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Stress is real

H

HpprKM

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Self absorbed and rude people! Motorists who are oblivious to the rest of the world, and really don't give a ****!
Reading today's web newsletter was particularly pertinent to me, as I am currently on 2 weeks stress leave. I am a College Lecturer, high on the list of stressful jobs, this year has been an absolute nightmare, I have been moved from one campus to another with two days notice, from a lovely office with my own desk to another which is on a campus which is currently being updated, when I got there it was the first teaching day, I had a computer that did not work and no drawers in which to keep my things, it was total chaos for me, really not the best way to be teaching! As we have tons and tons of administrative and paperwork to complete and keep track of. We have three brand new subjects to teach with really no one knowing how to deliver them and resources almost impossible to find, plus OFSTED coming in this term, hence Management pushing us to the absolute limits. Result, frustration, depression, poor morale throughout the College, particularly in our school. I am also completing final part of Higher Teaching Certificate with University Level Assignments to complete, looking after baby grandson 2 days a week, and now husband has been diagnosed with Parkinsonism, yet to establish cause and has to have MRI, his condition, although only 59 has deteriorated rapidly and he does still do things at home, but nowhere near as much. I was advised by a couple of people to take stress leave, as life is just becoming too much to keep up with, as a result my work is suffering and I am have been feeling pretty dreadful, like a hamster chasing around on a wheel trying to keep up, but there is so much work foisted upon us at work it is impossible, this is what everyone is saying! We all have other things to deal with in our private life, however, my boss found out that I had been advised to take this time off and she was really nasty to me over it, saying that everyone has problems at home (bearing in mind it was not my suggestion to take stress leave) virtually saying that I should be coping with my work, even though she knows that my husband had neurologist appointment this week (she found out about the situation and virtually tore me to shreds, leaving me thoroughly demoralised and depressed last week). On top of all this we have some really difficult students, and it seems that only they matter, they can virtually talk to us how they want.

I am now on certificated leave, and have been seen a work related counselor, however, my boss has only written to me once in a week, with a very curt message thanking me keeping her informed. The thought of going back and coping with all this really makes me feel ill. I have worked so hard, mostly all weekends and days off to try to keep up, and I reminded my boss that the previous day I had not even had time for any food or drink from leaving home late morning until 5.00 p.m. reminding her that I am diabetic, she never even answered me.

I am 60, but not due pension as retirement age being raised for women, do not really have any private pension in place, although I am married, I can ill afford to give up work, but I know to continue will affect my health, and ultimately my husbands too, as he is going to need more assistance and help. As it stands, with my job the way it is, we have no quality time together, I am exhausted in the evenings, he also sleeps a lot now even though retired, probably due to his illness, and I have to use all my spare time off (weekends, and at present my sick leave) trying to catch up and keep up with my work, they want me to send in lesson plans, resources and any other relevant materials - and I am trying to work on my assignments - so not really stress leave at all.

Do not know how much longer I can do this for, in a perfect world it was ok, but since this year and all the changes, new lessons and additional pressure, plus newly diagnosed sick husband it seems too much and I know that my diabetes is getting put on back burner, this resulted in my feeling exhausted, nauseous, dizzy at times and even depressed not knowing where to turn or what to do. My feet were burning every night, probably being on them all day, and started to ache all over. I do not feel that any benefits would be due to me, as I really am not diabetically disabled, and husband is not incapacitated, so I guess I have to soldier on.

I am usually so upbeat, and I hate being like this, such a spiral cannot seem to climb up out of it.

Counselor was very nice, GP too, but a two week break is not really the answer the thought of going back (fills me with dread) with everyone knowing that I was 'not coping', boss being unsympathetic beyond saying she has told her superior of the situation (sounds more like a threat than anything to me), and the students knowing I have not been coping, there is nothing worse for a teacher than students knowing that you are vulnerable they soon sense an 'easy target'! I keep trying to search for a way out of this, but even if could afford to leave I have to work two months notice :cry:
 
Hi HpprKM,

(((((hugs))))).

