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Wife's cancer diagnosis.

jaywak

Well-Known Member
Messages
942
Location
Norwich
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Cold weather, angry people, queues,
My wife of 42 yrs has just been diagnosed with several cancers and been told she may only have 6 mths to live , my type 1 diabetes has gone completely out of control with highs and lows every day and 2 hours sleep if I'm lucky , has any body here been through anything similar ? any advise on copeing with such an awful situation would be very much appreciated .
 
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@jaywak I'm really sorry to hear that. Sending hugs to you both.

I'be been through such a situation twice with my parents, although once wasn't with cancer. The stress of both these situations played havoc with my diabetes too, especially initially. You can only do the best you can regarding your levels, during such times. It's a huge shock to get news like that, so maybe look towards a slightly higher target range for now, to avoid hypo's and the roller coaster that can follow.

It's helpful to have food in that doesn't require a lot of prep, and you can just 'grab' when you've got the time/feel able to eat. Tins are always a good standby.
I hope you will be put in contact with Macmillan, if not do contact them and Marie Curie, as they're a valuable source of support and information, and if your wife wanted to apply for Attendance Allowance, they'll sometimes fill the form in for you, which is so helpful.
 
Hi,

my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer 9 years ago and died a year later. Yes, of course it is a terrible shock and you will be going through so many emotions. Living with cancer is hard, both mentally and physically both for you and your wife.

you will need all the strength you can muster, so please try and focus on caring for yourself as well as your wife. I’m only type 2 so hesitate to comment but It sounds like good advice to let your control slip a little, and indeed I’m sure the added stress will make that happen, but do take the time you need to make sure it is just a little. Sorry if this sounds harsh but right now of course your wife needs you there….not in hospital with uncontrolled dm.

It’s good advice to reach out to macmillan. Not just their actual physical presence but they have a very good forum like this one where you can get help and advice and connect with others in your position. There are areas of the forum for partners, for each type of cancer, financial help, and for help with end of life and bereavement. They also have a telephone helpline if you need to talk to someone. i used to be a mod on the forum and it is a welcoming place to share your hopes and fears.

If and when the time is right don’t be afraid to involve your local hospice. As well as inpatient care ours offered support at home and also complementary therapies like massages or even art to help both of us relax.

PM me if I can be any help.
 
Not my partner, and I'm not T1, butwhen my mother was given a similarly devastating diagnosis (no timeframes offered in her case), it took a bit of getting to grips with, in terms of simply learning to live with that dreadful knowledge.

My relationship with my mother had peaks an troughs, but I promised myself (ans silently to her) that I would do what I could to make her remaining time as comfortable as I could and to try to make happy memories, for us both.

As suggested by others, please do reach out to MacMilllan - for yourself, as well as your wife. Mum's Macmillan nurse is a wonderful woman who helped us both in so many ways, both during her lifetime, but also beyond.

Mum's MacMillan nurse suggested Mum attend the local hospice as a day patient, which Mum reluctantly agreed to. She hated the idea, but actually really enjoyed the experiences, to the extent she was content to accept some respite care on a couple of occasions. Whilst there, some of her meds were tweaked, but it was just a really positive and pampering experience. She would have her hair and nails done, and would be offered a sherry before dinner in the evenings! Great place.

I can't pretend it was a pleasant, or easy journey, escorting my Mum to life's exit, but on reflection I am so grateful we had that knowledge to do what we could, and it allowed us to become really, unexpectedly, very close.

I hope you and your wife, and extended family can make good memories and that her journey is as she would hope. Reach out whenever you need to.
 
So very sorry to hear this, it’s so tough looking after your wife, coping with it and looking after yourself. My lovely, fit mum died last year after a similar diagnosis and like you, I found the diabetic side of things as tough as everything else, the emotions play havoc. All I can say is go with it, don’t expect great control, tolerate the highs, carry sweet things for the lows and be kind to yourself. You'll get back control later, not important at the moment. Good luck and hugs.
 
My prayers are with you and your wife.

[mod edit to align with forum ethos & ethical rules.]
 
