Type 1, Self-Harmer, Insulin is a weapon

Andrew0306uk · Dec 12, 2019

KK123 said:
Then she needs to link in with someone who does. Has she given you any advice Andrew? x

Nothing.

I’m seeing my Diabetic Consultant next week so I will talk to her and see if she can arrange a professionals meeting between the two teams to try and coordinate my care/support/treatment

Diakat · Dec 12, 2019

It might be worth taking in some info or links for your mental health worker next time you see them as well.

ert · Dec 28, 2019

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I really hope you get the support you need. It's very stressful managing MDI. I'm struggling with coming to terms with this new obsession with food, that one has to have to manage as a type 1.

diabetic12yrs · Mar 1, 2020

Iv got bpd too and type 1 and after some sort of 2 month episode consistent with panic attacks and fear I know it's changed me for the better. Just picking myself up after a big knock down

diabetic12yrs · Mar 1, 2020

Andrew0306uk said:
I got diagnosed with T1 after an overdose in 2013 but wasn’t under a Diabetic Consultant/Dietician until being hospitalised by Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) in Feb 2019.

I’ve been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder since 2008 and one of my traits is a need to self-harm.

In July 2018 I somehow started a body dysmorphic episode and attached insulin usage to the cause of my being fat, which resulted in me stopping my Novomix 30 injections. My glucose levels sat at 30+ each day and the weight dropped off me (I was severely malnourished) and it resulted in my blood gasses being elevated causing the DKA.

I knew the risks of mismanaging my insulin but my self-harm needs drove the actions. I needed immediate/short-term damage but it didn’t happen, so I settled for long-term damage, and got the DKA.

Even since the DKA and my insulin regime changed from Novomix 30 to Tresiba + NovoRapid, my need to use the insulin dosages as a weapon haven’t gone. I have periods of increasing the background insulin by 300%+, or refusing the background insulin, and/or refusing the Rapid before meals, and/or increasing the dosages by silly amounts.

At the moment I am struggling to remove the need to self-harm with my insulin and I am looking for advice

I now have a Diabetic Consultant/Dietician but they just seem to panic when I mention the mental health issues dealing to my insulin, and my Mental Health worker has no clue as it’s relating to my diabetes. Both teams just say talk to the other team.

Has anyone else had issues with using insulin as a weapon against themselves?

I did go through a phase like that but it has passed. I'm taking my insulin regularly now and testing 8- 10 times and becoming proud of myself now for doing so well

Bufger · Mar 31, 2020

Hi Andrew. You are me 18 months ago.

I was using insulin in exactly the same way and then it turned into a fear of putting weight back on, i got really good at balancing on the edge of DKA to lose or maintain a low weight. I eventually got help via my doctors and refered to a specialist eating disorders clinic that also understand diabetes eating disorders. It took 10 months for the referall but help is out there! Ive learnt alot about my association with food, abuse etc and can reflect on why I do things so i can change behaviours.

I also got put on fluoxitine which has really helped me think straight.

Please continue to seek help. Most of the services are very disjointed from one another but the answer for you is out there so keep fighting for it.

Britneyxstanley · Apr 19, 2020

Hi guys I’m type one diabetic I’m 18 I have been diagnosed since July 2015 it was life changing I was depressed before diagnosis but never had the thought of hurting my self but ever since I was diagnosed it’s got worse iv never been controlled with my blood glucose and I do think a lot about self harm even have with my insulin iv overdosed on it and I even go days with out background or fast acting insulin until the point I have ketones and I’m really I’ll them I self correct if I can if not I put my self in DKA iv been into DKA 2 times this year and 7times since diagnosis I really want to be controlling with my diabetes and have my own little family with my wonderful fiancé who is very caring and tries his hardest to help me with it and asks if I’m doing my injections I tell him I do but I really don’t i just can’t bare to tell him I cry my eyes out every night knowing my life ain’t ready for all that at the moment I just cry out for help iv spoke to my diabetes consultant and they seem to just let it pass over there heads I need help please somebody tell me how I can get some help

Sjayh · May 23, 2020

Hi.
Yes!! I suffered from diabulimia from ages 14-20 years.
You are not alone.
Feel free to read it on my blog... araneljay.com drop a message if you need

Juicyj · May 23, 2020

Hi and welcome to the forum @Sjayh

It would be great if you could tell members about your experiences here in the forum, this is what we encourage members to do rather than to promote a blog via the forum threads so that you participate in discussions here.

Promoting your blog on the forum constitutes as advertising - if your not sure on how to use the site please read the forum rules in my signature and ask any questions, best wishes J

NicoleC1971 · May 23, 2020

Andrew0306uk said:
I got diagnosed with T1 after an overdose in 2013 but wasn’t under a Diabetic Consultant/Dietician until being hospitalised by Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) in Feb 2019.

I’ve been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder since 2008 and one of my traits is a need to self-harm.

In July 2018 I somehow started a body dysmorphic episode and attached insulin usage to the cause of my being fat, which resulted in me stopping my Novomix 30 injections. My glucose levels sat at 30+ each day and the weight dropped off me (I was severely malnourished) and it resulted in my blood gasses being elevated causing the DKA.

I knew the risks of mismanaging my insulin but my self-harm needs drove the actions. I needed immediate/short-term damage but it didn’t happen, so I settled for long-term damage, and got the DKA.

Even since the DKA and my insulin regime changed from Novomix 30 to Tresiba + NovoRapid, my need to use the insulin dosages as a weapon haven’t gone. I have periods of increasing the background insulin by 300%+, or refusing the background insulin, and/or refusing the Rapid before meals, and/or increasing the dosages by silly amounts.

At the moment I am struggling to remove the need to self-harm with my insulin and I am looking for advice

I now have a Diabetic Consultant/Dietician but they just seem to panic when I mention the mental health issues dealing to my insulin, and my Mental Health worker has no clue as it’s relating to my diabetes. Both teams just say talk to the other team.

Has anyone else had issues with using insulin as a weapon against themselves?

Yes. When I was at uni I took no care of my diabetes; in the throws of an eating disorder it just didn't test or take the insulin regularly. I see taking it as going against the natural 2nd law of thermodynamics i.e. if you leave it things just get chaotic in the same way that your bedroom does if you never tidy it up. It felt like way too much effort to take care of the diabetes and I was not worth looking after. I have never self harmed unless you count lack of self care being in that category.
I was open about my eating problems and depression and was then fortunate enough to get access to a psychologist who treated me with cbt and prozace. I didn't get better overnight and had vulnerable patches where things dipped again but I think the diabetes/mental health issue did at least get me to the top of a queue for treatment since the behaviours had such a detrimental effect on my physcial health. I do know what the mental health resources are like near you but you deserve to get some help and it does not sound as if you will be able to do this solo. Can you ask your GP, a friendly DSN as well as the consultant. I am surprised he/she is reacting as though this is an unheard of thing for a diabetic to do. It isn't.

Type 1, Self-Harmer, Insulin is a weapon

Andrew0306uk

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ert

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Type 1, Self-Harmer, Insulin is a weapon

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