Terminal and. Scared - UPDATE !

[Sable_Jan]

04:25am. Awake just over an hour after just 2 hours sleep,

Wife Snoring !

Puppy Snoring even more Loudly !!!

Crying my eye's out, and absolutely No idea why ?

I guess it's Hormone's right ?

Been like this for nearly 40 minutes

Birds are starting to sing,

And Kevin feel's SO sad.

Is this it ?

Will I Never Feel Happy Again ?

Is the end around the corner, will I die sad ?

Hope running out,

Strength and stamina almost completely gone,

I have never felt lonelier than I do now.

It feels so Dark inside

I pray for rest and peace.

But so often I feel it will never happen for me

I will Die in such pain.

My only real fear, Dying in pain

I wish we could have gone to Dignitas.

Over a year ago we planned, today would finally brought Peace

But we couldn't afford that option, that Dignity !

I Love You All

xxx xxx xxx.

So much love to you Kevin.... The tears that overwhelmed you was probably knowing you would have been at peace and pain free now if money had been no object.....I would have missed chatting to you but happy for your release from pain....
I hope now the sun is up your mood is brighter and your pain less....the early hours are the worst even when it is only sleep denied
Big hugs xx

 

[Sable_Jan]

Kev. In this day and age no-one should be dying in pain. Can't you ask for more painkillers? Antidepressants? My friend who was also terminal went to a hospice, not to die, but so that they could sort out her pain meds properly. After all they are the experts in pain relief. They understand that what works for one person does not always work for another.

I'm saying this out of compassion and I hope everyone understands this. Proper pain relief would bring you the rest and peace that you deserve.

Anyway, I won't be able to post for a while, as I'm off doing other things.

take care

zand
.

You make a very good point x and caring

 

[Pipp]

Kev. In this day and age no-one should be dying in pain. Can't you ask for more painkillers? Antidepressants? My friend who was also terminal went to a hospice, not to die, but so that they could sort out her pain meds properly. After all they are the experts in pain relief. They understand that what works for one person does not always work for another.

I'm saying this out of compassion and I hope everyone understands this. Proper pain relief would bring you the rest and peace that you deserve.

Anyway, I won't be able to post for a while, as I'm off doing other things.

take care

zand
.

Excellent suggestion by zand.
Hospice care and pain relief is not just about drugs and medication either. They offer all sorts of pampering only usually found at an expensive spa. I have seen many people live carefree, painfree, lives right up until their last breath as a result of having respite care and attention to sort their pain at a hospice. There is no reason why anyone with a terminal illness should have unbearable physical or mental pain.
Hospices are not, as some people believe, a place to go as a last resort to die. They help people live life to the full, to the end. They also support and help families and carers of terminally ill people, who are often forgotten about elsewhere. Carers often neglect their own needs, so maybe Wendie would benefit?I would be to the hospice like a shot if my pain levels became so intolerable.
Please give it some thought, Kevin, for yourself and for your Wendie.

 

[kman]

Excellent suggestion by zand.
Hospice care and pain relief is not just about drugs and medication either. They offer all sorts of pampering only usually found at an expensive spa. I have seen many people live carefree, painfree, lives right up until their last breath as a result of having respite care and attention to sort their pain at a hospice. There is no reason why anyone with a terminal illness should have unbearable physical or mental pain.
Hospices are not, as some people believe, a place to go as a last resort to die. They help people live life to the full, to the end. They also support and help families and carers of terminally ill people, who are often forgotten about elsewhere. Carers often neglect their own needs, so maybe Wendie would benefit?I would be to the hospice like a shot if my pain levels became so intolerable.
Please give it some thought, Kevin, for yourself and for your Wendie.

Yes I agree fully, sorry I forgot to address this in replying to Zand,

Hospices are WONDERFUL places, I won't say Joyful, but that's really what I mean,

Our Local Hospice is LOROS and is not at all far away from where we live, I know how good this Hospice is. .... my Father died there around 8 years ago,

Thier Counciling services, even for non patients is phenomenal, and I have had contact with them, they were able to help and I know I can get further help when I feel I want too,

Talking of Hospices folks PLEASE find your local one, and in any small way that you can Support Them, be it as a Voluteer, Donating money with Large Amounts ir with just a Pound or Two, it all helps, They often also hold events you can go along to,

Folk's if you could see all they do you'd be amazed,

We are looking into finding me a place there when the time comes, we have discussed it with my GP and it is part of my End of Life Care Plan !

