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Why is my boyfriend so distant?

Sweeeeeeeeeet

Sweeeeeeeeeet

Active Member
Ever since I told my boyfriend I have type 1 diabetes (I'm newly diagnosed), he's been acting distant. He was always so chatty and couldn't wait to see me, always making plans, and talking about the future. We're been together for 5 years now, he used to talk about getting married and having children all the time. We're still kind of young, but it never stopped us from dreaming. But, ever since I got back from the hospital (diagnosed with DKA), he hasn't said much and hasn't even asked me out once! I don't want to bring it up because I don't know what he's thinking and would hate to look foolish. Does anyone know what he might be thinking? I know only he knows, but if anyone's had a similar experience, I would love to hear how it turned out.
 
No-one could possibly know the answer to that one .... but I'm a guy and if I was in your shoes, I'd ask him directly. You're better off knowing.

Guys get scared for lots of reasons and perhaps he needs time to take it all in. Good luck :)
 
I agree with Mike D. You're not the only one having to get used to the idea of diabetes. You have to give him time to get his head round it too. Best wishes. :)
 
Sweeeeeeeeeet said:
Ever since I told my boyfriend I have type 1 diabetes (I'm newly diagnosed), he's been acting distant. He was always so chatty and couldn't wait to see me, always making plans, and talking about the future. We're been together for 5 years now, he used to talk about getting married and having children all the time. We're still kind of young, but it never stopped us from dreaming. But, ever since I got back from the hospital (diagnosed with DKA), he hasn't said much and hasn't even asked me out once! I don't want to bring it up because I don't know what he's thinking and would hate to look foolish. Does anyone know what he might be thinking? I know only he knows, but if anyone's had a similar experience, I would love to hear how it turned out.
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Hi sweeeeeeeeeeeeet, further to what mike said,it is possible that he's not fully conversant with the truth of diabetes and doesn't understand or even misunderstands the illness, my advice would be to become fully informed yourself ,and then armed with the answers you could talk to him then , very best to you both ::))
 
Mike D said:
No-one could possibly know the answer to that one .... but I'm a guy and if I was in your shoes, I'd ask him directly. You're better off knowing.

Guys get scared for lots of reasons and perhaps he needs time to take it all in. Good luck :)
Click to expand...

Well, seeing as you're a "legend" around here, I'll take your word for it. How would YOU like to be approached about it? Anything a girl can say to make it less scary? I'd hate to scare him away. He's a really nice person and we've been together for a long time and have a lot invested in this relationship. Sometimes I worry he might not want me anymore because this might mean not being able to have kids of my own. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head right now; not sure I should get ahead of myself and ask him. Thanks, though.
 
Clivethedrive said:
Hi sweeeeeeeeeeeeet, further to what mike said,it is possible that he's not fully conversant with the truth of diabetes and doesn't understand or even misunderstands the illness, my advice would be to become fully informed yourself ,and then armed with the answers you could talk to him then , very best to you both ::))
Click to expand...

If he sticks around long enough for me to get used to having diabetes and do more research, then I think I'll do just that. Thanks.
 
Sweeeeeeeeeet said:
Well, seeing as you're a "legend" around here, I'll take your word for it. How would YOU like to be approached about it? Anything a girl can say to make it less scary? I'd hate to scare him away. He's a really nice person and we've been together for a long time and have a lot invested in this relationship. Sometimes I worry he might not want me anymore because this might mean not being able to have kids of my own. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head right now; not sure I should get ahead of myself and ask him. Thanks, though.
Click to expand...

Hi @Sweeeeeeeeeet :)

A legend does not make me an expert on relationships or confer upon me any rights to tell you what to do, but I do get where you're coming from. So let me say this ....

I don't know how old you are but (many) young guys just like to run away when they are confronted by something they do not understand. That is their nature ... you can't change that. Perhaps your partner is different and needs some time to absorb it and work out in his own head how he wishes to deal with it.

OK, so how would I approach it if I was in your shoes knowing the male mind? I'd simply lay the cards on the table FACE to FACE and read his reaction. You might well know right then and there if he's scared, can't cope or will (and I truly trust he does) back you up. "For richer for poorer" and all that :)

It certainly wouldn't diminish my opinion of someone from the opposite sex ..... in fact I'd be ashamed if it did. This is back to you and your capacity to know whether he is with you or not. I hope that helps a bit :)

Mike
 
Hi, just sit down and have a relaxed chat about diabetes. At the end of the day you are the one having to deal with it and it's not going to go away, unless there is a cure in the future.
I mean, just having a hug from the person you are with or a shoulder to lean on can mean so much. If he really loves you, he should be there for you, so you can both talk about it, but still trying to just get on with every day life and carry on with work, hobbies and interests.
If I had a partner and he was diagnosed with a chronic medical condition I would want to know more about it and be there for him, by going on the journey with him too. Google Type 1 diabetes and lots of information comes up.
I hope it works out for you and your boyfriend isn't so distant towards you. Good luck and wishing you all the very best for the future, fingers crossed for a happy outcome X

RRB
 
Sweeeeeeeeeet said:
Sometimes I worry he might not want me anymore because this might mean not being able to have kids of my own. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head right now. . .
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Well, you should calm down and clear your head of such thoughts.

It's a lot for anyone to take in but don't read all the bad things that could happen and start thinking they WILL happen to you.

