So tired...

So it's the moment to be selfish. Stop think to other and make someting interesting for you.

[tt]
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major *******: I did sir. He’s my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an ******* sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What’s his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. *******, Major *******!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an ******* too sir. Gunner’s mate First Class Philip *******!
Dark Helmet: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I’m surrounded by assholes![/tt]

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I'm surronded with assholes. I've got a strong "who gives a ****" after being diagnosed with diabetes. If I have noting to do for other I do something for me, like study something, make a trip, read a book. The important this is, for me to don't indulge on empty activities like Facebook surfing or watching the TV.

Yes, sometime I fell tired and slow - especially this winter - but now with the spring I feel more energetic.

'There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on '.................... and make time for you
'It is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life'

leslie10152 said:

I have done this for years, yet I feel that I am growing weary of the effort.

I try to motivate myself, yet I find I am driving so many around me - yet there is little left for me. I give all to others and I leave little for myself. After 22 years on my own, there is little motivation to continue. The forum has been a tremendous help, but after so much resistance and apathy from others.....I really feel that there is little to continue for.

There are so many people I know who tell me to live....yet what do I live for? For them? They will continue to live without me. They have families, I do not. Sometimes I feel that my job here is done. I have helped so many make it to their destination. Yet, I remain adrift.

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Awful to feel low like this - I think you would benefit from talking to some one about your feelings . You sound quite depressed- take care of yourself

@leslie10152 , thank you for posting this. It's so important to share feelings like this.

The others of whom you speak - please express to them in the same terms as you have expressed here the things you are feeling. It is all too common for people - all of us I'm sure, at some point - to just NOT SEE what's going on with their friends. Sometimes people DO just need a heads-up - 'hey, I really need to talk to you about something. Can you make me a cuppa/come for a walk with me/cook me that amazing steak you've been raving about/come for a drive?'. And once you have their attention, talk, talk and talk some more.

I am sure those around you to whom you have been of such support yourself would be kicking themselves to realise they are not giving you the support that you need. Horribly it might be simply the case that they haven't noticed, because you ARE so strong yourself.

Would you please accept a Snapsy hug? Sending strength.

Balancing diabetes with a full-on life is a massive deal. Do remember - and perhaps your friends haven't noticed - that I'm sure many of those around you are tied up *just* in their full-on life and its many struggles. And it is because on the outside you are so on top of your game as you have to be just to thrive and survive, they just simply don't realise what you have to work out, think about and do every minute of every day, just to be able to live healthily, IN ADDITION TO all the other stuff!

These others of yours perhaps take many aspects of their own lives for granted. With type 2 diabetes, your life is rather more of a challenge.

Love Snapsy
(Survivor. In long-term therapy. Very often very down. Lover of this forum. Top hugger.)

I bought myself a trampoline when I found I could not get out walking like I used to do, recently, when I found I was walking better, I bought myself a snare drum, and found some dancers to go and drum for.
Sometimes a new toy is all it takes...

Don't be afraid to ask for help - I've suffered without depression on and off all my adult life, I know when I'm heading towards a bad period, and I go and see my GP for help, whether it's talking therapy or a little chemical assistance. It's not weakness, your brain just isn't producing the correct chemicals in the correct amounts. Please don't suffer in silence and don't listen to anyone who tells you to "pull yourself together"

No2D said:

Your thoughtful consideration, words of wisdom and your encouragement to people in this forum connects us all into a family, sometimes much closer than relationships we might otherwise take for granted. You matter to us.

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Well said, @No2D !

I am so sad to hear that you are feeling so low.
You said something very pertinent though, and you do, I think know you need to make a few better choices... for you. You do need ''me time". You mentioned it and I think you know that its only you that can fix that "me" time.

Dont give up, but... learn to say "no".

It was one of the first things mentioned in my cancer therapy. That advice has been brilliant.

I would suggest you speak to GP about how low you feel. If you get desperate 111 and option 2. We are also here for you. However, getting good counselling or gp talk can be fantastic. I would suggest a counsellor as the help I have had after my cancer treatment has been absolutely fantastic.

