Worried about my father

[TwirlyWoo]

*Please do move this thread if it is in the wrong place*

Good morning everyone,

I'm becoming even more concerned with my father who has type 2 (with insulin), he has been diabetic for almost a decade after tingly feet and a reading of 27 showed that he was diabetic. In the last ten years he has done very little to change his diet and lifestyle and is very much of glass is half empty mind-set and seems to accept that he is done for.
He eats what he wants and drinks what he wants and seems generally confused about what he should be eating despite years and years of my advice (he probably sees it as pestering now). I'm his daughter and I care for him a lot and I do have some knowledge of diabetes management but have had more involvement in growing islet cells in cell culture for research. There is no inclination for him to seek further advice or even go on a DESMOND course or even visit a private dietician. He chose to make the switch to insulin as it appeared easier to carry on having a normal life, rather than change his diet and lifestyle. And he wonders why he has high morning readings (12 for example). He has a warped idea of what is normal for him now, he idea of normal is 8-9 mmol which is still too high. And I suppose like many diabetics he carries sweets with him, but he eats them all the time! I think his sweet consumption has dramatically increased since being diagnosed. He takes them when he feels low, but he doesn't take a reading to confirm that he has low blood sugar. Sweet popping has become far to much of a routine that he is using them to top himself up in between poor meals, or missed meals, or just simply eating the foods diabetics shouldn't be. He has no self-control and has never said no, I won't have a baked potato thank you, or no pudding for me thanks.
I'm getting increasingly more worried and upset that he is just paving the way for a poor quality of life and I don't want to watch him spiral out of control, lose a foot for example. What can I do? I don't think he is honest with his doctor either, let alone honest with himself.
I've got an idea of going through his cupboards and taking out everything which is unsuitable for him and dust off unused diabetic cook books, but my husband thinks it wouldn't make a difference.
If you have any advice or experience on dealing with something like this please do let me know. Thank you

 

[Oldvatr]

Hi Twirlywoo, I think that the majority of people on this forum will identify with your story. Either we have been there ourselves, or we know someone going through it. For those of us trying to control our own condition, its a no brainer. Unfortunately, stories of denial provoke feelings of frustration, so you may find replies that are closer to the knuckle than you may be expecting, I hope not.

I was in denial over my smoking habit for 20 years or more. I knew the risks, I knew the price it was costing me and my family, butI refused to give it up. My children nagged me to blazes, but none of it had any effect. I was blinded by my way of life. Then I had 2 strokes in as many weeks. That was the wake up call for me, and I stopped smoking 10 years ago and have never been back to it. But my wife still smokes, and will not give it up, even though she has had health issues herself, she has not had her wakeup call. I could nag, but it will not change things. She will never giveup until she is ready.

Your father has away of life that he is unwilling to 'giveup', and until he is ready to take the steps himself, then this will be the status quo. As I posted elsewhere,'you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink'.

I think it may help if your father could meet other diabetics socially. Conversations will naturally drift to matters diabetic,and this may help your dad understand that he is not alone, and that others have different coping strategies that he might be interested in taking up. You could try to introduce him to a Forum such as here, but this could be interpreted as nagging unless you tread softly. You need to find some way of opening doors for him, then letting him explore at his own pace without being seen to be standing over him or looking over his shoulder.

I think what I am trying to say is that confrontation will get you nowhere, bossing him or fussing over him will not work, but step back and make it clear you are there for him if he needs you may work. Carry on with your own research, and let him know you are doing it so you can offer advice if he needs anything explained. Make it clear he can turn to you for help when he feels he needs it.

 

[Enclave]

Sorry to hear about your father, maybe he got the wrong advice at the start of his diabetes (I did, and was doing the same as your father, until I realised the advice my medical team gave me was wrong )
I will tag @daisy1 who will be along with lots of information, that maybe you could print up for your father to read, ( unless the happy to read off the computer screen )

 

[daisy1]

@TwirlyWoo

Hello and welcome to the forum Here is the information, mentioned above, which we give to new members and which I hope you can encourage your Father to read. There are some posts on here which would be very useful for him too. I expect there will be more soon which could help him as well.

BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW MEMBERS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you’ll find over 150,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.
There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:

• Reduce your carbohydrate intake
• Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates

Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

Another option is to replace ‘white carbohydrates’ (such as white bread, white rice, white flour etc) with whole grain varieties. The idea behind having whole grain varieties is that the carbohydrates get broken down slower than the white varieties –and these are said to have a lower glycaemic index.
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/food/diabetes-and-whole-grains.html

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes

LOW CARB PROGRAM:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/low carb program


Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)

• Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l

However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:

• structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
• self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to bloodglucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.

 

[Brunneria]

I know how you feel!

My own father is a bright, alert man (when his bg isn't too high). He knows he is diabetic, but is entrenched in the 'but it is healthier than sweets!' ideology (Choc covered crystalised ginger) and 'one won't hurt' several times a day.

Sometimes I despair.

But realistically, he is the only person who can make the changes, and my mother and myself turning into nags wouldn't help his blood glucose (he just goes out and buys his own snacks and treats), but it would sour our relationships terribly.

It saddens me tremendously that i (at 48 yrs) am now in the position of watching him (85 yrs) play out some teenage denial rebellion, but it is what it is. So i keep my trap shut nowadays, saying nothing, eating sensibly in front of him, and refusing to 'enable' him by supplying him with that s#dd#ng crystallised ginger for his birthday.

