1 unit per 10 grams of carbs. This is then adjusted dependent on that person so it can take a few weeks to master but then its so much easier. my husbands ratio changes throughout the day so for instance say husbands tea time meal has 150g of carbs this would be 15 units of insulin but my husband has a teatime ratio of 2:1 so he would have 30 units. I know this probably sounds complete gobbletygook but it really does work. he now has an app on his phone that can work out the carbs in a meal which has been invaluable. his hba1c is never above 7. he has everything he wants in moderation so if he wants that piece of cake he has it and medicates himself accordingly. He also exercises.
Despite how your girlfriend is feeling right now, her life isn't over, she just needs to educate herself and get plenty of support from you and people around her. good luck with it all and i hope i have been of some use to you.
Thank you rcj!
I think she starts to understand that I really care but she still think she won't be able to have a normal life because of all the troubles with injecting and so on!!
I told her to have a look at this forum but she still doesn't want to speak about it!I have to show her an other post on this forum from gollymax who shows his 50 years diabetes medals!! And all the other posts from people who enjoy the life just the same if not better because healthier!!
This is a great forum and you've all been wonderful helpers! :clap: :clap:
I think she starts to understand that I really care but she still think she won't be able to have a normal life because of all the troubles with injecting and so on!!
I told her to have a look at this forum but she still doesn't want to speak about it!I have to show her an other post on this forum from gollymax who shows his 50 years diabetes medals!! And all the other posts from people who enjoy the life just the same if not better because healthier!!
This is a great forum and you've all been wonderful helpers! :clap: :clap:
