Stuck

[sunspots]

I'm not expecting solutions as I've tried, or considered, everything in the past year with no success. Really I just want some sympathy for what feels like a no win situation.

I live with my daughter who has been in the process of moving to China for almost a year now (thanks a lot pandemic!) She has anorexia nervosa. During this time I have worked very hard at eating a normal diet to encourage her to do the same, with great success. But, understandably, my HbA1c has risen, to 76 now, and my daily levels - even when avoiding all sugars - are poor.

My DN started me on dulaglutide 4 weeks ago. It has seemed to be helping, with loads of nausea and vomiting, but I dropped my carbs too so it could be that. However, my daughter and I eat together and even if carbs and counting are never mentioned she sees me minimise their intake. She is now relapsing.

Added to all this, my retinal screening showed background retinopathy. It's nothing major, I know, but it is a shot across the bow.

I don't know what to do, still keep %$€& vomiting (and therefore can't keep all my various meds down for my other illnesses or my anti diabetic ones) and I'm feeling really stuck and rather hopeless at present.

 

[AndBreathe]

I'm not expecting solutions as I've tried, or considered, everything in the past year with no success. Really I just want some sympathy for what feels like a no win situation.

I live with my daughter who has been in the process of moving to China for almost a year now (thanks a lot pandemic!) She has anorexia nervosa. During this time I have worked very hard at eating a normal diet to encourage her to do the same, with great success. But, understandably, my HbA1c has risen, to 76 now, and my daily levels - even when avoiding all sugars - are poor.

My DN started me on dulaglutide 4 weeks ago. It has seemed to be helping, with loads of nausea and vomiting, but I dropped my carbs too so it could be that. However, my daughter and I eat together and even if carbs and counting are never mentioned she sees me minimise their intake. She is now relapsing.

Added to all this, my retinal screening showed background retinopathy. It's nothing major, I know, but it is a shot across the bow.

I don't know what to do, still keep %$€& vomiting (and therefore can't keep all my various meds down for my other illnesses or my anti diabetic ones) and I'm feeling really stuck and rather hopeless at present.

Sunspots, you really must feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As someone who lived with anorexia in my late 20s, it's a horrid condition that really does grip hard. Does your daughter (and/or you) understand what the root cause of her eating challenges are?

Whilst I admire your subjugating your needs to those of your daughter, I'd pose the query of what would happen if the "log jam" preventing your daughter relocating to China cleared tomorrow? Would she be fine, or would she be moving thousands of miles away with relapsing anorexia?

Thing is, you can do all you can to try to help your daughter,but it is she who has to make the changes and sustain them. You can't do that for her.

What would happen if you were eating low carb? If your daughter in minimising her carb intake anyway, would she at least be "exposed" to credible levels of protein and nutrients, without having to avoid the heavy carbs she may be repelled by?

From your description, it sounds like neither of you are doing too well, so please don't forget you can't drink from an empty vessel. If you are committed to helping your daughter (and I admire you for that), then you needs to be well yourself.

I think that's probably quite garbled, but I honestly wish you both well. A condition like anorexia is not a "solo sport". The impact ripples travel quite a way and for quite some time.

I am pleased to say my anorexia is a long time in my past. Hopefully your daughter will soon be able to look back on now from a happier and stronger place.

 

[sunspots]

Sunspots, you really must feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As someone who lived with anorexia in my late 20s, it's a horrid condition that really does grip hard. Does your daughter (and/or you) understand what the root cause of her eating challenges are?

Whilst I admire your subjugating your needs to those of your daughter, I'd pose the query of what would happen if the "log jam" preventing your daughter relocating to China cleared tomorrow? Would she be fine, or would she be moving thousands of miles away with relapsing anorexia?

Thing is, you can do all you can to try to help your daughter,but it is she who has to make the changes and sustain them. You can't do that for her.

What would happen if you were eating low carb? If your daughter in minimising her carb intake anyway, would she at least be "exposed" to credible levels of protein and nutrients, without having to avoid the heavy carbs she may be repelled by?

From your description, it sounds like neither of you are doing too well, so please don't forget you can't drink from an empty vessel. If you are committed to helping your daughter (and I admire you for that), then you needs to be well yourself.

I think that's probably quite garbled, but I honestly wish you both well. A condition like anorexia is not a "solo sport". The impact ripples travel quite a way and for quite some time.

I am pleased to say my anorexia is a long time in my past. Hopefully your daughter will soon be able to look back on now from a happier and stronger place.

Thank you @AndBreathe for the kind and supportive post. We do indeed know the root of my daughter's anorexia and she has been having therapy for several years now to address the underlying issues. She has worked really hard at it and is in a much better place now so I'm hopeful about China, but I don't want her to slip just before and end up there feeling bad about eating. China is so very, very fat phobic!

I am rather lacking in my own support. I moved house 15 months ago and haven't been able to make local friends yet because of the pandemic and isolating, and I have no living family other than my 2 children. I guess that is why I wrote my post. I just needed someone to say "there, there"!

