Some is just too much to read about sometimes. like today in the paper this actor saying that his father gave him drugs at 6
And 2 years later he was hooked.
And 2 years later he was hooked.
What do you think about people who cant just get over or forgive their abusive childhood
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Riva_Roxaban
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It was just in the paper today about the actor Robert Downey Jr and his father Downey Sr(a hopeless
Drug addict for most of his life)
Who gave him a cannabis joint at 6 yrs old. Which eventually led him to a Iife time
Of drug addiction as well,(heroin,cocaine,crack cocaine) just because his father gave him
That first cannabis joint at 6 yrs old, so therefore normalised it for him.
Just wondering how, if he ever was able to get over it if he could eventually forgive his father really.
Drug addict for most of his life)
Who gave him a cannabis joint at 6 yrs old. Which eventually led him to a Iife time
Of drug addiction as well,(heroin,cocaine,crack cocaine) just because his father gave him
That first cannabis joint at 6 yrs old, so therefore normalised it for him.
Just wondering how, if he ever was able to get over it if he could eventually forgive his father really.
Or how do people in general really get over an abusive childhood, and are able to forgive.Because
some can, others cant.
some can, others cant.
It depends what anyone means by "forgiveness".
If it's something like "what you did to me was dreadful, but I don't feel bad about your having done it it now" or
"what you did to me was dreadful but I won't give it/you the power of staining my whole life" or
"what you did to me was dreadful, but you (insert excuse of choice e.g. you couldn't help it, you did it because, I understand why you did it, I'm going to forget all about it, worse things happen at sea et. ad inf)
Personally, I don't think "forgiving" someone else's appalling actions is necessary or useful, and some things can't be moved on from. It's about survival.
If it's something like "what you did to me was dreadful, but I don't feel bad about your having done it it now" or
"what you did to me was dreadful but I won't give it/you the power of staining my whole life" or
"what you did to me was dreadful, but you (insert excuse of choice e.g. you couldn't help it, you did it because, I understand why you did it, I'm going to forget all about it, worse things happen at sea et. ad inf)
Personally, I don't think "forgiving" someone else's appalling actions is necessary or useful, and some things can't be moved on from. It's about survival.
S o is it about trying to forget and move on and not let it define your life. Because in a way I sometimes
think that if you forgive someone, it can feel that you give them the power somehow to make them
feel some how that what they did was right.
think that if you forgive someone, it can feel that you give them the power somehow to make them
feel some how that what they did was right.
I see your point but what if things are said but are not actually true, do we forgive and forget the unimaginable lies and the the fall out that happens? Its not always easy. I have a lot of time for Robert Downey Junior to come back from that or anyone that does for that matter xx
F Rom my own experience.could understand that. P people can lie sometimes . Because they can't just understand the truth
anymore . Had a lot of that in my lifetime. Just one example.My mother was this neurotic
person who was k ind in her own way. But after talking to my sister. Came to the conlu sion
that she was abused in her childhood.Think she had PDSD. And could not cope with
anyting extra rea aly. On tip toes all the time in case we upset her.
When my siser . Who was nursing at the time and looking after 3 wards on 3 different floors
Got really stressed out. What did my mother say to me 'it is your fault'. Wasent even near
the wards Even some people with PDSD go into the survival mode in the end and blame
Other people just because they can't take any more pain themselves.
Could give you 3 more examples of that really. (So sorry 2. Don't want to be a real dramatic
drama queen really in the end.
that
anymore . Had a lot of that in my lifetime. Just one example.My mother was this neurotic
person who was k ind in her own way. But after talking to my sister. Came to the conlu sion
that she was abused in her childhood.Think she had PDSD. And could not cope with
anyting extra rea aly. On tip toes all the time in case we upset her.
When my siser . Who was nursing at the time and looking after 3 wards on 3 different floors
Got really stressed out. What did my mother say to me 'it is your fault'. Wasent even near
the wards Even some people with PDSD go into the survival mode in the end and blame
Other people just because they can't take any more pain themselves.