Also, consider getting a hobby or something that is a daily or weekly routine. Ie I helped set up a table tennis club.. and its every Friday and everybody knows not to think of doing anything with me on Fridays. Its my TT time to stimulate my brain, my health and social activity. We formed a group, not a club.. we are all over 50 and we also always sit down for a chat and cuppa. On birthdays, celebrations etc (any excuse really) we also bring in cakes and food etc.
From my cancer therapy I have also joined an arts and crafts relaxation group. Nothing serious. Some (like me) make cards or decorated boxes and others do master piece paintings. We also have a dirty art session.. we do childrens hand paints and feet paints on paper!! Get hugely dirty and huge laughs and relaxation. I wish diabetes depts arranged stuff like tjis too.

You are not alone with these feelings. However, it seems to me that yoou know you need to make some changes to get me time... start to make small changes and make something in your life a routine that you enjoy and you do it no matter what.,

Thinking of youxx

I note that you were quite unwell a few days ago, Leslie. Has this dented your confidence? Do see your doctor and talk it through with him/her. You do make a difference, and your posts give valuable advice. Stay strong. Thinking of you.

@leslie10152 I feel your pain brother. dealing with long term conditions and the needs of others can be wearying. so make time for your self, and take care.

hope you feel better soon

John

@leslie10152 Just seen this post of yours and I haven't interacted with you before on here so you don't know me but seeing the responses from others I'd say you really DO matter to the people on here and that you really ARE amongst friends and from what I can see you are a great person with lots to offer and with some external help can hopefully learn to enjoy life again,I really do wish you all the best and hope you are OK.

I know depression. It is an old adversary that comes to me from time to time. I have had some since my diagnosis, which was not so long ago. I would not presume to know how you can fight this, you have been battling diabetes much longer than I have. I can say a couple of things though. My short time on here has been very encouraging to me, to find there is hope and encouragement here. Indeed you have been one of those to give me that encouragement. A gift beyond price. One of the most useful tools I have to fight my own demons, is to help others and thereby to give myself purpose again. I know we spend every day planning to get to some goal, to achieve a target and it becomes wearisome. Every victory is hard won and should be savoured. It is so with depression. I wish you well and hope you are able to find that spark to bring you back to the daylight.

My dear Leslie10152 I understand were you are coming from I am not on my own with same man for 35 years two adult kids and still feel I am on my own, but you must get up every day, it's a new day, so you can start again, please keep going, you may have a story to tell to help someone on here thinking of you

leslie10152 said:

I have done this for years, yet I feel that I am growing weary of the effort.

I try to motivate myself, yet I find I am driving so many around me - yet there is little left for me. I give all to others and I leave little for myself. After 22 years on my own, there is little motivation to continue. The forum has been a tremendous help, but after so much resistance and apathy from others.....I really feel that there is little to continue for.

There are so many people I know who tell me to live....yet what do I live for? For them? They will continue to live without me. They have families, I do not. Sometimes I feel that my job here is done. I have helped so many make it to their destination. Yet, I remain adrift.

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I was reading this forum long before I started posting and have found your posts very helpful. Your right about motivation, its been scientifically proven we all have a limited amount and you've been using all yours on others. Do something for you for a change. For me it was getting a dog (two actually) and walking them daily often for hours. Join a club, learn a new skill, go on holiday, invest some time in yourself for a change.

Mine too was getting a dog. Pure motivation for getting over 2nd mastectomy. Got her 3 days after and now 3 weeks after the op have been signed off by breast consultant as really good.
Best thing I could have done.
I am sure when I go back in 6 minths for round 3 of surgery to correct 1st surgeons mistakes that my Daisy will be the mitivation again to heal.

My mind has been shot to pieces at times but now my life has got such happiness again.

Me again, can't stop thinking about you, it easy to say get a dog or talk to your doctor but when you are in that dark place you just can't talk, I talk to no one, just myself, you haven't come back yet type on here the written word is easy no face to face, give it a go, please come back