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THE BLONDE MORTICIAN

Pura Vida

Well-Known Member
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754
Location
CANADA YYC
Type of diabetes
Type 2
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Tablets (oral)
THE BLONDE MORTICIAN

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing..

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing.. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'




 
A grieving widow arrives at a Funeral Parlour to discuss her late husband's funeral. "Before you prepare the body", she tells the Funeral Director, "I should warn you that Mr Schultz had a very large penis; I wouldn't want any of your male staff to feel inadequate, or your female staff to be shocked, but it really is very big".

The Funeral Director decides to prepare the body himself, to avoid any difficulties with his employees, and in the course of washing the body he discovers that Mr Schultz was, indeed, very well endowed. Thinking that his wife might be intrigued, he takes a photo of the member in question, with a rule placed alongside it, for scale purposes. When he gets home, he takes out his phone, and shows the picture to his wife.

"My God"! she shrieks. "Schultz is dead"!

:D
 
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