I'm delighted to hear your anorexia is a thing of the past; no mean feat to achieve that! And thank you again for your understanding.

 

[AndBreathe]

Thank you @AndBreathe for the kind and supportive post. We do indeed know the root of my daughter's anorexia and she has been having therapy for several years now to address the underlying issues. She has worked really hard at it and is in a much better place now so I'm hopeful about China, but I don't want her to slip just before and end up there feeling bad about eating. China is so very, very fat phobic!

I am rather lacking in my own support. I moved house 15 months ago and haven't been able to make local friends yet because of the pandemic and isolating, and I have no living family other than my 2 children. I guess that is why I wrote my post. I just needed someone to say "there, there"!

I'm delighted to hear your anorexia is a thing of the past; no mean feat to achieve that! And thank you again for your understanding.

Sunspots, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling unsupported and perhaps a bit alone in your new house. I don't know what you like to do, but I live in a village which has a couple of very active Facebook pages. One sort of focuses on what's happening, and moaning about developers trying to buy up farm land and traffic through the village, and the other much more a knowledge and support function.

The village has a walking group that meets weekly, and the library was relatively recently adopted as a community library - run by village people. There are endless volunteering opportunities it seems.

Before the pandemic, I didn't know half of what went on! I wonder if your locale has anything similar.

As for your daughter, it's sometimes useful to remember all lives can go through rougher patches, for a million reasons, and during our times of stress we all have a coping mechanism, and usually we don't like it too much! For some they over eat, or hit the vino. Some get angry and others go quiet. It sounds like for your daughter she cuts back on her food. Suffice to say nt all crisis end badly. Most pass, and life returns to nearer normality.

When I was in my intensive treatment period, I had lots of "deep and meaningful" conversations with the psychiatrist. I was very, very (lots of verys) worried about the future and my ability to become well and remain well. His words of wisdom were that over time (sort of each decade of our lives) what we are (statistically) likely to become addicted to (and anorexia is a sort of addiction to not eating enough).

Thankfully, I haven't "pursued" another addiction to date. Decades on, I'm still waiting fr the sex, drugs and rock and roll.

With time, I got better and the likelihood is your daughter will too. I, for one, am 110% rooting for her - and for you.

 

[sunspots]

Sunspots, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling unsupported and perhaps a bit alone in your new house. I don't know what you like to do, but I live in a village which has a couple of very active Facebook pages. One sort of focuses on what's happening, and moaning about developers trying to buy up farm land and traffic through the village, and the other much more a knowledge and support function.

The village has a walking group that meets weekly, and the library was relatively recently adopted as a community library - run by village people. There are endless volunteering opportunities it seems.

Before the pandemic, I didn't know half of what went on! I wonder if your locale has anything similar.

As for your daughter, it's sometimes useful to remember all lives can go through rougher patches, for a million reasons, and during our times of stress we all have a coping mechanism, and usually we don't like it too much! For some they over eat, or hit the vino. Some get angry and others go quiet. It sounds like for your daughter she cuts back on her food. Suffice to say nt all crisis end badly. Most pass, and life returns to nearer normality.

When I was in my intensive treatment period, I had lots of "deep and meaningful" conversations with the psychiatrist. I was very, very (lots of verys) worried about the future and my ability to become well and remain well. His words of wisdom were that over time (sort of each decade of our lives) what we are (statistically) likely to become addicted to (and anorexia is a sort of addiction to not eating enough).

Thankfully, I haven't "pursued" another addiction to date. Decades on, I'm still waiting fr the sex, drugs and rock and roll.

With time, I got better and the likelihood is your daughter will too. I, for one, am 110% rooting for her - and for you.

Thank you again. I know what you say makes sense. And I've joined loads of things! I'm particularly struggling at the moment, I think, as I have bipolar disorder too and missed days of medication due to the vomiting from the dulaglutide!

I'll get through this, I'm sure. I'm just a bit down. It'll pass.

Thank you again for your support.

 

[lucylocket61]

I think, as I have bipolar disorder too and missed days of medication due to the vomiting from the dulaglutide!

I would mention this to your medical people asap as your bipolar meds are vital. They must have a different option for you.

 

[sunspots]

I would mention this to your medical people asap as your bipolar meds are vital. They must have a different option for you.

I'm back on them now I'm off dulaglutide. Thank you for the plan though. I'm not sure I'd have bothered otherwise as I wasn't really registering it was a problem! I was too focused on constantly feeling sick at that time. Thankfully I'm able to eat and drink again now.

 

[AndBreathe]

Thank you again. I know what you say makes sense. And I've joined loads of things! I'm particularly struggling at the moment, I think, as I have bipolar disorder too and missed days of medication due to the vomiting from the dulaglutide!

I'll get through this, I'm sure. I'm just a bit down. It'll pass.

Thank you again for your support.

Take it steady Sunspots. Life conspires against us sometimes, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Tough times pass.