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Tired :(

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by not-so-lucky, Jul 29, 2017.

  1. not-so-lucky

    not-so-lucky Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi There,

    Just wanted to get a few things off my chest as things have been building up for so long. Because I'm in an isolating position at the moment and I already had depression over the last few years which I've been unable to get on top of. This has had devastating kickback effects of my diabetes management. Did you ever read the Meme on Facebook, "Please don't make me Diabetes today" - Well, I'm at the point again....

    I'm in a situation where I am looking after two elderly parents and the last person who's going onto my priority list is me. My Mum as advanced stages Alzheimer's and my Dad is too old to cope on his own, so 6 years ago I made the decision to stop home and make sure everything was as right as could be.

    I was hit with the distressing news 2 years ago that I had proliferative retinopathy which has now kicked the **** out of my left eye (fortunately my right eye is still in relatively good tact). When that happened there was a knee jerk reaction from the GP's to put me onto insulin which is working 'okay'. But I will openly admit that I am missing occasional days and haveing a terrible time dealing with it. It sounds so simple to sort things out. I know the routines and understand my dosages etc but at the moment I'm in a double burnout..... Firstly because of the disease with my Mum and secondly the knock on effect back on me through catering for my parent's needs.

    Anyway, I've not drove now for over a year because of the retinopathy as I don't feel confident, even after 4/5 lazer sessions and injections directly into both eyes. I understand from medical research that it's best to bring your A1C down slowly - But then I goto the diabetes clinic and have the Specialist nurse breathing down my kneck about getting it straight down, despite the fact that this could cause a vessel blow out in my eyes if I do it too quickly. - One of the universities recommends 3% per year MAX on an A1C.... Which when you've been as high as 18mmol on the meter, is a long battle back downhill.

    I'm also acutely aware that I need to take control of my own situation, but getting a balance is hard as hell at the moment.

    Anyway, just wanted to get it off my chest.... Diabetes is such a personal thing that creeps up on you like a dark beast if you let it .... Then when you're already feeling down it can and will kick you in the ass. :/

    Just wondered if anyone else feels like not Diabeating today lol?
     
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  2. Guzzler

    Guzzler Type 2 · Master

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    Gosh, if ever anyone ever had reason to feel down it is you my freind. There seems to be a shedload on your plate right now. I am too newly diagnosed to give you advice on the retinopathy etc but it does sound like you need some room, some respite. Is there another family member who could tend to your parents, even for a weekend? If not, have a word with your gp about getting some help from Adult Services, granted it's a long shot as care for the elderly has been underfunded for so long that getting it now is hard.

    There comes a point when there is no longer any give in the elastic band so decisions have to be made concerning your parents so that your health doesn't continue on a downward spiral. See your gp, you can only ask. I hope you find yourself in a better place physically and mentally very soon. Best wishes, Pauline.
     
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  3. therower

    therower Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    @not-so-lucky . You are a star. You have prioritised love over diabetes. Diabetes is a basta*d and thrives on negativity and lives in every dark crevice of our souls. Diabetes has you where it wants you, pre occupied and depressed.
    I could say do this and do that but it's not that easy for you.
    If you regain a small amount of control over diabetes it will help.
    Don't let all the love and devotion you have for your parents get eaten up by diabetes, try if possible to be able to look back in the future and remember all the good you have done.
    Sorry can't help anymore, stay strong for yourself , it's what your parents would want.
     
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  4. Mike d

    Mike d Type 2 · Expert

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    Read some conflicting opinions about fast versus slow drop and neither of those you described is what I would personally agree with. Fast drop the least preferable IMO

    You have a lot of stuff to deal with so I wish you well, but you're a saint for putting yourself last
     
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  5. Bon83

    Bon83 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Wow I really feel for you, it sounds like you are doing all you can and you should be proud of yourself. There is no way you can fix everything in one go - that would send you over the edge of the world. I think someone else mentioned changing things one step at a time - I think that may help you a little. Set a tiny diabetes goal. I don't want to tell you what that should be have a little think, maybe. If you change one thing it feels a little bit better and so on. Remember it's ok to be overwhelmed and to ask for help from your health providers. Xx

    Sent from my SM-G900F using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app
     
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  6. kimlala

    kimlala · Well-Known Member

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    @not-so-lucky, it is always good to get stuff off your heart, and out of your head. You have had a heck of a time, and stepped up to plate to take care of your parents. What a huge responsiblity, and what a selfless act of love.

    I am all to fimilar with depression, and can't begin to imagined how overwhelmed you are. All the cliches seem irrelavant, and drive me crazy when I'm in my lows, so I will save them. I know this isn't much help, but you will be in my prayers.

    Sent from my LG-H634 using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app
     
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  7. Just_Me_Rachel

    Just_Me_Rachel Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi there,

    Although I have Type 1 Diabetes, I know the challenge that diabetes is to me. I love some of those sentences you wrote, ...that creeps up on you like a dark beast if you let it, and how you write, anyone else feels like not Diabeating today? Hellz, yes! Every single day of my life I wish I could hide from the fact that I have diabetes, that I have to take care of it.

    I struggled for years, and it's still a daily struggle for me. And yet, I've come along way, so that diabetes doesn't have to control my life in quite the same way as it used to.

