I think I need some help.
I’m not one for writing on forums, sharing out loud or asking for help but yet again I woke up this morning with a feeling of total dread towards yet another day with type 1 diabetes. I was diagnosed on 3rd November 1975, nearly 40 years ago, and to be honest I’ve had enough of it! It hasn’t caused me too many other health problems apart from a short period of neuropathy that caused me to have double vision in one eye, and that should have motivated me but the feeling only lasted for a brief time. I take tablets to control blood pressure and cholesterol but have never suffered ill health from either of the conditions they are supposedly controlling.
The problem is I am exhausted. I feel tired every second of every day. For nearly 40 years either consciously or sub-consciously I have been thinking about what I eat, what I drink, how I exercise, when I exercise, working, driving, walking the dog, partying, sitting on my backside watching TV, going to the pub, sitting on a train, flying, when to do a jab, when not to do a jab, where to do a jab (both on my body and in what location when out and about), how to do a jab (deep in the skin, only slightly in the skin), carb counting, blood tests, hypos, hypers, HbA1c results, etc. etc. etc. It just goes on and on and on and on.
I’ve never really followed any of the rules and I really can’t motivate myself to do regular blood test as you can imagine how sore my fingers would be by now. I guess I’ve been lucky so far, but because I really can’t be bothered any more my long-term bloods are creeping up (the latest was 10.7).
There are times when I used to think I’d beaten it and I had control but for the last few years I’ve realised that this bl**dy disease is always going to have control over me! I don’t have the energy to keep fighting it so it seems to me that my only option is to give into it, live me life without worrying about, and let it consume me.
That’s why I think I need some help.