Pura Vida
Well-Known Member
Duhhhhh.......
1.
AT&T
fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A
LITTLE
HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police
in
Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line, shouting,
'Please come out and give yourself
up.'
3. *WHAT WAS
PLAN
B?
An
Illinois
man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to
drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4.
*THE
GETAWAY!
A
man walked
into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the
cash
drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store
clerk
and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and
grabbed him.
5. *DID I
SAY
THAT?
Police in
Los
Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself
during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words:
'Give me all your money or I'll
shoot', the man shouted, 'that's
not what I said!'
6. *ARE
WE
COMMUNICATING?
A
man spoke
frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her
contractions
are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?'
the doctor asked.
'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her
husband!'
7. *NOT
THE
SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto,
CA,
Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellooooooo...!!!)
8. *THE
GRAND
FINALE!
Last
summer,
down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east
of
Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter
how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22
foot boat, going. It
was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter how much power they
applied. After about an hour of trying to
make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there
may be able to tell them what was wrong. A
thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition. The
engine ran fine,
the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the
correct size
and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the
boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer!
*Now
remember,
these are all true stories, these people vote and most have
children!
1.
AT&T
fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A
LITTLE
HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police
in
Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line, shouting,
'Please come out and give yourself
up.'
3. *WHAT WAS
PLAN
B?
An
Illinois
man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to
drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4.
*THE
GETAWAY!
A
man walked
into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the
cash
drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store
clerk
and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and
grabbed him.
5. *DID I
SAY
THAT?
Police in
Los
Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself
during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words:
'Give me all your money or I'll
shoot', the man shouted, 'that's
not what I said!'
6. *ARE
WE
COMMUNICATING?
A
man spoke
frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her
contractions
are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?'
the doctor asked.
'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her
husband!'
7. *NOT
THE
SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto,
CA,
Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellooooooo...!!!)
8. *THE
GRAND
FINALE!
Last
summer,
down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east
of
Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter
how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22
foot boat, going. It
was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter how much power they
applied. After about an hour of trying to
make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there
may be able to tell them what was wrong. A
thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition. The
engine ran fine,
the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the
correct size
and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the
boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer!
*Now
remember,
these are all true stories, these people vote and most have
children!
