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16 year old son diagnosed yesterday.

A

Adam Simons

Member
Messages
5
Location
Orpington. Kent
Type of diabetes
Parent
Treatment type
Insulin
16 year old son diagnosed yesterday. He is very ****** off and I suspect will take some time to come to terms with things. He is mourning the future he thought he was going to have and is embarrased by the thought that he is now diferent from his friends. He is angry and confused and I am concerned that he will give up on things , particularly his A level studies where he is not exactly the hardest working student anyway. I would like him to meet other young diabetics or at least get a chance to talk on-line. Any advice.
We live in Orpington.Kent.
 
Hi Adam, what you're son is feeling is totally normal and pretty much all newly diagnosed diabetics go through a period of shock/denial/anger etc. it does pass though. He can pretty much lead a regular life still and still enjoy most foods without problem. There is a course called DAFNE ( Google it ) which you should enquire about for him. It teaches carb counting and adjusting insulin. I don't live anywhere near there now but know Orpington very well. I lived in Bromley and my wife is from Orpington. As for talking and school work, I can't really offer any useful advice. Try and read as much as possible and ask lots of questions here. Knowledge makes diabetes so much easier to live with and may give him a bit more of a positive outlook. Take care.


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Tricky to deal with, and you and he have my utmost sympathy. My nephew was diagnosed T1 4 months ago, aged 17, and he has problems managing his attitude to it.

That's harder on his mother and father than he realises but they're very slowly learning to deal with it.

There's one situation you might think about looking out for, although I've not got any quick answer to it: My nephew has said several times recently that he feels 'over-managed' and 'under the microscope' when in fact his mum and dad are simply asking (albeit fairly frequently) 'how he is'. I know that's because they're on a steep learning curve as well as him and they're worried they'll not be able to spot 'danger signs'. For his part, he says 'he'll tell them if he's not feeling well and to stop asking him about it'.

Neither side have yet got it right and a few times have had rows / stopped talking to each other because of it. He's a bright, well-balanced adolescent and they're good, caring parents, but somehow they've not yet managed to reconcile their respective positions. Neither side feels they should back off and that's often ended in stalemate.

The other thing is understanding: Depending on his attitude, it will take your son quite some time to get his head around how his illness works and appreciate the illogical and unpredictable way it sometimes behaves. It won't always play by the rules and he'll feel frustrated that he can't control it, even though he'll think he's doing everything right. Again, I've seen my nephew with tears of frustration in his eyes because of this and I can understand how he feels. Although reading up on diabetes and talking to others will help you to gradually understand what's going on, you've all got to be careful not to overload (or be overloaded by others), by trying to understand it too quickly.

There are plenty of examples of those who have gone through this and have come out the other side. It might be useful for your son to realise this as well. It changes lives but, with good management and a steady approach, it needn't be anything like as bad as he probably thinks it is now. There are a lot of accomplished people who suffer diabetes but have still gone on to make a success of their lives - it might be worth looking up a few of them and wondering how on earth they managed it. I know I was surprised.

Good luck. Please let us know how you're getting on and don't worry about asking for advice - there's usually plenty of people on here who are looking to help.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi Adam and welcome to the forum!

It's understandable that your lad is upset and it will take some time for it all to sink in and come to terms with it all. There's a good support network out there put first he needs to work closely with his diabetes team and get his diabetes under control, once he achieves this then there's nothing stopping him from leading a full and active life, I was 18 when diagnosed so fully understand how the boy feels .........but believe me it does get better.
 
I'm almost perfectly happy being diabetic.

But if I were diagnosed now, I would be an awful lot more ****** off than I was when diagnosed 30 years ago. For the orthodox 'control' of the condition has become far more complex and difficult than it need be. But I would know nothing of the truth of that if I were diagnosed now.

I don't need to 'count carbs', and I need to do only a bare minimum of insulin dose adjustment. Yet my blood sugar could scarcely be better controlled.

I think perhaps the best advice I could give is that the attempt to eat normally - ie. the attempt to eat a more-or-less normal breakfast, lunch and evening meal - would be for me misguided and downright dangerous.

And yet I eat very well. (Please see my profile page and recent postings.) Indeed, I think the only time in my life when I've eaten better was the two weeks I spent with the Royal Greenjackets at Winchester, when I did basic training for the TA. (Those army chefs are excellent!)

Sadly, I had to leave the TA when I became diabetic. But I'm very happy with the way things have turned out so far.
 
