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Spouse in denial

LucySW

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,959
Location
Denmark
Type of diabetes
LADA
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi. My spouse has just been diagnosed with Type 2. His A1c is 90; he is overweight, but it’s metabolic. His mother had T2 and I have feared for some years that T2 was on the way.

I have T1, which appeared ten years ago & which I have managed with reasonable success with a low carb diet. Sounds like a joke, doesn’t it: Mr and Mrs, both with diabetes.

The problem we are facing is this. It takes everybody some time to get their heads round the diagnosis, of course, but he is going to have a particularly hard time with diet. He likes his potatoes & has always regarded my low carb with horror. He has a not great attitude to vegetables.

I am holding myself back from giving him lots of good advice because he won’t accept it from me. He is a university researcher and believes in scientific authority. I’m waiting for him to get his advice from the clinic.

My question is, are there any good resources on eating *lower* carb without necessarily going the whole 30g carb/day Bernstein approach? (Which is what I did.)

Lucy
 
If he is a university researcher, I imagine he has already spent a long cold hard night going online reading up on T2D? At least one night! More likely a lot more! (And would have come across this Forum too? Pretty quickly.) If he hasn't I would be surprised, but you think there is a chance he is in shock and in denial? (And I would be surprised if he hadn't already done the deep dive online, because of both his wife and his mother being affected by high blood glucose...)

He is incredibly lucky that he has you @LucySW. If he doesn't 'use' you as a resource then it's serious indeed! But yeah - diagnosis can affect folks differently, and shock is pretty standard, as denial is a very tried and true human response. (He would have known how high his risk factor was though I would imagine? I know my poor adult children do! As do my siblings.)

I feel for him re the food loss response. I remember being horrified and feeling really sorry for an elderly friend 'having' to eat these really inferior substitute sweetened chocolates, when I tasted them, about ten years before I got a T2 diagnosis myself. I am deeply grateful for the fact that substitute sweetened chocolate has improved a lot in those the now 20 years! His fave carby food is potatoes? Ah - then french fries will be a big loss, if he goes the low-carb route.

Again, he is really lucky having you as a support and a resource.
 
People need to do it for themselves and frankly it’s down to him. From experience doctors will be more than happy to give drugs and send him away to progressively get worse. Give him some time for reflection, his health didn’t deteriorate overnight so let him think about it for a while and let it settle in. Took me months to even want to do anything about it but I’ve lost weight and now I’m in normal range with by BG levels
 
He needs his own bg monitor or cgm. Nothing like seeing what certain foods do his own body. It's in clear black and white.
But it will take time and he will have to learn it for himself, and if he's like my husband, don't expect him to acknowledge your experience, or not for a good long time.
 

I was in denial when I was told I was T2 two months ago and like your husband the thought of the diet killed me (I’m such a fussy eater).

What has worked for me is this

2x Iceland 1/2 pound Angus burgers (a little drop of curry)

Low carb sausage from Lidl

Bacon

Eggs

For sweet snack I have those little Harley’s jelly pots which only have 0.5g of carbs and 2x squares of lidls 85% coca dark chocolate.

In 2 months I’ve went from 18st 7lbs to 15st 4lbs (loss of 45lbs or 20.5kg).

What helped me most wasn’t getting advice from people I know personally but from the legend within this forum.

I hope your husband finds what works for him soon.
 
H @LucySW

Your husband sounds very like me when I was first diagnosed. In fact the only good news about a low carb diet was not needing to eat vegetables (other than potatoes which I love).

My experience is that it's a lot to take on- this is just my take on it. The thought of a diet which excluded all my favourite foods seemed unbearable. For me the only thing that motivated me was the possible consequences and the thought of having to inject myself (massive needle phobic).

So the things that helped me were identifying food I liked which was low carb- eggs, bacon, cheese, meat (I didn't like but could accept), fish, cream etc. I also still use artificial sweeteners to assuage my sweet tooth- jelly is a quick and easy thing to make for a sweet fix.

The other thing that helped me was regular testing so I could see my sacrifices were not in vain.

This forum also helped and my husband was an enormous support.

So that's diet. It's also complicated because there was for me real grief about the future. I am still a carboholic - I pretty much love all carbs and I found it very challenging being around people eating carbs. I went keto as the few carbs I have the less the cravings are.

There was also a feeling of shame and self blame- that doesn't help even if you can rationalise that it wasn't all your own fault. That's certainly one area that the forum helped with.

My very best wishes for him- I hope that something in this thread will help both of you.
 
Thank you, Vashti. That grief that you describe about the future is so tough. It’s such a horrible situation to be in. I was saved by sheer terror when I was diagnosed.

I’m just trying to be supportive and kind, while offering the forum and one of my Libres, and he has to work it out for himself, I think. Plus the David Unwin infographics. And then I’m holding the rest back.

It’s a journey we all have to take.

Thank you - Lucy
 
Lucy I think your husband’s job as a top level researcher will be the useful tool in the box. The more he delves the more obvious it will be what carbs do to folk with diabetes. He may also discover how diabetes affects other conditions when they come along even a simple infection will be worsened by high blood sugar. I agree with @MrsA2 monitoring will show what potatoes or other carbs do. Once he gets over the shock and anger he can start improving things. Another great tool is your support and experience.
 
A libre will provide cold hard data, which is likely right up his alley... And hey, how does he feel about bacon? Not a veg, and low to no carb, depending on the type. In the end, a diagnosis is traumatic and does come with grief, and one of the stages of grief is denial... He'll get past that one as reality sinks in and he might just realise he has a faunt of information living under the same roof.

It'll come. The monitor's numbers 'll fascinate him, I'm sure.
HUGS!
Jo
 
@LucySW - just wanted to say kudos for quoting Bernstein in your opening post - that's a seriously high level of insight right there - your husband is lucky to have your knowledge, whether he acknowledges it or not.
 
I was diagnosed a few years ago with T2. I managed it with diet for a couple of years, then with metformin. I then read the book by Professor Roy Taylor about the Newcastle diet and the science behind it. Did the diet for 8 weeks, lost 15kg and reversed my diabetes. Perhaps your spouse would appreciate the science, else perhaps you/family could somehow challenge him into doing the diet. The big advantage, I found, was that because it's over a relatively short period, it's a very focussed effort, and one gets motivated by seeing the kg fall off (2kg per week in my case). Perhaps your spouse has lost sight of the consequences of untreated diabetes - the one that particularly impressed me was that the NHS performs thousands of major limb amputations per year due to diabetes.
 
Hi which sausages are they please?
 
Highly recommend book Rethinking Diabetes by Gary Taubes. It has all the science and technical aspects you could ask for and had a strong evidence based case for the reversing of T2.
 
I have the opposite problem in some respects my husband seems to ignore the fact I am T2 and blithely continues to plate up ‘white’ stuff, rice, potatoes etc.

I mention it and it goes straight through, no acknowledgment at all. He’s pre T2 himself but has made no changes at all.

There must be some research out there about the benefits of low card diets. I haven’t gone as low a la 30g per day but about 80-120 and it can be hard. Maybe some cold hard stats about the potential health issues might be enough to make him think. Retinopathy, poor blood circulation, gangrene and amputation etc. Good luck
 
I get the reluctance, especially early on from diagnosis however it is remarkable how well I feel from eating the right things, which in its self is a huge incentive .also, any form of daily exercise is a must and massively contributes to this ..20min walk? I occasionally eat potato/fries however more often sweet potato can be good for me ...well done with your steps here and providing support, it’s a journey.
 
 
Try Dr David Unwin (@lowcarbGP) on Twitter. He has infographics and lots of success stories from his GP practice in the UK
 
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