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Struggling

Insulin_Hippo

Member
Messages
9
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Hey guys,
So I've been diabetic for just under 7 years now (I was diagnosed just after I turned 13) but recently I'm just so tired with it all. I'm so mentally exhausted I don't know what to do. There's a bit going on for me in the rest of my life, I've moved, my dad is terminally ill and requires a lot of care on top of that my mum isn't coping with it very well and relays on me for support a lot, I was very ill for a while myself and I'm still trying to get back on my feet and I've just been promoted at work. None of these are excuses tho, I should still be able to take care of myself.

The last few years I've been struggling to handle the day to day management. I've gotten very bad at testing blood sugars and tend to only inject twice a day. I've tried speaking to my diabetes team about the struggles but I was only told that everything I was experiencing was my fault. They're not very supportive and trying to get their help with anything is like getting blood from a stone.

I know getting down with everything is normal and happens to everyone and hopefully these things will pass but I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on how to try and get things back on track? I don't have any one who understands what really being diabetic is like.

Sorry for such a long post I'd appreciate any help thanks Gemma


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Hi Gemma,

All I know is. When my dad was ill & it was all going on.. I focused on my own health first. Which balanced me out to give the right support needed for my family...
I appreciate it's tough with it all. But it's like wading through treacle when one personally feels like the proverbial.

Wishing you the best.
 
which type are you? Sounds like a lot going on and you are young ( compared to me haha). One thing I know for sure is keeping my bs stable keeps my strength stable and I can do far more for others. Focus in you first and the rest will fall into line. Old saying goes that you can't help others until you help yourself. Steady bs really makes life easier. As tiring as it may be its true. Get yourself together and you will,have the power you need to help others. Helping can be over whelming but also extremely satisfying.

I hope you're feeling bettter
 
I'm sure no one thinks you are trying to make excuses. The fact is, sometimes life gets in the way, and clearly, you are having a particularly stressful life at the moment. No matter how much you know in your head you should be testing and injecting and putting your own health first, the stresses of life are stopping you actually put it into practice. If that's because of time & logistics than do take all effort to try and make it a bit easier for yourself to manage your diabetes -alarms on your phone, reminders on your fridge etc. If it's something more than that, if you know in your head as you are doing it that you should be testing & injecting and even though you want to do the things you know you should be doing to look after your health something is stopping you actually implementing it, then maybe you would benefit from seeing a health psychologist? They might be able to suggest tools for overcoming that block.

It's a shame your diabetic team weren't very helpful. If I were you I would think about asking for help again, maybe email them with something along the lines of your post above. If you think a psychologist might be helpful, you are probably better off asking for a referral from both you diabetic team (explicitly ask for a referral to a health psychologist) & your GP and see which one comes through first.
 
Hey @Insulin_Hippo sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment so big hug. Dealing with your dad as well as managing yourself is a lot to manage, you do have to put yourself first though and take care of your diabetes, @Jaylee is spot on in that if your looking after yourself that everything else will be easier to manage. Can you sign up to testing 5 times a day and injecting when you need to ? Once you get better management you will feel better, running high won't help you mentally cope with everything else around you. Obviously an unsympathetic diabetic team is not going to get you where you need to be, I found that I had to push hard on them to get what I wanted when I was down even then it was a struggle so taking ownership myself helped in the end, also try writing a diary ? If your feeling down go for a walk, it is beautiful today, if you have a park of somewhere green and quiet take some time out and relax.

We are also here if you need to talk
 
Hi @Insulin_Hippo - what you're describing is burnout, and it's something that most people suffer at some point. It is caused by what is described as "Diabetes Distress".

There is a discussion on burnout here and some useful links: http://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/diabetes-burnout.74048/ It's a topic that comes up very regularly in the online community, and is sadly, quite normal.

Some details on Diabetes Distress can be found here: http://diatribe.org/diabetes-distress-why-its-common-and-what-we-can-do-about-it I'm really surprised at you diabetes team because it is a widely acknowledged issue and there have been global studies that highlight these issues: http://www.dawnstudy.com/dawn2/about-dawn2.html

What many have found is that in order to cope with burnout, you need to take small steps and give yourself achievable targets, and by writing what you have on this forum, you've overcome the biggest hurdle, which is admitting to yourself that you need to do something.