Pipp, I thank you, not for me, but for caring about Wendie, and for broaching the subject so sensitively, as you can see we have it in hand, But anyone suggssti g something that might help my Darling Wendie will be welcomed with open arms by me as I realise just how much she is having to cope with, and seeing that breaks my heart, I have posted many times much earlier in the 2 threads about how I hate what sheis suffering,

Thank's Again Pipp.

Love and Hugs.

 

[Pipp]

So, is it time for you to get in touch with LOROS.?
Hospices can help with financial worries too, and you have mentioned that you struggle financially. That, coupled with your sleepless painfilled nights must only add to your distress, and that of Wendie. There has to be some other way of coping that LOROS may be able to help you find. For the sake of you and Wendie.

 

[kman]

So, is it time for you to get in touch with LOROS.?
Hospices can help with financial worries too, and you have mentioned that you struggle financially. That, coupled with your sleepless painfilled nights must only add to your distress, and that of Wendie. There has to be some other way of coping that LOROS may be able to help you find. For the sake of you and Wendie.

Yes Pipp. .... Your right. .... for Wendie's sake. ....

Watch this space folks,

Pipp sometimes I forget her, Thank You ....

 

[Patricia21]

Thinking about you all Kevin x

 

[kman]

Thinking about you all Kevin x

Thank's Patricia Sweetie

xxx.

 

[Sable_Jan]

Yes Pipp. .... Your right. .... for Wendie's sake. ....

Watch this space folks,

Pipp sometimes I forget her, Thank You ....

I'm sure you don't x

 

[kman]

I'm sure you don't x

I Do Jan.

However briefly, I forget it's not just me going through this, especially when the night pains come and I'm ready to eat my own legs off. ...

But it's never more than a moment. .. I guess ?

I hate myself for my selfishness, Pipp is Right !

 

[JANROU]

I agree with others that maybe it's time to get in touch with you local hospice again, not just for you but I know from experience they have fantastic help for those nearest and dearest. The help they can give with pain relief can be invaluable even if it's not for now but later on, they have people that can talk to you all as individuals and as a family to work out what's the best solution to whatever the problem is. I pray as always that your pain tonight is bearable, that pork butts snoring is quiet and that Wendie is also able to sleep.

 

[Gezzabelle]

Kevin please don't ever think of yourself as selfish. Wendie knows your pain and she shares it with love....the love you have shared and that you vowed to each other in sickness and in health. I pray that you find some relief from your pain...that your dignity is maintained and that you find the strength to go on being you.....a wonderful man that never deserved such suffering. Sending gentle hugs and much love to both of you xxxxxxx

 

[Mrsass]

Kevin I think @Pipp and @zand speak sense!

We all want for you to be as comfortable as possible and that will be the place that can happen and give your amazing Wendie a bit of help (dare I say a break, as much as I imagine she will say she does not want one)

As you said hospices are AMAZING places with truly amazing people and I really think (and hope) you & Wendie will benefit from it xxx

 

[kman]

Folks, slight misunderstanding, it isnot long since I was in touch with LOROS. infact i think I might have posted about it briefly,

They also told me I was welcome to seek thier support at any time,

Also folks I do nothing without Wendie's knowledge, and 99 out 100 times she is at my side,

We talk all the time, and if she thinkswe need it, believe me I wouldn't argue, LOL she'd kill me if I did,


But you are right, I've talked to Wendie and we will call them tomorrow,

More because my Depression is worsening, and making things more difficult for all of us

PLEASE Don't abandon us thinking I am uncaring and not thinking of Wendie,

I might have odd moments, but Wendie is and Always will be my LIFE

I would Burn in Hell before I let her come to harm in anyway, those that have read all my posts will know that Surely ?

I'm sorry if you think less of me because of this mornings post, I was just in a Terrible Place, my mood has lightened, even though I have had little relief all day,

I Love You All,

Stay with me as the End approaches.

Be there with me. ... turns out i need you, you've become family,

I am even inviting you to my funeral when that day finally arrives,

Arrangements have been made to let you know when I Pass,

We are a Team here in this household, You are all Part of that Team !

Love Always.

Kevin Wendie Dayne Delta and Pork Butt.

xxx xxx xxx.

 

[JANROU]

No way we would abandoned you, you mean to much as do your family x

 

[Sable_Jan]

I Do Jan.

However briefly, I forget it's not just me going through this, especially when the night pains come and I'm ready to eat my own legs off. ...

But it's never more than a moment. .. I guess ?