I also refuse to rise to his bait when he makes himself a hot chocolate and says it is to keep his blood glucose from dipping too low. The man wouldn't know what a hypo was if it bit him on the nose.

 

[TwirlyWoo]

Hi Twirlywoo, I think that the majority of people on this forum will identify with your story. Either we have been there ourselves, or we know someone going through it. For those of us trying to control our own condition, its a no brainer. Unfortunately, stories of denial provoke feelings of frustration, so you may find replies that are closer to the knuckle than you may be expecting, I hope not.

I was in denial over my smoking habit for 20 years or more. I knew the risks, I knew the price it was costing me and my family, butI refused to give it up. My children nagged me to blazes, but none of it had any effect. I was blinded by my way of life. Then I had 2 strokes in as many weeks. That was the wake up call for me, and I stopped smoking 10 years ago and have never been back to it. But my wife still smokes, and will not give it up, even though she has had health issues herself, she has not had her wakeup call. I could nag, but it will not change things. She will never giveup until she is ready.

Your father has away of life that he is unwilling to 'giveup', and until he is ready to take the steps himself, then this will be the status quo. As I posted elsewhere,'you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink'.

I think it may help if your father could meet other diabetics socially. Conversations will naturally drift to matters diabetic,and this may help your dad understand that he is not alone, and that others have different coping strategies that he might be interested in taking up. You could try to introduce him to a Forum such as here, but this could be interpreted as nagging unless you tread softly. You need to find some way of opening doors for him, then letting him explore at his own pace without being seen to be standing over him or looking over his shoulder.

I think what I am trying to say is that confrontation will get you nowhere, bossing him or fussing over him will not work, but step back and make it clear you are there for him if he needs you may work. Carry on with your own research, and let him know you are doing it so you can offer advice if he needs anything explained. Make it clear he can turn to you for help when he feels he needs it.

Thank you for your reply Oldvatr. I've definitely reminded myself that 'you can lead a horse to water...' several times but I'm feeling especially upset about it at the moment, probably because I know that I cannot directly help him, no matter how I try and that he had to come to a realisation himself and in his own time.
Socialisation with other diabetics would be very useful I think, I will hopefully point him in the direction of a forum and if he starts having a chat or at least reading other threads that is something.
Thank you.

 

[TwirlyWoo]

Sorry to hear about your father, maybe he got the wrong advice at the start of his diabetes (I did, and was doing the same as your father, until I realised the advice my medical team gave me was wrong )
I will tag @daisy1 who will be along with lots of information, that maybe you could print up for your father to read, ( unless the happy to read off the computer screen )

Thank you for tagging Daisy with the carb info, much appreciated I think in his early years of being a diabetic he actually had a pretty decent diabetic nurse who then moved away and the replacement apparently doesn't do much more than take blood and offer tea and sympathy. A shame you were provided with wrong info, but good you are aware and made changes.
Thank you.

 

[TwirlyWoo]

@TwirlyWoo

Hello and welcome to the forum Here is the information, mentioned above, which we give to new members and which I hope you can encourage your Father to read. There are some posts on here which would be very useful for him too. I expect there will be more soon which could help him as well.

BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW MEMBERS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you’ll find over 150,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.
There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:

• Reduce your carbohydrate intake
• Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates

Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

Another option is to replace ‘white carbohydrates’ (such as white bread, white rice, white flour etc) with whole grain varieties. The idea behind having whole grain varieties is that the carbohydrates get broken down slower than the white varieties –and these are said to have a lower glycaemic index.
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/food/diabetes-and-whole-grains.html

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes

LOW CARB PROGRAM:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/low carb program


Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)

• Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l

However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:

• structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
• self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to bloodglucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.

Thank you @daisy1 really useful information which I will pass on. Particularly the typical blood sugar range before and after meals. Thank you.

 

[TwirlyWoo]

I know how you feel!

My own father is a bright, alert man (when his bg isn't too high). He knows he is diabetic, but is entrenched in the 'but it is healthier than sweets!' ideology (Choc covered crystalised ginger) and 'one won't hurt' several times a day.

Sometimes I despair.

But realistically, he is the only person who can make the changes, and my mother and myself turning into nags wouldn't help his blood glucose (he just goes out and buys his own snacks and treats), but it would sour our relationships terribly.

It saddens me tremendously that i (at 48 yrs) am now in the position of watching him (85 yrs) play out some teenage denial rebellion, but it is what it is. So i keep my trap shut nowadays, saying nothing, eating sensibly in front of him, and refusing to 'enable' him by supplying him with that s#dd#ng crystallised ginger for his birthday.

I also refuse to rise to his bait when he makes himself a hot chocolate and says it is to keep his blood glucose from dipping too low. The man wouldn't know what a hypo was if it bit him on the nose.

Thank you @Brunneria I really don't want to turn into a nag, but the frustration just upsets me but I agree that it could have a negative effect on relationships. Sod's law he would probably continue as he is but worse in spite of any advice.
Ah crystallised ginger. My dad should buy shares in wine gums!
Glad to hear I'm not the only one feeling like this. But I wonder for how long it will continue like this. He's always said that he'll be dead by 60 which is next year so maybe he is just thinking that he will do what he likes if he enjoys it he won't change. He has to consider his health now, he can either age well or age terribly :/
Thank you.

 

[Oldvatr]

Socialisation with other diabetics would be very useful I think.

You can contact DCUK to get details of local support groups in your area. They tend to meet once a month. I have not used this myself.

PS I used to think 40 was my 'sell by' date. I am now officially an OAP complete with Bus Pass.