AndyS
Well-Known Member
I will apologise in advance as this is probably going to be a more rambling post but it draws on some comments and conversations I have had with my dear wife of late.
Maybe I should add a little narrative context since it may explain why my dearest seems to be the way she is.
Before I was diagnosed she was working a long term contract in South Africa, I would head over regularly to visit since that's where I am from and I still have family there. After a good few months apart during which I was ridiculously classic symptoms, which I ignored because I have over issues and I am just plain stubborn, I went back to visit for a couple of weeks. I am told, subsequently, that when I walked out into the arrivals hall her heart dropped and she was stunned at how sick I looked (did I mention the stubborn bit?) Anyhow the holiday started with us heading to a local watering hole where much food (chips) and drink (yaeger bombs... full fat) was had. Oddly enough I was violently ill on the walk back to the house which even I thought was odd at the time since I hadn't actually drunk that much.
Anyways fast forward a couple of weeks and I was back in the UK and dutifully reported the Drs as I had been forced to promise and as an aside "diabetes test" asked for. The main reason I actually went was constant numbness in my left hand (uhm... wait... isn't that neuro... something or other) but I made a promise and I am a man of my word. My signature has the value that popped up (on the second test) and ketones were at max. One of the later parting comments from my now wife was "face it honey you have diabetes" which I will admit (grudgingly) she was 100% correct. Of course I then had to leave the news on her voicemail that was something along the lines of "hey honey, I just got out from seeing the Dr and they are pretty sure it is T1 diabetes, anyways I am being sent to the hospital right now, hope your trip to cape town goes ok, don't worry about me as there is nothing you can do. Love you, bye"
Uhm... yeah!. Hands up who thinks I may have caused some guilt issues there
Anyway Moving forward she did amazing research and sent me off to some great places on the net to learn more (BDEC, this place and a couple other spots) and we moved on with life.
Well I think I did, I get comments sometimes that I think she really does beat herself up that she doesn't feel she supports me enough, which is silly talk since I doubt she could do more. When cooking she weighs EVERYTHING and records the carbs for all ingredients. I then get a nice slip of paper and I run the numbers. She doesn't trust her maths and so I do the rest. Yes I do get it wrong sometimes, and then she blames herself, but then we move on. I think I am probably a very lucky person since I think I am very well supported, no she doesn't give me shots but then why should she. If I was ill enough I couldn't doo my own shots I most definitely should be in hospital.
SO what does all this rambling rubbish add up to? I think what it comes down to is really just me trying to get down that while our partners can never truly understand what it is like to live with this. The mental checklists before you go out that you have everything, the moment of panic when you try to work out if you have enough supplies to get you through a long public holiday. The waking up in the middle of the night sweating buckets and confused and dealing with a hypo while trying not to wake anyone else (and failing often) and then of course there are the little things. Smeers of blood on the light switches where you hadn't quite stopped from a blood tests. The used needles in trouser pockets or the lint filter after going through the wash. The panic while out and about to find something to treat a hypo (in a couple of foreign citys in my case) and a whole host of other things that we don't see because we are too busy just trying to live.
I guess what I am basically trying to say is, here is to all the partners that try. That do the little things that they can do because they just can't thing of other things. That put up with our crazy hypo moods and all the rest. I think that is one of the great hidden costs of diabetes, the poor suckers that have agreed to stand by us and do what they can while beating themselves up because they feel they should do more when they are already champions.
Give a thought to your nearest and dearest, they are probably trying in their own way (any maybe just being trying in the process) but they can never really know. What I know is that I love my dear wife greatly and wish I could express to her just how much I appreciate what she does to help me. I say it often though I doubt I get the message through. So if you can, turn to your diabetes partner tonight and just give them a hug and thank them for putting up with you. We are not an easy bunch to wrap your head around and because they love you they do their best.
