uncontrolled anger and lousy feeling

[jeanski]

i'm a mother of four and i've had diabetes for almost 10 years now and i am only 38. I find that lately i have uncontrolled emotions, extreme reactions (specially to my eldest daughter) and i say a lot of hurtful words. i am taking insulin but my fasting blood sugar has been 200-300 and i have not even bothered to check what my 2 hour tests are. i have a lot of skin allergies and most of the time i feel so depressed and unable to cope specially with the thought of leaving my four young kids (ages 3-9) at a very early age. i know i have taken out my anger at my husband whom i feel don't try to understand or help me at all. i don't know what to do, i'm so scared not for myself but for my children. i feel that i am slipping away as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter... and the only relationship i am good at now is being an employer as i don't feel any anger at my employees as to being where i am right now. i need help and i need advise. am i the only one caught in this emotional turmoil brought on by this disease? please advise me.

 

[Fraddycat]

Dear Jean, I felt so sad for you when I read your post. You sound so unhappy and in a dark place. I think you really need to speak to your GP or health visitor. You mentioned depression in your post and I think its this that is making you react angrily with the people you love the most.

When my kids were your age, I had a bout of depression and my health visitor was brilliant, amazing, very supportive. I went to her after I had hit my daughter very hard, and left a mark on her back. I felt terrible, thought they would take her into care and was in a terrible state. But in a strange way it was what needed to happen, I got help, I took some time for myself and I got better, slowly but surely.

My daughter is now 20 and doing brilliantly at uni, we love each other very much and she doesn't remember very much about her mother's melt down. Daughters have a special way of getting right under your skin and pressing on your last nerve, try not to beat yourself up too much, you are a wonderful mother who is having a tough time. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Take care, Jane x

 

[janabelle]

Jeanski,
I'm sorry to hear how bad you're feeling, but don't be too hard on yourself, you're juggling a family , work & a chronic illness.
I don't think there's enough awareness of how isolating and stressful living with diabetes on insulin is, most people think we just inject, test and it's as simple as that There is obviously an emotional impact, which can be made worse by poor or erratic blood sugars or being on an insuln that doesn't suit you. I was diagnosed type-1 nearly 24 yrs ago and have 3 children. I've suffered hormonal problems & mood swings & hormonal depression since my teens, and can become incommunicative sometimes & despairing so I can relate to what you're talking about. As for husbands, I find with mine, unless I scream at him exactly what's wrong he wouldn't even notice, they do need things spelling out sometimes.

I wondered what type of insulin you are taking? It is not unheard of for people to react badly to a particular insulin, or insulin type and there are many associated side-effects particularly with the newer analogue insulins. That's what originally brought me to this forum.
Jus

 

[jeanski]

Thank you Jane and Jus, you have already made me feel so much better about everything. The concern and understanding I "see" in your replies have made me realize that I am not alone nor am I the first in this kind of situation. Thank you again for the encouragement.

I think a big part of my emotional turmoil is that I have not found the right doctor whom I can share my troubles with as well as who I feel will really help me in the road towards "acceptance" and then ultimately control. I think I have found the site that will be able to help me as I seek advise from others in the similar situations

I am currently taking 20units of Humalog Mix 25 insulin. What I noticed is that the medication does not seem to help me anymore. Even if I inject 2x a day, my BG is doing poorly and I have tight feelings in my chest lately. The stress and pressure I get from work as well has contributed so much to a breakout of skin allergies. I hope that I could find the right doctor and the right team to help me soon. I know I can't go on like this much longer...

Thanks again Jane and Jus

 

[phoenix]

Constant high blood glucose levels will make you feel like that.
You really need some advice about reducing your levels , maybe a change of insulin type .They often prescribe this type of mixed insulin for people with T2 but there are alternatives ; though they would need more injections.
The twice a day mixes work best with a regular lifestyle, impossible I would have thought for a working mother with 4 children. If you could get your diabetes under better control I'm sure that would help.
Please make an appointment to talk to someone, your GP or nurse. It might be a good idea to ask for a referral to see a diabetes specialist at a hospital clinic.

 

[Fraddycat]

Hi again Jean, you have come to the right place, I found this forum in July and it has really changed my life! I have started to follow a low carbohydrate diet, and this has really helped me control my blood sugars. I would recommend that you have a look around at some of the posts on the 'Newly Diagnosed' board which will give you more info about the recommended low carbohydrate diet and also check out http://www.dietdoctor.com/lchf

It might sound a bit extreme at first but I have found that it really works and it might help you too. We're all here to help, ask as many questions as you like!!