The easiest small steps to take are to take insulin when you eat - you know you should because it's a meal, and to check your bg levels prior to eating too. Associate these activities with eating as a reminder. And most importantly, don't worry about what the numbers say. It's a check and not a test. It's just something that will help you to make a decision as to what to do next.

In relation to managing your D, it's simply a case of living in the moment and understanding that while each moment has down the line consequences (e.g. not giving insulin will result in a higher blood glucose level, which may make you feel less comfortable), the past is done. Ignore it and look forward.
 

Firstly, Insulin_Hippo, I have to say, I'm not T1, but have experienced the "package deal" of work, family and generally life throws into the mix, and I appreciate how rubbish it all feels.

In the day-to-day running of our lives there will always be "stuff" going on that cause us upset, but usually if it's work, we can "escape" from it at home. If it's home-based, we can take a break from it at work and so on. When it's all cracking off at once, it feels there's no safe place where we can function "normally"

I'd go with the others suggesting that focusing on your on well-being will make you feel more able to cope with the other stuff you can't control. Somehow, you need to be able to make a space (mentally and physically) to recreate some sort of routine that can become "just what you do" once more.

One thing I would say though is, don't be afraid to step away from work for a little while, if that's what it would take to make a difference. There are no things more important in life than your own well-being and family. Work will still be there when you feel better.

On the up-side, if you have just been promoted, you must have been functioning very well to have achieved that. Few promotions happen based on "time served" these days, so please take pride in that achievement.

There's no doubt you are in a tough time, but look for the positives, and try to spend some time with your Mum and Dad. These days, weeks and months are precious. I can honestly say my relationship with my own Mother transformed in her final months. We had had a few bumps in the road along the way, but those melted into the past in that late time. We created some happy memories, and I never, ever imagined that could happen.

Be strong. It's a very grown up time, and I was considerably older than you at the time, but over time, things will improve. Trust me on that one.

Oh, and I just luuuuurve your user name .
 
Thank you all so much for the replies, I really appreciate them.

@Jaylee I know things get easier when everything is stable, everything feels like less of a burden I know what I need to do but when the proverbial hits the fan it seems my diabetes is what suffers.

@Kristin251 I'm type 1
I just don't know how to keep myself going when things do get tiring which is probably why I'm in this mess.

@catapillar I did see a psychologist for a while once I moved but she didn't seem to know how these long term illnesses can really have an effect. She never let me talk about what was bothering me but had her own ideas instead. I have thought about going back again lately, I think if I found someone I actually got along with it could really help. I've pushed and pushed my diabetes team but moving mountains is easier than getting help from them. One time back when I was ill and I felt like I was going into dka I phoned them for help and advice and it took them 3 days to get back to me (I tried ringing a few times a day each day) by which point I was already in the hospital (which they hadn't noticed)


@Juicyj I know I need to take care of myself but I always end feeling bad about it. Like there is more important things to be doing and I struggle to get over that sometimes. I find setting smaller targets helps a lot sometimes but quite often something will come along derail the idea and it takes me time to pick the pieces again. How hard did you have to push to get from your team? I know a lot of people experience problems with their team but I don't know what is normal


@tim2000s I've heard of burnout before and assumed that was a part of but didn't know much about it so thank you for the reading material
some times trying to get things back where I want them seems like such a mammoth task. I'll try and focus on the now and not get stressed on the small things like a few bad readings. These things happen.

@AndBreathe I like idea of a routine but I'm struggling to find one that works. I work odd hours at times and they can change at a moments notice and I'll never know more than a week in advanced what the next week brings. I was thinking of taking a week or so off of work to try and give myself time to work things out so maybe I'll finally do that. The promotion has happened quite quickly but I'm definitely proud of my self being a manager so young is an achievement so thank you for reminding me. I've had a rough road with my parents too, things aren't so bad with my dad these days but I'm still trying to work on things with my mum. I don't think she realises how tiring having one bad bs can be and the effect it can have. She wants me running around 24/7. Haha thank you! I'll try to keep your username in mind the next time I'm stressed



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Insulin_Hippo said:
None of these are excuses tho, I should still be able to take care of myself.
Click to expand...