That's it, ramble over. Return to your evenings, just spare a thought for the poor sucker that was fool enough to love you and try to help keep you in the land of the living, causing trouble
/A
Maybe I should add a little narrative context since it may explain why my dearest seems to be the way she is.
Before I was diagnosed she was working a long term contract in South Africa, I would head over regularly to visit since that's where I am from and I still have family there. After a good few months apart during which I was ridiculously classic symptoms, which I ignored because I have over issues and I am just plain stubborn, I went back to visit for a couple of weeks. I am told, subsequently, that when I walked out into the arrivals hall her heart dropped and she was stunned at how sick I looked (did I mention the stubborn bit?) Anyhow the holiday started with us heading to a local watering hole where much food (chips) and drink (yaeger bombs... full fat) was had. Oddly enough I was violently ill on the walk back to the house which even I thought was odd at the time since I hadn't actually drunk that much.
Anyways fast forward a couple of weeks and I was back in the UK and dutifully reported the Drs as I had been forced to promise and as an aside "diabetes test" asked for. The main reason I actually went was constant numbness in my left hand (uhm... wait... isn't that neuro... something or other) but I made a promise and I am a man of my word. My signature has the value that popped up (on the second test) and ketones were at max. One of the later parting comments from my now wife was "face it honey you have diabetes" which I will admit (grudgingly) she was 100% correct. Of course I then had to leave the news on her voicemail that was something along the lines of "hey honey, I just got out from seeing the Dr and they are pretty sure it is T1 diabetes, anyways I am being sent to the hospital right now, hope your trip to cape town goes ok, don't worry about me as there is nothing you can do. Love you, bye"
Uhm... yeah!. Hands up who thinks I may have caused some guilt issues there
Anyway Moving forward she did amazing research and sent me off to some great places on the net to learn more (BDEC, this place and a couple other spots) and we moved on with life.
Well I think I did, I get comments sometimes that I think she really does beat herself up that she doesn't feel she supports me enough, which is silly talk since I doubt she could do more. When cooking she weighs EVERYTHING and records the carbs for all ingredients. I then get a nice slip of paper and I run the numbers. She doesn't trust her maths and so I do the rest. Yes I do get it wrong sometimes, and then she blames herself, but then we move on. I think I am probably a very lucky person since I think I am very well supported, no she doesn't give me shots but then why should she. If I was ill enough I couldn't doo my own shots I most definitely should be in hospital.
SO what does all this rambling rubbish add up to? I think what it comes down to is really just me trying to get down that while our partners can never truly understand what it is like to live with this. The mental checklists before you go out that you have everything, the moment of panic when you try to work out if you have enough supplies to get you through a long public holiday. The waking up in the middle of the night sweating buckets and confused and dealing with a hypo while trying not to wake anyone else (and failing often) and then of course there are the little things. Smeers of blood on the light switches where you hadn't quite stopped from a blood tests. The used needles in trouser pockets or the lint filter after going through the wash. The panic while out and about to find something to treat a hypo (in a couple of foreign citys in my case) and a whole host of other things that we don't see because we are too busy just trying to live.
I guess what I am basically trying to say is, here is to all the partners that try. That do the little things that they can do because they just can't thing of other things. That put up with our crazy hypo moods and all the rest. I think that is one of the great hidden costs of diabetes, the poor suckers that have agreed to stand by us and do what they can while beating themselves up because they feel they should do more when they are already champions.
Give a thought to your nearest and dearest, they are probably trying in their own way (any maybe just being trying in the process) but they can never really know. What I know is that I love my dear wife greatly and wish I could express to her just how much I appreciate what she does to help me. I say it often though I doubt I get the message through. So if you can, turn to your diabetes partner tonight and just give them a hug and thank them for putting up with you. We are not an easy bunch to wrap your head around and because they love you they do their best.
That's it, ramble over. Return to your evenings, just spare a thought for the poor sucker that was fool enough to love you and try to help keep you in the land of the living, causing trouble
/A
xx
Glad we hitched up! 