    All of my life I was taught about the technicalities of diabetes and the complications I will run into if I don't take care of myself. I froze from it all, I couldn't deal with it. I have background retinopathy and carpal tunnel syndrome today, but on the whole I'm in a way better place than I've been. Many, I'd venture to say most, people don't understand the burnout we've experienced. They say, oh just care for yourself! without quite understanding how utterly difficult living with diabetes can be.

    What it feels like to be totally crushed by something that's meant to be perfectly livable.

    So, that's my empathy for you. Suggestions? Take it day by day, moment by moment. Please don't be hard on yourself, diabetes is a tough battle. They tell us to watch it every minute and so we have to create for ourselves that space and time to allow it to be. To feel, to struggle and eventually to overcome. You can try the book, Diabetes Burnout, William Polonsky, I cried when I picked up, because it was the first time I found an educator talking on the emotional side of diabetes.

    I'd suggest you not put focus on your Hba1c at this moment - just take it day by day, doing the next right thing. There's no need to go into that state of panic and desperation, fear and helplessness. The A1c is just a result, albeit an important one, but the most important thing is to just do the best we can do, one moment at a time. The results will come, when the time is right. And if you're taking it moment by moment, and doing the best you can, you can choose what advice to take from the nurse and let the rest flow off your back.

    Don't be hard on yourself, it's not necessary.

    I don't have experience with dealing with other people (you mention you have to take care of your parents) but I will say: you're the most important person in your own world, so make sure to give yourself time for yourself to, where you can. Try to do the things you enjoy.

    Diabetes is a hard condition to contend with. Hang in there.
     
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    #7 Just_Me_Rachel, Jul 29, 2017 at 10:07 PM
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  8. SockFiddler

    SockFiddler Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Much love to you, from one full-time, overworked carer to another, though I'm not caring for two parents but one child.

    There's a truth among carers that we don't like to admit, because admitting that we also have needs brings us dangerously close to breaking our denial shield. You know the one, "Everything's fine: I'm coping, it's under control" except you've not had a hot meal in three days, it's been a week since you had a conversation that wasn't about your caring responsibilities and replacing sleep with coffee has become a way of life.

    We're not lying to ourselves when we do this. We need that denial shield to be able to function; we have to believe that we've got it all under control, because any alternative brings with it the potential that we're not actually coping, and that's when stuff falls apart.

    It's admirable, but it's ultimately self-destructive.

    So here's the truth that we carers don't like to admit: If we can't function as people, we can't function as carers.

    If I am so ill that I cannot walk for pain, I cannot attend to my son when he needs me in a different room. If I am so tired that I need coffee so strong and sweet you could stand a spoon in it to focus, then I cannot possibly be aware of my surroundings. If I am not eating properly or tending to my own health, I am fundamentally compromising my ability to care for someone who depends upon me to be functional, day in and day out.

    "You need to take care of yourself, too" is something that people often say in lieu of being able to think of anything else. But, actually, it's true. It's impossible and it comes with no small amount of guilt ("But if I book this appointment, then X can't go to Y and that's the highlight of their day..." etc) but the alternative is to run our bodies into the ground and then break something very, very seriously.

    The "How" of taking care of yourself is harder matter to take care of. But it starts with small steps. For example:

    - Try to go to sleep just half an hour earlier
    - Make a couple of hours a week when you can talk to people who aren't involved in your parents' care
    - Take just five minutes when you wake up to clear your mind, ask yourself how you're feeling and to mentally prepare for your day. Decide if there's space for a little bit of "you" time - even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes to play some mindlessly dumb game on your phone.
    - Contact your local authority for a Carers' Assessment. It's now a legal requirement that they carry one out when requested. And it's not about your parents' needs, but yours; carers save the economy a HUGE amount of money (£135 billion in 2014 - 15) and it's in everyone's best interests that you remain able to continue in your role.

    Small steps. Care for yourself, too. And remember you're not alone - many of us here are carers who also face our own serious (and life-changing) complications. If it would help, I'd be happy to try to source some better support agencies in your area. Send me a PM if you want me to save you a job.

    Much love and fortitude,

    Sock xx


    https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-c...k-132-billion-a-year-the-cost-of-a-second-nhs
     
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  9. Freema

    Freema Type 2 · Expert

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    It is a nightmare to many having diabetes and hard to take care of all day long for every day the rest of our lives .

    I sent you a virtual hug dear depression is also so hard to cope with on top of it all

    But allow me to give you 1 suggestion :

    Do try to make a breakfast without any carbs. :
    Like ham and cheese , like bacon and eggs , like avocado and Taco sauce, like omelet with mushtooms and spinach . And fill some Bowls on your table with nuts and cherries tomatoes and cucumber so you always have something that is good for you to eat. Doing that makes it all much easier
     
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  10. SockFiddler

    SockFiddler Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    @Freema ... the more you talk about food, the more I want to hire you as my personal chef (you'd have to work for love!). Literally everything you say about eating sounds delicious and positive.

    Open a restaurant. In Bristol. I'll be your best customer!
     
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  11. therower

    therower Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    @SockFiddler . Wonderful post. You are in a position to offer " real " support and have done so brilliantly.

    P.S. Bristol already has a restaurant I believe. Gordano on the M5 if I'm not mistaken.
     
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