New to forums so bear with me. I am a 19 year old female who’s been T1D since I was 4.
T1D has been all I’ve ever known. I’ve noticed as I get older the lack of support, rude comments and being blamed for my condition has only increased.
For the past year I’ve been diabulimic, felt as though it was a way for me to ‘punish’ my diabetes and at least get something good from it: weight loss.
For the past few months I’ve been looking for others experiencing the same thing/ feelings and have seemingly found nothing but medical journals and the usual ‘just lower carb intake.’
I have never met anyone IRL with diabetes and have little familial / friend support.
Just looking for anyone who feels the same way or has any useful info?
Not useful, sorry, but it seems like you're being blamed the way T2's usually are, for "bringing it upon themselves". Though when people insist on being ignorant, I doubt telling them you're a T1 isn't going to help any, they probably wouldn't know the difference. (Nor that T2's aren't exactly to blame for their diabetes either.)
Look... Diaboulemia has a name, because it exists. There are people out there who have it, enough of them for it to have become an actual diagnosis. That alone tells you, you're far, far from alone. And while the T2's are in the majority here, I sincerely hope T1's 'll pop up soon who have been where you are and can be of use to you, both in support as just providing strength in numbers.
Diabetes isn't something you can punish, it doesn't care what you do to yourself... And you already know you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. That doesn't change anything about how you
feel though. And weight loss isn't always a good thing, which you also know. Still feels like you have some control over this, somehow, if you control your weight, right? The facts don't matter, it's how you feel that fuels all this, and feelings defy logic at just about every turn.
I have an entirely different mental issue, from which it seems all my other issues stem (ADHD caused severe anxiety and almost lethal depression), and I have been trying since this summer to get help, now I finally know I've been misdiagnosed for three decades... But here in the Netherlands all ADHD shrinks seem to focus on children with the condition, there's very few places that handle adults, and the waiting list is absolutely insane. I imagine it's about as hard to find someone who specialises in what you're going through, as it's not exactly a general topic either... But I am hoping you have a diabetes team or doctor you can get in touch with who can refer you to a diabetes psychiatrist or psychologist. Antidepressants may help, and god knows I'd be on them if they didn't clash with other medical issues I have. They can make life a lot more bareable. But having someone to talk to, someone who doesn't throw carb-nonsense and blame your way, and actually listens before preemptively shutting you down with a weird, based-on-nothing opinion... I think it'd be good. If you haven't yet, do seek professional help,
on top of searching for others in a similar situation... You're more than worth the effort, you truly are.
Hugs,
Jo, who is quite useless in all of this otherwise
PS: She wasn't diabetic at the time she wrote her first books, and has been staving off T2 diabetes for a while now, but she has dealt with a bunch of things, (like eating disorders and depression) that might be recognisable for you: Jenny Lawson. I took great comfort from her books, and you might too.
https://thebloggess.com/lets-pretend-this-never-happened-a-mostly-true-memoir/