 

[JustMMB]

Hi - this is a really difficult message to post tbh. Over the years I think I’ve gotten increasingly irritable and angry with the people I live the most. I don’t even know I’m doing it most of the time. My wife recently asked me to leave and while we reconciled it’s left me very sad and guilty. She asked me why am I unhappy and angry and simply I don’t know the answer.
I decided to research online and found a lot about type 1 and anger etc etc...
as I read more I kind of think I’m a different person to how I was which is heart breaking for me.
Is this what other people are experiencing? Should I discuss at my clinic? I’m at a loss but know I don’t want my family ripped apart by this.
I’ve also been thinking about this as I run A LOT and not sure why - it does balance me out I know that much but then when I can’t it makes me worse.
Thanks for reading all of this x

 

[NicoleC1971]

Diabetes is so tough. I often feel anger (why me and why don't any of those people guzzling sweets understand?). If that anger turns inwards it is called guilt (we can always try harder and do better after all and we are never perfect especially if managing 4 kids and a full time job!).
If you let guilt and anger go un recognised then it can lead to clinical depression so recognising when we are not doing so well is a great first step.
I asked for help via my diabetes clinic. It is such a well known thing that they have a part time psychologist there just because it i s fairly obvious that being stressed, depressed and anxious is going to mess with your control. To be honest I think the act of asking for help and being listened helped me the most so I'd say it is worth a try!

 

[JustMMB]

Hi - this is a really difficult message to post tbh. Over the years I think I’ve gotten increasingly irritable and angry with the people I live the most. I don’t even know I’m doing it most of the time. My wife recently asked me to leave and while we reconciled it’s left me very sad and guilty. She asked me why am I unhappy and angry and simply I don’t know the answer.
I decided to research online and found a lot about type 1 and anger etc etc...
as I read more I kind of think I’m a different person to how I was which is heart breaking for me.
Is this what other people are experiencing? Should I discuss at my clinic? I’m at a loss but know I don’t want my family ripped apart by this.
I’ve also been thinking about this as I run A LOT and not sure why - it does balance me out I know that much but then when I can’t it makes me worse.
Thanks for reading all of this x

Sorry I wanted to be clear I’m not violent and haven’t been.

 

[JustMMB]

Diabetes is so tough. I often feel anger (why me and why don't any of those people guzzling sweets understand?). If that anger turns inwards it is called guilt (we can always try harder and do better after all and we are never perfect especially if managing 4 kids and a full time job!).
If you let guilt and anger go un recognised then it can lead to clinical depression so recognising when we are not doing so well is a great first step.
I asked for help via my diabetes clinic. It is such a well known thing that they have a part time psychologist there just because it i s fairly obvious that being stressed, depressed and anxious is going to mess with your control. To be honest I think the act of asking for help and being listened helped me the most so I'd say it is worth a try!

Thanks Nicole - I’ll talk it over at my next clinic. Feeling very low about this at the moment. A bit over whelming tbh.

 

[Scott-C]

Is this what other people are experiencing?

I felt quite a lot of anger in the early months, but that settled down, although I can still get a bit short tempered when bg is running too high for no obvious reason. There have been spells, though, when I've been very disillusioned by it all.

A big game changer for me was getting libre a couple of years ago. People use the phrases, "life changer" and "game changer" loosely but I think libre really is.

One of the huge frustrations of T1 is the fact that we are playing a difficult game in the dark.

Strips tell us where we are at that moment, but where we are the rest of the time is guesswork and intuition.

And we often get that wrong - frequently, the first we know about hypos and hypers is after they have happened.

It's that grind which wears us down.

With libre, though, I'm finding it's giving me such good heads up on developing highs and lows that I can proactively take steps to tail it off before it happens - a dextrotab/biscuit or a few units.

That's given me back a huge sense of control - I can steer this now, I'm not reacting after the event to a bad situation.

I feel now that I'm not fighting T1, I'm co-operating with it. Thinking about it that way has given me huge peace of mind.

If you're not using cgm, and finances allow (or you might be lucky enough to have won the postcode lottery and live in an area where it's on script), I'd encourage you to consider cgm.

Better living through technology!

 

[JustMMB]

Hi - I don’t think this is about frustration with diabetes I’m looking more at can diabetes affect your personality and mood? I guess it might be subliminal frustration at being diabetes but I’m wondering more long term.

 

[JohnEGreen]

"Some people experience increased irritable or sad moods when they have a rapid change in their blood sugars. This can be a decrease from their usual level but still in the normal range (80 to 130 mg/dl) or when blood sugars are low (hypoglycemia), below 70 mg/dl. For others, irritability or sadness can occur when blood sugars are higher (say, above 250 mg/dl). In both cases, changes in mood tend to be temporary and will be reduced or cease when blood sugars return to your target range."

http://www.diabetesforecast.org/2013/nov/can-diabetes-affect-my-mood.html

 

[LooperCat]

Hi - I don’t think this is about frustration with diabetes I’m looking more at can diabetes affect your personality and mood? I guess it might be subliminal frustration at being diabetes but I’m wondering more long term.