I think you should read your post and think what advice you would give to someone in this situation?
It is obvious that your time off will be taken up with your job, albeit that you are at home and it is an impossible situation. You have a certificate stating that you are suffering from stress so why would you want to do work related things when you should be resting and getting yourself together?

You cannot go on like this, take it from one who knows. I was stressed for six months with a personal bereavement and work related stress and the result was that I had a heart attack. Who will look after your family if you become ill? You probably have depression too and this in itself is debilitating enough without the added worry of a work situation where you are not appreciated.

You can renew your certificate, it does not mean that you are only going to get two weeks off so please do not try and be a perfectionist and juggle all your stresses, something will give.

You can claim your pension now so if I was you I would keep sending in certificates and when the two months is up I would write to them and say that due to your illness you will not be returning.

Seems like HR should be involved as your line manager seems to be the" b**ch from hell" and she is causing you even more stress. Are you in a Union as they can help at times like these.

You owe it to yourself and your husband to put yourselves first and although it will be tough with less money you will reap the benefits because without the stress of work you will adjust.

What is more important, your health or your wealth?

Hope this makes sense,

Take care,

Catherine.
 
sugarless sue said:
If you are 60 now then you are State pension age. Please check here:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Pensionsand ... DG_4017919
Click to expand...


Thanks for suggestion Sugarless Sue, however, I was born in Oct 1950, this is the start for graduated rise in women's pensionable age and I cannot claim until May next year, then it is less than a quarter of my income for 2.5 days of work!

Cannot believe I am 60, seems I was only 20, 30, 40 or even 50 just last year :D Think this has added to my stress and depression - hard to accept one is now going the 'older generation' as opposed to mere 'middle age'.
 
Catherine,

Your kind words of understanding have not gone astray, I am so sorry for your experience with bereavement, having lost both parents in the last few years I can fully empathise with that.

Sadly cannot retire yet, for reasons stated above, though I know what you say is absolutely true, I do have commitments and knowing this just adds to pressure, as I feel like I am serving a gaol sentence that I cannot get out of! Yes, my boss is a ***** from hell, she sheiks and screams like a banshee, I know she is also stressed, could not help but know since she offloaded all her anxieties on me, when she was supposed to be supporting me, however, it is part of her job role to support staff not degrade them when they are clearly not coping well and, when I (hate to do this) played the diabetic card, by saying I had no time to eat or drink and I am diabetic, she simply ignored the comment! I have looked up H&S and she is really out of order, however, to make a complaint would probably make my life even worse, as Management are bound to back her and they could make my life much more difficult indeed!

I feel so unjustly treated in my job, everyone at work is under extreme pressure right now, and I know most people have personal problems to deal with, but I just seem to have more than fair share right now, if this is interfering with my work, which to date has been almost impeccable, I really do not understand why this stance is being taken by them. There are some sympathetic people in higher positions, though sadly not high enough positions, to bring them into the argument would only harm them.

However, you make me feel better as you obviously understand, and sometimes, just sometimes I question myself, being brought up to stand proud and cope, but then I know everyone has a breaking point and I have been on the verge of saying 's*d it', and just letting go....but common sense prevails and I know I have a duty to myself not to, would that not be an awful way to end one's working career?
 
Are you in the Occupational Pension Scheme ? Can you take early retirement because of your Stress ?

A friend who was a Teacher and in much the same situation as yourself took early retirement after a long period of sick leave caused by stress.......

Do NOT go back to work, stay signed off for the maximum time....forget about Work and concentrate on your own Health....as a previous poster said it is way more important ! Do NOT resign.....you will be shooting yourself in the foot !

I was forced to retire on Medical grounds 14 yrs ago because of PTS and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was 2 years from normal retirement for my job, the financial penalty was minimal. I was then able to concentrate on my Health issues without the added stress of worrying about work and stuff. Your Head, line Manager whatever as Catherine says seems like a total erse ! Tell her you are not going to be back to work until you are 100% better and sever all contact with the place until you are better able to cope.