Could give you 3 more examples of that really. (So sorry 2. Don't want to be a real dramatic
drama queen really in the end.
that
lorib64
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An Other example:
My daughters X partner was abused by his mother as a child.Maybe she could not accept that she abused he m really
So therefore compensated by controlling, well contolling everything about his life really, interfering in
Everything (in her own little way not w wanting to cause him anymore pa in, which was her own doing to start off with)
So basically everything he did was right even though it was wrong most of the t ime.
But what got us down in the end was she tried to destroy everything about our family.Tried to turn me
against my daugher. Her son tried to turn his daughter(the child they had together)against her mother.(My daughter)
Got really toxic in the end. Had to have the police in and she was given a Harassment order.
She even tried to get my daughter sacked from her work..(when my daughter was pregnant with her ow n grandchild). she sent her employers this letter saying they should sack her (Thank God her employer, they diden t show her the letter while she was pregnant. But kindly sent her a letter back just saying really that they had 'no problem' with my daughter.Which was her own unborn grandchild. My daughter lost a stone in weight with all the stress during her pregnancy. Just glad that
my granddaughter was even born really and healthy
After her Harassement order was over she even went back to the police station to complain.
Why was I given this, Haven't done anything' wrong (just a woman in denial).
can't forgive them really.Just ignore and forget them
Hurt people hurt other people
Let them live in their ignorance. And self denial
Just glad that he is still her X.
My daughters X partner was abused by his mother as a child.Maybe she could not accept that she abused he m really
So therefore compensated by controlling, well contolling everything about his life really, interfering in
Everything (in her own little way not w wanting to cause him anymore pa in, which was her own doing to start off with)
So basically everything he did was right even though it was wrong most of the t ime.
But what got us down in the end was she tried to destroy everything about our family.Tried to turn me
against my daugher. Her son tried to turn his daughter(the child they had together)against her mother.(My daughter)
Got really toxic in the end. Had to have the police in and she was given a Harassment order.
She even tried to get my daughter sacked from her work..(when my daughter was pregnant with her ow n grandchild). she sent her employers this letter saying they should sack her (Thank God her employer, they diden t show her the letter while she was pregnant. But kindly sent her a letter back just saying really that they had 'no problem' with my daughter.Which was her own unborn grandchild. My daughter lost a stone in weight with all the stress during her pregnancy. Just glad that
my granddaughter was even born really and healthy
After her Harassement order was over she even went back to the police station to complain.
Why was I given this, Haven't done anything' wrong (just a woman in denial).
can't forgive them really.Just ignore and forget them
Hurt people hurt other people
Let them live in their ignorance. And self denial
Just glad that he is still her X.
I've stayed out of this thread so far but your comment that people who have been hurt then go on to hurt others has upset me.
Everyone is hurt by something or someone at sometime. Therefore anyone has to potential to hurt others. People hurt people.
As someone who was abused as a child (and has forgiven the abuser) I have not gone on to hurt others in the ways you describe. Don't tar us all with the same brush please.
Everyone is hurt by something or someone at sometime. Therefore anyone has to potential to hurt others. People hurt people.
As someone who was abused as a child (and has forgiven the abuser) I have not gone on to hurt others in the ways you describe. Don't tar us all with the same brush please.
To Zand
I apologise if I have upset you in anyway Zand
And just one word can make a different sometimes.Because I was just
thinking for a minute about these people
Who have tried to destroy our lives. Thinking about them when I said ',Hurt people hurt people'
I also was nearly killed by this paedophile when I was about 7 yrs old. Thought it was my last breath.(won't go into details)
But the thing is never even tried to let the pain go on. Prayed that it wouldnt.
I have really well adjusted and kind children now.
I have the highest regard for any body who has ever been through situations
Like these. But most of all for people that haven't let their pain go on to a new generation.
I apologise if I have upset you in anyway Zand
And just one word can make a different sometimes.Because I was just
thinking for a minute about these people
Who have tried to destroy our lives. Thinking about them when I said ',Hurt people hurt people'
I also was nearly killed by this paedophile when I was about 7 yrs old. Thought it was my last breath.(won't go into details)
But the thing is never even tried to let the pain go on. Prayed that it wouldnt.
I have really well adjusted and kind children now.
I have the highest regard for any body who has ever been through situations
Like these. But most of all for people that haven't let their pain go on to a new generation.
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