Hi @Diane56, I have been there too. As a fellow sufferer, not as professional pinion or advice:.
Sometimes there is something to blame but not always. Sometimes it seems to come out of the blue, or happens after something which seems relatively minor.
Know that you are not alone and that you are not at fault.
You may feel ashamed, inadequate and not wish to seek help - BUT - a worry shared in a worry halved, friends, counsellors , nurses, GPs can all help.
The trick is to find someone who clicks with you, who seems to understand you best.
Some of us need medication but that is not always the case and medication by itself is not sufficient anyway in my experience.
And i was advised to use the
Crisis line number, whatever that is called in your neck of the woods - and to use it if I ever felt desperate or that I wished to end it all. There is a way back and that lifeline is there for that.
You may not reach that point but help is still important.
I found
taking steady breathes helped: I could think more clearly with breathing rather than holding my breath and bottling everything up.
Finding something to keep busy with: it did not matter if I could not spend hours at it, just having an activity e.g reading, pottering in the garden, drawing, doing cross-words (and saying a few if that helped )!! Find something interesting to look at outside, with the fresh (but cold air), it does not matter if you happen to be wearing odd socks.
Trying to avoid going over and over something ( i believe they call it rumination) which is like the cows chewing their cud - it does change in taste, it is wearing on the teeth, jaws and not very nutritious.
Finding some humour: at breakfast and having eggs, what would it be like to lay an egg like the hen does? Vary the cooking method: soft googy eggs today or hard boiled Are all bald people hard boiled? If it's daft that is better than feeling down.
I recall being told about the father of a friend who became depressed: What helped him was discovering a little book called "The Book Of Hugs" which recommended at least 8 hugs per day for good health. That number may not be something that is possible straight off but that is what friends and family, others are for.
So please get help, obtain advice if there are worries about finance or other concerns, keep posting if that helps, and know that you are important no matter if that does not feel like it at present..
Lots of ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Seek those that will listen.
Even if the world feels like this
And most things are possible