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Who's A Pretty Boy Then?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Diabeticliberty
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Diabeticliberty

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A passenger liner is sailing around the South China Sea and working on board is a magician who has been given a 6 month contract. Sunday night is opening night and he is understandably nervous. He begins his well rehearsed routine and just as he gets to the pinnacle of his first trick a large parrot sat at the Csptains Table spouts out very loudly 'Look up his left sleeve folks. I can see 6 playing cards up there' The magician is duly annoyed and sets about reprimanding the bird but then the Captain interjects answers the magician to leave the parrot alone as it belongs to the Captain and always has pride of place at his table. The magician a little bit dejected moves onto his next trick. Just as he gets near the end the parrot squawks loudly and explains that there is a rabbit in the cupboard underneath the top hat. The trick is ruined. This goes on through the magician's entire routine and he is extremely annoyed but cannot do anything against the Captain's bird. Monday night an identical chain of events follows. Then Tuesday, then Wednesday and part way through Thursday until a massive explosion from the boiler room sinks the ship and the magician finds himself floating on a piece of driftwood. He turns around and sees the unconscious parrot on the other end of the wood. When the bird regains consciousness they sit on either extreme end of the wood with their backs to each other. The magician does not speak and neither does the parrot. Night comes and they completely ignore each other. All day and night the following day neither of them speaks. On Monday the magician wakes from a troubled sleep to find the parrot sat on the end of his nose and staring directly into the magicians eyes. The parrot coughs to clear his throat and says 'Ok I give in. What have you done with the fu@$&¥÷ boat then?
 
Parrots can be very annoying like that: a friend of mine went on holiday and left her African Grey with me: the first day, it swore at me non-stop. Then it called me a fat fool: told me I was ugly enough to make an onion cry; suggested that when I was born, the doctor probably held me the right way up and slapped my face, instead of the usual inversion. Anyway, I tried everything to stop it, but it had no fear of humans, certainly not me, and it just subjected me to a barrage of screaming abuse from morning till night. In a fit of madness, I shut it in the fridge, hoping the thick door would at least drown out the worst of the noise.
The result? Silence. Absolute silence. I panicked, thinking I might have killed the silly thing, and threw the fridge door open.
Slowly, tentatively, the African grey stepped forward, and I'll never forget what it said:
"Sir, I must apologise profusely for my previous invective: such billingsgate is unworthy of a gentleman, and I wish to proffer my wing in friendship, gentlemanly respect and deference"
I accepted the apology in cautious and confused silence: the parrot went on...
"I don't know what the chicken I saw in that fridge did to upset you, but consider me a changed man"

True story........
 
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