Sure there are diabetics somewhere that can't have children but many thousands do have healthy babies.

I was diagnosed at 24 and it never crossed my mind that I couldn't have children.

You didn't happen to see a recent episode of Call the Midwife, did you, where a girl was told she couldn't have a baby? If so, that was over 40 years ago and we've come a long way since then!

You should talk to your boyfriend and find out what his worries are and tell him yours. Find out about diabetes together.
 
dancer said:
You didn't happen to see a recent episode of Call the Midwife, did you, where a girl was told she couldn't have a baby? If so, that was over 40 years ago and we've come a long way since then!
Click to expand...

The original poster is in the US.. I'm not sure that CTM has cracked that nut across the pond yet.. Lol

@Sweeeeeeeeeet , I'm kind of like the guy you profile in your queery.. Your "boyfriend" is the only one who can answer your question... My wife tends to ask me up front. It saves a lot of misunderstanding through lack of communication with both parties.. Which works for us..!
Disclaimer: don't always expect an answer you would personally like...;)
 
Your boyfriend could be thinking things through ?
Getting his head and feelings sorted out ?
Hence his quietness etc

Try asking him - if he will explain his thoughts on this matter ?
Give him a open ended conversation on it possibly ?
Open ended questions will give him room to express things to you
more easily .
 
Mike D said:
Hi @Sweeeeeeeeeet :)

A legend does not make me an expert on relationships or confer upon me any rights to tell you what to do, but I do get where you're coming from. So let me say this ....

I don't know how old you are but (many) young guys just like to run away when they are confronted by something they do not understand. That is their nature ... you can't change that. Perhaps your partner is different and needs some time to absorb it and work out in his own head how he wishes to deal with it.

OK, so how would I approach it if I was in your shoes knowing the male mind? I'd simply lay the cards on the table FACE to FACE and read his reaction. You might well know right then and there if he's scared, can't cope or will (and I truly trust he does) back you up. "For richer for poorer" and all that :)

It certainly wouldn't diminish my opinion of someone from the opposite sex ..... in fact I'd be ashamed if it did. This is back to you and your capacity to know whether he is with you or not. I hope that helps a bit :)

Mike
Click to expand...

You know, it's funny how I was so worried about confronting him; I didn't have anything to worry about. I was right about not pushing the subject with him. And I gave him time to come to terms with it and now I have my answer. I didn't even have to ask him. He came right out and told me. He said he didn't think he was strong enough to handle something so big. And he dumped me. (Not in so many words.) But the reality of it is...he's gone. After 5 long years; he's gone. Just like that. I still think he's a wonderful person. Just not wonderful for me. Oh, well. Good thing I have so many other things going for me right now (like getting used to a whole new lifestyle) or I'd be really upset. Oh, well.
 
dancer said:
Well, you should calm down and clear your head of such thoughts.

It's a lot for anyone to take in but don't read all the bad things that could happen and start thinking they WILL happen to you.

Sure there are diabetics somewhere that can't have children but many thousands do have healthy babies.

I was diagnosed at 24 and it never crossed my mind that I couldn't have children.

You didn't happen to see a recent episode of Call the Midwife, did you, where a girl was told she couldn't have a baby? If so, that was over 40 years ago and we've come a long way since then!

You should talk to your boyfriend and find out what his worries are and tell him yours. Find out about diabetes together.
Click to expand...

I didn't have to talk to him--he came right out and told me. "I'm not strong enough to handle diabetes." There goes 5 years of my life. Good thing I'm young, or I'd be really mad. Who am I kidding--I'm really mad.
 
Sorry to hear that, but you sound pretty upbeat. To be honest if he's going to carry on like that when life hurls sh!t at him, you're better off without him.

His loss.

Keep ya chin up and focus on a healthy future ;)
 
Jaylee said:
The original poster is in the US.. I'm not sure that CTM has cracked that nut across the pond yet.. Lol

@Sweeeeeeeeeet , I'm kind of like the guy you profile in your queery.. Your "boyfriend" is the only one who can answer your question... My wife tends to ask me up front. It saves a lot of misunderstanding through lack of communication with both parties.. Which works for us..!
Disclaimer: don't always expect an answer you would personally like...;)
Click to expand...

That's why I never come right out and ask. I just wait for him to figure things out and come to me. I don't like to nag. I learned many years ago (this coming from someone in her 20s mind you) that men don't like to be cornered. I give him freedom, I don't push and I don't make him talk about things that make him uncomfortable. The rest is up to him.
 
Daks said:
Sorry to hear that, but you sound pretty upbeat. To be honest if he's going to carry on like that when life hurls sh!t at him, you're better off without him.

His loss.

Keep ya chin up and focus on a healthy future ;)
Click to expand...

I'm not as upbeat as I sound, but no use in crying over spilled milk, right? I don't know if I'm better off without him, I'm carrying his child. Before I was officially diagnosed with diabetes, I actually thought I was pregnant, some of the symptoms overlap, apparently. As it turns out, I was right about being pregnant. I just didn't think I would be both. When it rains, it pours.
 
Mike D said:
Does he know about that?
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No. I didn't know myself when he texted me we're over earlier today. I did the pregnancy test after. If he's THIS broken up about the diabetes, I seriously doubt he can handle a child. I don't know what I'm going to do, quite frankly. I need to clear my head.
 
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