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Hi,

I’m so sorry for your wife’s diagnosis & prognosis.

Words can’t elaborate further. But if it can give any sort of comfort. I have had in-laws given similar timescales & more precious time has been been exceeded than initially projected by HCPs?

It hurts. I empathise she is & always will be your wife. Stay strong, @jaywak regarding your diabetes management to do so? We are here to try…
 
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Thanks to everyone for all your kind words , my wife at the moment is fit and well with not one symptom ,if we hadn't been involved in the trial we would now be living in ignorant bliss .
 
Sending you and your wife much love and hugs x
 
jaywak said:
Thanks to everyone for all your kind words , my wife at the moment is fit and well with not one symptom ,if we hadn't been involved in the trial we would now be living in ignorant bliss .
Click to expand...

Oh my. What a way to discover. It must feel like the worst of all dreams.
 
@jaywak .
Sorry to read of the prognosis.

Not T1, so can only say to listen to the advise from those who are, set & accept range maybe larger .

Have been there with my dad.
Best advice I would have given me, was hard as it is, take time for yourself.

Just a brief respite each week isn't selfish...it's essential, imho.

Hard enough being there for your wife, if you yourself are running on empty.

Reach out & take whatever help is available .

Best wishes things are as smooth & painless as such a disease can be.
 
Seems odd to mark winner for such a post.
But i thought you had this so right.

The trick for those caring, is to know, even when mistakes are made, (and god knows I made mine) the level of care WAS the best we could give.

And not 2nd guess ourselves that we could have done xyz, better,
But to know we can hold our heads up, having done the very best we could.

I had a similar situation with my dad.
And You ticked every box, as I read

And this was Gold.
do what we could, and it allowed us to become really, unexpectedly, very close.
Click to expand...
Is how we ended up too.

Little consolation for the loss,
But a place I think that gives much comfort to those we tend to.

And a post I hope @jaywak, you may come back to when ready, for a little comfort & gentle guidance.

God Bless.
 
Thanks to everyone it does seem like our lives have been blown apart . We retired three years ago with so many things we wanted to do and now this ,like they always say enjoy it while you can
 
Sorry to hear this @jaywak - sending you both my love.

Try to go easy on yourself in regards to stress, try walks to help level the stress, it really is a pain with t1 when faced with these difficult times but just remember self care and to look after yourself (although easier said than done at times).
 
WELL WELL last year i had 42 days Hospital COULD NOT GET ANY DOCTER to see me all done by A E
basic i got LYMPHNOMA TREATMENT by KEMO 9 times 2 LIFE saving opps BOWL AND BLADDER STOMACH RECONSTRUTION STEROID S MAKE A BLOOD SUGAR GO VERY VERY HIGH 20/25/30/ ISH or periods of 1/3 hours
all i going to SAY TO you
JAYWAK SPEND £ 250--00 FEESTYLE LIBRE 2 SYSTEM /or get you diabetics team together one on THE NHS soonest possible this saved my SANITY MOST NIGHT AS yoo can check blood sugar so many times even 5 mins or even 10 mins 30 mins or only once a day together it will give you a very accurate reading of bloods sugars and make it easy for you to adjust by food insulin plus or less but it will be leaning curve for you
as i am also type one diabetic on INSULIN FOR 64 YES 64 YEARS and 4 years on dialysis plus kidney transplant 17 years
so i will end on saying this all they best to you and you wife bless you both vic
 
Thanks vic , someone else suggested that I get a Libre but to be honest my brain is in such a fog I don't think I would be able to handle the new technology at the moment , I have been type 1 for 47 years which is how long I have known my wife , she has she has always been there for me !
 
JAYWAK
HOW ARE YOU DOING have you been able to make very small changes to help anybody near you been able to help at all like clinic for Cancer or diabetic clinic person you must know some just have a natter even the BIRDS ibN the trees SOUNDS CRAZY TALKING or thinking can help MUSICE ALSO HELPS i had an AUNT WHO KEEP TV ON company was her answer
stay safe vic
 
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