What you are dealing with is remarkable and it is no wonder that your diabetes has taken a back seat.

Can't add any-more to what's already been said accept to take care @Insulin_Hippo
 
Hi @Insulin_Hippo

Most of the comments above cover all bases.

However, I do understands exactly what you are going through. My dad was terminally ill also for a few years, I ended up visiting him at the hospital everyday - after work, which was a struggle. I missed out meals and I missed out injections too.
My dad sadly lost his battle, and died almost 6 years ago.
My whole life changed, and I couldn't function properly to even bother looking after myself. It felt like life itself was too much like hard work, and it was easier to just pretend I was ok and didn't have diabetes and not worry about it. Than try and control it.

However, and I say this not to scare u. But hopefully to help you get a different perspective on things, and maybe give u the push u need to try and get on top of it.
I am now suffering with diabetic complications (I decided a couple of years ago it was time to get my head out of the gutter and get on top of this).
But the damage is already done. I regret now letting everything around me take focus off what I should have been focusing on (my diabetes).
I think if u keep telling yourself u have a positive mental attitude and u can get through this and keep on top of everything. It gives u a push to do it ( that helped me, and still does)
Stay focused on keeping yourself healthy, keep your bloods as controlled as possible because that will contribute to making u feel better overall.

I hope things start to get easier for you and your family.
As mentioned above, you need to think of yourself and your own health to be able to function for your mum and dad.
And if your mum is running u ragged - maybe sit down and try explaining to her that u are having a hard time coping with the diabetes at the min and could really do with her support.
Take that week off work, it will do U the world of good.

Take care
Tanya X


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Hi there, just to say hang on in there, you can get it back on track. There is great advice above. Only thing to add is that I get your dad would want you to test and stay healthy. So maybe try for him as well as yourself? Huge hug.
 

This user name was created, just after I was diagnosed, and needed to get my head around things. I just kept saying it to myself. I still sometimes have to repeat the mantra.

Only you can decide how you move forward with all of this, but that week, or so, off work could be an investment in your future. Sometimes, we just have to make a little space for ourselves. It may not be your greatest stressor, but it sure as heck is something you can take control of.

Your poor old Mum will really struggling too. I'm sure she's probably with your Dad even more than you are. That must be exhausting, in ever conceivable way too.

With my Mother, when she became unwell, the relationship between us changed for a few reasons. Firstly, it had to. Sadly, we knew she didn't have years and years left, so neither of us wanted that time to be blighted by tension, so in reality, we both made more effort, to just get along better.

I don't know if your Dad is at home, or is having hospital care at the moment, but it could be worthwhile just taking your Mum for a coffee somewhere and asking her how she is. That then also gives you an opening to tell her how tricky you're also finding things.

Going back to routine; I used to have a routine of calling my Mother at a set time every day, or as it worked out, we had a couple of time slot I would call every day. I'm not suggesting you get your Mum on speed dial for hourly catch ups, but if you agree to call her at x time when you're working y shift or z time when working your other shift (or whatever works for you), it means if she wants something done, of brought around, or whatever, she knows when she can ask you, and for you, it means you want get a call asking if you can bring milk home tonight, or whatever. Those incoming calls usually happen at the worst possible moments, which can all "help" to build the tension up! At the time of my Mother's troubles, I was in a very, very busy job, doing lots of travel and working away from home, so I do appreciate some, if obviously not all of the challenges you are juggling.

Give yourself a break. You won't regret it. If it transpires a week is not long enough, I'm sure with the picture you pained in your originating post, your GP would support time off.

Keep posting, there is a lot of support available on this site, and many an ear to listen when we just need a bit of a rant, or to be grumpy.
 
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