Type 1 husband and excessive alcohol.

[Getting desperate]

Hi there. I'm not sure why I am posting this but I just wanted some insight from those in the know.

My husband of 10 years has had type 1 since he was 10 years old. He is now 44. He has always been very resentful of his condition although it has never stopped him doing anything in his life and he has achieved alot. He has also always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
He thinks nothing of drinking 2 bottles of wine and does this on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at home. Recently we have spoken about it and he admitted it wasn't good for him so he reduced it to one bottle a night on the three nights he drinks. But this weekend someone bought us a case of wine and he is ploughing his way through it at a great rate.
My problem is that he is prone to terrible hypos where he becomes verbally abusive and physically threatening. They usually come on a few days aftera drinking session. He flatly refuses to believe that there is any connection between alcohol and blood sugar levels. :roll:
I hate the drinking. When he starts I worry about when he will stop. I worry about what he will say or do while under the influence and I worry about when the next hypo is coming and if it will involve another visit by the paramedics (there have been lots)
I am so worried about him. We have 2 small children and our own business to run and I am so stressed. One day I will not be able to bring him back from a hypo. (he refuses to get hypostop or glucagon so I have to get them from my own doctor). He also has almost no hypo awareness.
It's like diabetes is a dirty secret in our house and now the alcohol is not helping.
I should say that we have been here before years ago and he did try to change but he only really controls his alcohol intake at all because I control how much there is in the house. Last night he was very angry when I suggested after 2.5 bottles that he should stop. He is currently asleep but he said some very stinging things last night and I am fed up with it all.
I am also due to go away for a week and am terrified that he will drink constantly while I am gone, with no one to help him out of a hypo.

Sorry for the rambling first post but I am at my wits end.

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi GD,

You must feel so helpless and so fed up with his behaviour. I cannot tell you what to do but would ask that you try and get him to read this topic, Diabetes does Kill.

viewtopic.php?f=19&t=12551
This might shock him and make him realize that he is not invincible.

The lady who posted this was in your position and did not know where to turn. The change has to come from your partner and not you.

My thoughts are with you and I hope things improve for you all.

Take care,

Catherine.

 

[Getting desperate]

Thank you for your kind words Catherine.

The post you linked to brought tears to my eyes. I know how angry he would be if I showed it to him but I may have to. What happened to Ellen is a fear I live with every day.

I know that things have to change but I feel so powerless to change both his attitude to drinking and his attitude to diabetes.

He tells noone about it. Even his closest friends are unaware. :roll: He carries no identification to alert anyone in case of an emergency. We have even had very scary moments when he has been driving while hypo with me and the children in the car. Truly terrifying.

Right now I am so angry with his irresponsibility but when I bring it up he just explains my feelings away by claiming I am paranoid, ill informed and a control freak.

I am really starting to resent the hypos . I feel bad even saying that but he is so aggressive while he is low and there is no thanks for helping him. I'm not actually looking for thanks but an acknowledgment of what I deal with would be nice.

I love this man very much and it is soul destroying to see him endangering himself in this way.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Gosh, so sorry to hear of how things are for you.

Regarding the hypo's-I have to say that ones that I count as severe, that have needed 3rd party assistance from somebody else are I feel worse for the person having to deal with the hypo. If I need third party assistance, I really do not know anything about what I have said or done until I get told about it afterwards. This may be the same for your husband.

To be quite honest, if I was in your situation I would be questioning on whether to call an ambulance person next time, as to be quite honest he would be better sorted out by somebody in hospital, and getting it noted on his records etc, and then he may get the help that he needs.....(depends on your hospital though!!)

You should not be having to go through this. Ignoring the drink issues, and whether they may be contributing to the problems or not, it may be the only way that your husband can get some treatment to help him.

To me, only as an outsider of course, but from somebody that can also get horribly aggressive with a severe hypo, I would tell your husband that you are not going to treat another hypo, and he will be taken to hospital, and let him ponder on it.

 

[HLW]

If he has no hypo awareness, and has had hypos while driving, I really hope he has informed the DVLA, has surrendered his license, and no longer drives.

You should not have to deal with his hypos, call an ambulance next time, don't put yourself at risk. Like donnellysdogs says, your husband might not be aware of how he is when he has a hypo, so it might seem to him that you are overreacting, if he is treated by paramedics it might help him realise what is happening.