My sugar levels have a very direct impact on my mood, even if I don’t know what my current number is. Before I turned my Libre into a CGM that I could read on my watch, it was quite noticeable that my mood worsened significantly when I was running high - I’d be really irritable and short-fused. Now I’m aware of my levels all the time, I get frustrated when I’m out of range, but I think that’s just down to knowing I am, if that make sense.

 

[kitedoc]

Hi @jeanski, As someone who has been on insulin for 52 years, not as professional advice or opinion:
Sorry to hear of the your predicament: Life is complicated enough without diabetes.
Stress makes BSLs worse. It can be a vicious cycle - stress causes release of cortisol, our stress management hormone. Cortisol has effects that affect insulin's ability to work efficiently, up go the blood sugars as a result which make us feel worse and that can make it more difficult to manage day to day, leading to more stress. Stress may make us eat for comfort putting BSLs up and we may pay less attention to how our BSLs are day to day, We lose touch with what is happening.
Mix insulins like the one you are prescribed are convenient because they combine the effects of short and long acting insulins. But, according to those I have met who have been prescribed them and my doctor ,- such insulins are not good for adapting to changing situations - when one dose is altered both types of insulin are altered and that affects at least 12 hours of the day when the change desired maybe for a smaller part of the day such as a high BSL after breakfast.
The insulin regimes that provide better adapting to changes etc are more complex : many of us are or have been on what is called a basal-bolus regime. One or two doses of long acting insulin to provide a continuous 24 hour cover of basal insulin - plus use of short-acting insulin as bolus doses before each main meal to cover the upswing of BSLs after food. Each component of these basal-bolus regimes can be altered to better tweak BSLs.
I know complexity is probably the last thing you can cope with right now BUT you owe it to yourself and your family to be healthier. Less high and perhaps less low BSLs = better health, better moods etc.. Also one thing you may have noticed with the mix insulins is that once injected you are obligated to eat in order to prevent your self going hypo. With basal-bolus regimes meals can be delayed, occasionally skipped as the short-acting insulin timing determines when you eat.
Depression is a real bugbear that can affect diabetics - and does affect me. It affects my sleep, my mood over and above high and low BSLs and frustration is certainly a element of it. As you say, finding the right person to speak with about it is important. Finding that person can be a challenge - perhaps requiring one GP for the diabetes side and another GP, or a psychologist, counsellor or psychiatrist for the mood troubles.
When stressed, I find my breathing becomes more rapid and breath holding happens (well, it starts again before I go blue!!) and I cannot think my way out of a wet paper bag. If I breathe evenly, not too deep or shallow I can strategise better.
Perhaps you and your partner need to find ways with relating to the children which can share the responsibilities better, which ease the loads and frustrations you are finding affect you. Finding common goals within a family is a worthwhile challenge. I add that where all else fails with children use bribery but that is a trap if overused !!! Praise and devolving some responsibilities help children to feel important.
I find humour, particularly self humour, can ease stress. years ago my children used to call my injecting of insulin 'javelin practice', I could joke that 'the world is going to run out of rubber tress if I keep blowing a gasket over this and that' and going for a walk was 'another day of field work, out of the office' when photographing new spring colours was the aim. I also found that -
To err is human. I could beat myself up about making a mistake but it was learning from each mistake ( too much insulin, eating food too late after insulin, too much exercise etc) which as important.
Exercise is a real stress reliever, best not done it BSLs are > 14 mmol/l (> 250 mg/dL) and you would need to discuss how to manage exercise with your diabetes doctor.
Self-esteem - I am guessing that being an employer provides you with a sense of worth. That is important and no doubt you have a level of complexity there which you manage. You have that accolade. Perhaps your abilities there can translate to managing your diabetes better.
Best wishes.

 

[Jonlennon]

Thank you Jane and Jus, you have already made me feel so much better about everything. The concern and understanding I "see" in your replies have made me realize that I am not alone nor am I the first in this kind of situation. Thank you again for the encouragement.

I think a big part of my emotional turmoil is that I have not found the right doctor whom I can share my troubles with as well as who I feel will really help me in the road towards "acceptance" and then ultimately control. I think I have found the site that will be able to help me as I seek advise from others in the similar situations

I am currently taking 20units of Humalog Mix 25 insulin. What I noticed is that the medication does not seem to help me anymore. Even if I inject 2x a day, my BG is doing poorly and I have tight feelings in my chest lately. The stress and pressure I get from work as well has contributed so much to a breakout of skin allergies. I hope that I could find the right doctor and the right team to help me soon. I know I can't go on like this much longer...

Thanks again Jane and Jus

Hi Jane,
I was diagnosed with type one a week ago, and I feel a bit lost. I know I can't really understand what you're going through, but I'm always here for a chat if you ever need to just get something's off your chest.

Cheers,
Jon