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<blockquote data-quote="SockFiddler" data-source="post: 1520715" data-attributes="member: 412001"><p>Much love to you, from one full-time, overworked carer to another, though I'm not caring for two parents but one child.</p><p></p><p>There's a truth among carers that we don't like to admit, because admitting that we also have needs brings us dangerously close to breaking our denial shield. You know the one, "Everything's fine: I'm coping, it's under control" except you've not had a hot meal in three days, it's been a week since you had a conversation that wasn't about your caring responsibilities and replacing sleep with coffee has become a way of life.</p><p></p><p>We're not lying to ourselves when we do this. We <em>need</em> that denial shield to be able to function; we <em>have </em>to believe that we've got it all under control, because any alternative brings with it the potential that we're not actually coping, and that's when stuff falls apart.</p><p></p><p>It's admirable, but it's ultimately self-destructive.</p><p></p><p>So here's the truth that we carers don't like to admit: If we can't function as people, we can't function as carers.</p><p></p><p>If I am so ill that I cannot walk for pain, I cannot attend to my son when he needs me in a different room. If I am so tired that I need coffee so strong and sweet you could stand a spoon in it to focus, then I cannot possibly be aware of my surroundings. If I am not eating properly or tending to my own health, I am fundamentally compromising my ability to care for someone who depends upon me to be functional, day in and day out.</p><p></p><p>"You need to take care of yourself, too" is something that people often say in lieu of being able to think of anything else. But, actually, it's true. It's impossible and it comes with no small amount of guilt ("But if I book this appointment, then X can't go to Y and that's the highlight of their day..." etc) but the alternative is to run our bodies into the ground and then break something very, very seriously.</p><p></p><p>The "How" of taking care of yourself is harder matter to take care of. But it starts with small steps. For example:</p><p></p><p>- Try to go to sleep just half an hour earlier</p><p>- Make a couple of hours a week when you can talk to people who aren't involved in your parents' care</p><p>- Take just five minutes when you wake up to clear your mind, ask yourself how you're feeling and to mentally prepare for your day. Decide if there's space for a little bit of "you" time - even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes to play some mindlessly dumb game on your phone.</p><p>- Contact your local authority for a Carers' Assessment. It's now a legal requirement that they carry one out when requested. And it's not about your parents' needs, but yours; carers save the economy a HUGE amount of money (£135 billion in 2014 - 15) and it's in everyone's best interests that you remain able to continue in your role.</p><p></p><p>Small steps. Care for yourself, too. And remember you're not alone - many of us here are carers who also face our own serious (and life-changing) complications. If it would help, I'd be happy to try to source some better support agencies in your area. Send me a PM if you want me to save you a job.</p><p></p><p>Much love and fortitude,</p><p></p><p>Sock xx</p><p></p><p></p><p><a href="https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/news/unpaid-carers-save-the-uk-132-billion-a-year-the-cost-of-a-second-nhs" target="_blank">https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/news/unpaid-carers-save-the-uk-132-billion-a-year-the-cost-of-a-second-nhs</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SockFiddler, post: 1520715, member: 412001"] Much love to you, from one full-time, overworked carer to another, though I'm not caring for two parents but one child. There's a truth among carers that we don't like to admit, because admitting that we also have needs brings us dangerously close to breaking our denial shield. You know the one, "Everything's fine: I'm coping, it's under control" except you've not had a hot meal in three days, it's been a week since you had a conversation that wasn't about your caring responsibilities and replacing sleep with coffee has become a way of life. We're not lying to ourselves when we do this. We [I]need[/I] that denial shield to be able to function; we [I]have [/I]to believe that we've got it all under control, because any alternative brings with it the potential that we're not actually coping, and that's when stuff falls apart. It's admirable, but it's ultimately self-destructive. So here's the truth that we carers don't like to admit: If we can't function as people, we can't function as carers. If I am so ill that I cannot walk for pain, I cannot attend to my son when he needs me in a different room. If I am so tired that I need coffee so strong and sweet you could stand a spoon in it to focus, then I cannot possibly be aware of my surroundings. If I am not eating properly or tending to my own health, I am fundamentally compromising my ability to care for someone who depends upon me to be functional, day in and day out. "You need to take care of yourself, too" is something that people often say in lieu of being able to think of anything else. But, actually, it's true. It's impossible and it comes with no small amount of guilt ("But if I book this appointment, then X can't go to Y and that's the highlight of their day..." etc) but the alternative is to run our bodies into the ground and then break something very, very seriously. The "How" of taking care of yourself is harder matter to take care of. But it starts with small steps. For example: - Try to go to sleep just half an hour earlier - Make a couple of hours a week when you can talk to people who aren't involved in your parents' care - Take just five minutes when you wake up to clear your mind, ask yourself how you're feeling and to mentally prepare for your day. Decide if there's space for a little bit of "you" time - even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes to play some mindlessly dumb game on your phone. - Contact your local authority for a Carers' Assessment. It's now a legal requirement that they carry one out when requested. And it's not about your parents' needs, but yours; carers save the economy a HUGE amount of money (£135 billion in 2014 - 15) and it's in everyone's best interests that you remain able to continue in your role. Small steps. Care for yourself, too. And remember you're not alone - many of us here are carers who also face our own serious (and life-changing) complications. If it would help, I'd be happy to try to source some better support agencies in your area. Send me a PM if you want me to save you a job. Much love and fortitude, Sock xx [URL]https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/news/unpaid-carers-save-the-uk-132-billion-a-year-the-cost-of-a-second-nhs[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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