Adam Simons said:
16 year old son diagnosed yesterday. He is very ****** off and I suspect will take some time to come to terms with things. He is mourning the future he thought he was going to have and is embarrased by the thought that he is now diferent from his friends. He is angry and confused and I am concerned that he will give up on things , particularly his A level studies where he is not exactly the hardest working student anyway. I would like him to meet other young diabetics or at least get a chance to talk on-line. Any advice.
We live in Orpington.Kent.
Click to expand...
Hi, Adam, it will probably take him a lot of time to accept, best to act now to give him the best chance possible, ask his doctors for an urgent appointment to a central London hospital for his diabetes, if he has not already been referred to one. These have large insulin pump clinics available, should he have problems. It is more and more common now for children and teens to have pumps . Hormones etc that are naturally raised in developing teens can often make control very difficult , and many teens also like the more flexible lifestyle, which pumps give. Your son may find, especially when any "honeymoon phase" (so called because many Type ones have some insulin production on diagnosis - maybe discuss a "C Peptide test" and autoimmune tests etc, ) ends, that being at a specialist clinic will help. I myself have found the pump amazing after a lot of difficulty. Some have an easier time even without the pump, but all Type ones are different - one person may do one thing and be fine, another may do the same and be in difficulties . Also contact JDRF, jdrf.org.uk. they have lots of info re diagnosis, support, and Type one , and may have groups info for your area also. They have loads of activity fundraising where your son would meet up with others, while running, biking, etc etc. Good diabetic friends will be invaluable. Best of luck to you and your son.
 
mo1905 said:
Hi Adam, what you're son is feeling is totally normal and pretty much all newly diagnosed diabetics go through a period of shock/denial/anger etc. it does pass though. He can pretty much lead a regular life still and still enjoy most foods without problem. There is a course called DAFNE ( Google it ) which you should enquire about for him. It teaches carb counting and adjusting insulin. I don't live anywhere near there now but know Orpington very well. I lived in Bromley and my wife is from Orpington. As for talking and school work, I can't really offer any useful advice. Try and read as much as possible and ask lots of questions here. Knowledge makes diabetes so much easier to live with and may give him a bit more of a positive outlook. Take care.


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
Click to expand...
 
2131tom said:
Tricky to deal with, and you and he have my utmost sympathy. My nephew was diagnosed T1 4 months ago, aged 17, and he has problems managing his attitude to it.

That's harder on his mother and father than he realises but they're very slowly learning to deal with it.

There's one situation you might think about looking out for, although I've not got any quick answer to it: My nephew has said several times recently that he feels 'over-managed' and 'under the microscope' when in fact his mum and dad are simply asking (albeit fairly frequently) 'how he is'. I know that's because they're on a steep learning curve as well as him and they're worried they'll not be able to spot 'danger signs'. For his part, he says 'he'll tell them if he's not feeling well and to stop asking him about it'.

Neither side have yet got it right and a few times have had rows / stopped talking to each other because of it. He's a bright, well-balanced adolescent and they're good, caring parents, but somehow they've not yet managed to reconcile their respective positions. Neither side feels they should back off and that's often ended in stalemate.

The other thing is understanding: Depending on his attitude, it will take your son quite some time to get his head around how his illness works and appreciate the illogical and unpredictable way it sometimes behaves. It won't always play by the rules and he'll feel frustrated that he can't control it, even though he'll think he's doing everything right. Again, I've seen my nephew with tears of frustration in his eyes because of this and I can understand how he feels. Although reading up on diabetes and talking to others will help you to gradually understand what's going on, you've all got to be careful not to overload (or be overloaded by others), by trying to understand it too quickly.

There are plenty of examples of those who have gone through this and have come out the other side. It might be useful for your son to realise this as well. It changes lives but, with good management and a steady approach, it needn't be anything like as bad as he probably thinks it is now. There are a lot of accomplished people who suffer diabetes but have still gone on to make a success of their lives - it might be worth looking up a few of them and wondering how on earth they managed it. I know I was surprised.

Good luck. Please let us know how you're getting on and don't worry about asking for advice - there's usually plenty of people on here who are looking to help.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks Tom
I can certainly understand that a boy would get fed up with constantly being asked how is and I suspect that the response will invariably be "I'm fine".
Anyway thanks for taking the trouble to reply.
Kind regards
Adam
 
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