@myracat what was the outcome of your phone appointment? Has the surgery started to offer your husband the support and treatment that he needs?
As I understand it, if he is T2 then he has two (v simplified) choices
- change his way of eating drastically, and see if he can not increase or reduce his medications, or
- continue eating the way he does and see a steady escalation of medication up to and including insulin
If he turns out to be T1, then the sooner his doctor tests him for it and gets him the appropriate treatment (insulin) the better.
Delaying starting insulin at his HbA1c will, over time, lead to ill health and diabetic complications.
Unfortunately, whichever type of diabetes he has, if he needs high levels of medication, particularly insulin, then testing his blood glucose levels will be a necessary part of life.
I really feel for both of you. It sounds like he is angry and not accepting his situation, and taking it out on you, so both of you must be having a really hard time.
All I can do is urge you STRONGLY to insist on seeing a medical professional (doc, nurse, or endocrinologist) who doesn't fob you off with pointless bad advice about pastry and not testing. Both of those pieces of advice will do far more harm than good.