Do your favourite things and try to relax and forget about the obvious pressure you are under.

Look after yourself and please stop worrying about work and what they think, you are just compounding the stress. I hope things get better for you.
 
What I drudge I sound, I am (or used to be) an optimistic person, able to cope in difficult times, even thriving on a degree of pressure! Sorry for my depressing posts, but I know this is a place to get much TLC from so many lovely fellow members :wink:
 
Cugila,

Just seen your post, it makes lots of sense and I going to contemplate your words for a bit! I am in Works Pension, though sadly only been there for just under 3 years and have no other pensions in place. Also, sadly from a retrospective point of view, I am not in Union - have looked up rules and you have to be with them for three months before they can act on your part, however, I may get on to them for some advice!

I will come back on your comment when had time to consider your suggestions!
 
Forgot to mention that you really need to get in touch with your Occupational Health people asap and let them know the situation. You appear from what you have said to have been the subject of bullying in the workplace which will help your case when they look into things more closely. Do not write them off in the first instance.

What I drudge I sound, I am (or used to be) an optimistic person, able to cope in difficult times, even thriving on a degree of pressure! Sorry for my depressing posts, but I know this is a place to get much TLC from so many lovely fellow members
Click to expand...

Get it into your head that you are not a 'drudge'........you have just been put under too much stress and you need to step back from it. It is making you ill. I was always an optimist, never let anything get me down, and in a high pressure occupation. Day in, day out I was stressed to the limit having to deal with death and serious injury as part of my job.........it nearly did for me too ! It got to the point I couldn't take any more and had to stop doing what I was because it was destroying me, my self esteem, my life. Only by stepping away from the problem was I able to get back to my usual self. It took a long time, but I got there and now am able to cope better with all of lifes stresses, knock backs and anything else life cares to throw at me.......it can and will get better, you just need to care about yourself now, forget everything else. :)
 
Hi again,

I am a strong person too but the work related stress got me down so much that I ended up in a Unit for PTSD. The therapy there was really good and they had provided support for those who had been held hostage in other countrie, people in the military, policemen, doctors, people being bullied and people involved in life threatening accidents. What I learned there was that no matter how strong you are, there is a breaking point and when things get really bad you have to take a step back and preserve yourself.

I am also a great believer in the power of one. If you feel strongly enough you can change what is going on to your advantage.
This bully and those above her need to be taken to task as the enviroment they are creating is causing problems for staff in your position. Go to Occ.Health and state your case, you can change things for other people in the long run. Bad working practises are being allowed to run riot. You are not being a "grass".

I became so angry about what was going on in my place that, with the help of my Union, I sued my employers, (they were employing the people that were causing the problems and staff were stressed and leaving). I had been assaulted badly resulting in injuries and my safety had been compromised by other staff's reluctance to intervene. It wasn't the money I was after but the fact that they could treat people badly and get away with it. I was successful and the result was a massive shake up with some of these bullies being demoted or leaving and better working practises being followed and even more initiated. I vowed that nobody was going to suffer as I had and it worked. People came forward who had not had the courage to speak out before and things improved drastically. A bully cannot be a bully unless he/she is allowed to be.
I still work there and there are no repercussions because I have changed things for the better and staff know that they can challenge unfair practises. There may be some managers who give me a wide berth but they do not concern me. I also am asked to give advice to other staff who feel they are being victimised. All in all a good result.
Take as much time off as you need and then reflect about the way forward for you. Now is not the time to make decisions as you are stressed too much.
Hope all goes well and do not think of this blip as a failure, you cannot take anymore at this moment in time.

Catherine.
 
Thanks for so much useful and supportive advice, definitely taking it all on board, mulling it over for a few days, I will get back to you with updates.

Do not know where I would go without this fantastic website :!:
 
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