I hate myself for my selfishness, Pipp is Right !

I'm sure Wendie will forgive a moment.... X

 

[Sable_Jan]

Folks, slight misunderstanding, it isnot long since I was in touch with LOROS. infact i think I might have posted about it briefly,

They also told me I was welcome to seek thier support at any time,

Also folks I do nothing without Wendie's knowledge, and 99 out 100 times she is at my side,

We talk all the time, and if she thinkswe need it, believe me I wouldn't argue, LOL she'd kill me if I did,


But you are right, I've talked to Wendie and we will call them tomorrow,

More because my Depression is worsening, and making things more difficult for all of us

PLEASE Don't abandon us thinking I am uncaring and not thinking of Wendie,

I might have odd moments, but Wendie is and Always will be my LIFE

I would Burn in Hell before I let her come to harm in anyway, those that have read all my posts will know that Surely ?

I'm sorry if you think less of me because of this mornings post, I was just in a Terrible Place, my mood has lightened, even though I have had little relief all day,

I Love You All,

Stay with me as the End approaches.

Be there with me. ... turns out i need you, you've become family,

I am even inviting you to my funeral when that day finally arrives,

Arrangements have been made to let you know when I Pass,

We are a Team here in this household, You are all Part of that Team !

Love Always.

Kevin Wendie Dayne Delta and Pork Butt.

xxx xxx xxx.

ABANDON YOU? NEVER........

 

[kman]

I'm sure Wendie will forgive a moment.... X

I Truly Hope So. xxx.

 

[Pipp]

Yes Pipp. .... Your right. .... for Wendie's sake. ....

Watch this space folks,

Pipp sometimes I forget her, Thank You ....

I cannot take credit for mentioning the hospice. That was zand. I just agreed with her.
I am glad you are already known at LOROS, as it should be easy enough to self refer. As you have experience of being a psychiatric nurse, kevin, I am sure you know that pain is worse when you are scared and depressed, so hopefully you will make that call and get the help you need.

I do have experience of caring for several terminally ill loved ones. Each of them had the care of the local hospice, and each of them had quality to their lives after the care of the hospice staff. It was a relief for me, too, because I could do no more , until the hospice gave back hope and dignity. Right to the very end their pain was controlled. Yet, each of them had resisted seeking that help because they thought they were protecting their loved ones from sorrow. You cannot hide pain and distress from someone close to you no matter how hard you try. If they love you, they know, and it breaks their heart that they cannot help you. It does not have to be that way. You owe it to Wendie and yourself to seek that help from the hospice, because as much as posters on your thread may have the goodwill to offer comfort, they are not able to be as effective as the hospice.
Make the call. Don't let Wendie have the sorrow of feeling helpless. Then live life to the full with quality rather than quantity to your days.

 

[kman]

I cannot take credit for mentioning the hospice. That was zand. I just agreed with her.
I am glad you are already known at LOROS, as it should be easy enough to self refer. As you have experience of being a psychiatric nurse, kevin, I am sure you know that pain is worse when you are scared and depressed, so hopefully you will make that call and get the help you need.

I do have experience of caring for several terminally ill loved ones. Each of them had the care of the local hospice, and each of them had quality to their lives after the care of the hospice staff. It was a relief for me, too, because I could do no more , until the hospice gave back hope and dignity. Right to the very end their pain was controlled. Yet, each of them had resisted seeking that help because they thought they were protecting their loved ones from sorrow. You cannot hide pain and distress from someone close to you no matter how hard you try. If they love you, they know, and it breaks their heart that they cannot help you. It does not have to be that way. You owe it to Wendie and yourself to seek that help from the hospice, because as much as posters on your thread may have the goodwill to offer comfort, they are not able to be as effective as the hospice.
Make the call. Don't let Wendie have the sorrow of feeling helpless. Then live life to the full with quality rather than quantity to your days.

It sounds like you DO think I'm uncaring towards Wendie Pipp, and that I haven't thought of her, if that is the case, you couldn't be more wrong, she is ALL I think about,

Yes I know I need help, and I know i have relied heavily on friends here, but I started out on these threads to Warn others, not seeking counselling from the People here,

I will without fail contact LOROS, I will protect Wendie and my family with my life, No matter what !

Pipp your advice is invaluable, and I hope others also take in what you have said,

Please Don't Think I have not or will not heed what you've said, and I love you for your sage advice and greaterwisdom than I could ever have,

Take Care, Stay with us, come post regularly, and be one of the many many friends I have made here

Love Always.