 

[Getting desperate]

Thank you for your replies Donnelydogs and HLW.

I have called the paramedics on lots of occcasions. Whnever they bring him round he refuse to go to hospital. I do sometimes find myself hoping that the will have to someday but that will mean that he's in danger and I don't want that.

With regards to the driving, the last incident was 2 years ago and he now tests at my insistence before driving.

I spoke to him last night about the drinking and although he huffed and didn't actually say anything, he didn't drink last night.

I understand what you are saying about him not being aware of what he does when he's hypo and I do make him aware but I don't want to embarrass or shame him by over egging how scared I am when he is really bad.

Sorry. I know most people would just be firm and tell him to sort himself out but he has such a strange attitude to diabetes. I am barely even allowed to mention the word and it is NEVER talked about. He refused to tell our children about it so I had to and even they know that Dad's a "bit silly" about it and doesn't like it talked about. The are rarely alone with him and I have taught them wha to do in an emergency.

TBH I think he is screwed up about it (possibly due to his mother's negative reaction to his diagnosis when he was smal) and I don't know how to deal wth all that psychology.

He is not the sort to talk about feelings and I don't think that's a nut I'm going to crack.

Sorry for not being more decisve about this. I knew what I was getting myself into when we married but as he gets older, my fear of losing him is heightened.

Thanks again.

 

[SophiaW]

Your husband needs to know exactly how you are feeling and what he puts you through during his hypo episodes. I know you say you don't want to shame him by being honest about the hypo situation but he really does need to know everything, even if it does embarrass him. Understanding is the first step to accepting anything in life. If your husband understands why you are so concerned he may be more accepting of your feelings and reasons for wanting him to cut down on his drinking. If he can't understand why you're being like this he's probably never going to change his ways. If he's unaware of his actions during a hypo he's missing a huge chunk of vital information that he really does need to be aware of.

If your husband doesn't like to talk about his diabetes and you're finding that he changes the subject or goes into a rage (a tactic to avoid talking and end the conversation about his diabetes) then it may be useful to write him a long letter. Word it very carefully so that he can clearly see your reasons for writing are because you care about him and want to help the situation. You need to get accross to him how you feel and how his hypos make you feel. As hard as it may be it needs to be a very honest letter. Sometimes a converstaion is easy to get out of but reading a letter in his own time and space may get your message accross. Even if he gets upset or angry about what you have said in the letter, at least he's received the message, something that you may not be able to get accross verbally during a heated discussion.

 

[Debloubed]

Hi There. So sorry to read your story, it must be awful for you to have to deal with all this. I second what everyone has already said and just want to ask if your husband regularly attends his Dr or clinic appts at your local hospital? I know it can vary depending on where you live and I personally attend my clinic appt every 6 months. Perhaps you could attend with him? It know it's scary but diabetes can cause depression and anxiety and hypo's just make those worse! I know you know all this. I have to add that I would refuse to get in a car with a type 1 diabetic who hadn't checked their BG, especially if my children were to be in the car too. Please don't think I am judging you, but if your husband can't see how dangerous his actions are, I hope you can. Please keep us updated! All the best

 

[Snodger]

How scary and horrible for you and for your kids.

My problem is that he is prone to terrible hypos where he becomes verbally abusive and physically threatening. They usually come on a few days aftera drinking session. He flatly refuses to believe that there is any connection between alcohol and blood sugar levels. :roll:

This link might help: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/93141.php
It explains not only how alcohol causes hypos in diabetics, but also that it causes hypos in alcoholics (which I didn't know). So it could be that your husband is getting a double whammy if his liver is becoming damaged, because he won't be able to release the sugar stored in the liver to treat the hypo.
There is lots of info out there about hypos and alcohol of course, but getting him to read the article(s), mind you, might be another issue.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Or, as a last option have you got a phone that records? I really want my husband to record me on my phone when I am hypo, as I have only ever see one person on TV hypo, and I would love to know exactly what I am like....my husband is always there thinking of me first though. If I have a severe hypo, I cannot recall all the things I do until someone tells me or I just don't recall them full stop!

A recording of him played back later may well shame him in to looking after himself a bit better.

I so hope that you can get him to alter his stance on diabetes, I don't think it will be easy because he seems to have thought of it his way for a good few years...and change is very difficult in any of us....

Be strong, and best wishes..Sha x