OK so I have been to SW to be weighed this morning (just to be weighed, I don't hang around for the meetings)
This week I have lost 2.5 pounds, so that's 3.5 pounds since I started this thread.
I am writing the next bit for myself, as a reminder,as well as for you guys.
I know that many people lose more weight than this at the start of a new diet/lifestyle. I am truly pleased for them. I suspect that these are mainly folks who have gradually put on weight over the years and then been stopped in their tracks by a health issue, be it diabetes, high blood pressure, whatever. It isn't like that for me, I have spent so many years doing so very many diets, that my body has learned to go into 'famine mode'. I do not lose weight easily (I hope Metformin really does change this for me). ( I am also getting my vitamin D levels and my thyroid checked again this afternoon.) To illustrate this I am going to repeat something I put on another thread, apologies if you have read it before, but when I have a 'bad week' and don't lose any weight (or even put some on) I will need to remind myself.
In 2007 my son and I had flu. Really bad flu. We didn't eat anything at all for 5 days, managing only to sip water. For the next 5-6 days we ate around 200-400 calories a day, that's all we could manage. After this we weighed. My son, who didn't have any weight to lose at the start of the illness lost 11.5 pounds. I lost 0.5 pounds. This was a turning point for me and I knew I had to stop cutting down on what I ate and find a different way. Dieting was never going to work if I couldn't lose weight when eating nothing at all.
So the fact that I have lost as much as 2.5 pounds in a week is massive for me. I haven't been calorie counting but I know I have been consuming a lot more than 200-400 calories, so my body is working better now. I need to compare myself with me, not with others. If I do the latter it usually ends with a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. Not this time.
To quote the strap line of a famous supermarket "every little helps!"Went out for a walk this evening with hubby, not that far about 1 1/4 mile. But it was a brisk walk. Certainly the fastest I have walked in 2014. I am beginning to feel alive again. It's quite a good feeling.
thanks Scandi, I need all the hugs I can get.To quote the strap line of a famous supermarket "every little helps!"
It doesn't matter how small the target, the point is that you have started! Big hug!
Exactly! Forgive yourself! Your son is not bothered and neither should you be. You did really well not to eat that bun! Well done and big hugs! Instead of food, find something else for your pick need up. New clothing, facial, new book? It takes strength of character not to cave! You are awesome! Hope you like this:Right. I am just going to type and see what happens. I am feeling down, really down. I let one of my sons down and I am struggling with this. It's such a tiny problem, that it's not really a problem at all. He has sorted things out so it really doesn't matter. Except to me. I feel like such a complete and utter waste of space. That's not him saying that it's me.
My normal response to this situation would be to comfort eat. This was at 3 o'clock. I only had a small piece of cheese (half an ounce) and the tiniest piece of bacon for breakfast. I wasn't hungry. I had forgotten about lunch. So instead of comfort eating - (which would have started with the Belgian bun sitting in the kitchen waiting for my husband to eat ) - I had a dish of fruit - a banana (which I am allowing myself right now because I am having a few more carbs until I see my doctor) strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries with double cream. This is the first time I have ever felt like this and not resorted to comfort eating loads of carbs. You would think it was a good thing. It's not. I am in a brand new place and I still have these awful feelings and I had the chance to push the self-destruct button and didn't. I wish I had. I don't know what to do now. If I had eaten the bloody cake I would have simply failed again, told you all about it and after a couple of days picked myself back up. I just do not recognize the place I am in right now. And I still hurt because I let someone I love down. I have tried to put things right by finding the item of his that I have lost even though it really doesn't matter. I still can't find it, so I can't make myself feel better that way.
I'm not really asking for help by posting this. I just need to key it all in and see what happens next. I so wish I had eaten that cake, this is totally unfamiliar territory and I don't know what to do with these feelings of hatred and self loathing. I suppose I could try forgiving myself - my son has.
What sound advice. What about a long walk in the fresh air and sunshine listening to your fave music?Firstly well done for not eating the cake. I have a tendancy to do the same thing even though I know it will not help and will end up having a very bad effect on my health. I suffer with severe depression and sometimes you just don't know what to do. All I can suggest is talk about it or maybe just take yourself off to your bedroom for a bit and just let our all the anger, upset and frustration. If you ever meted to talk you can message me direct. I know what is like to need help in these situations and feel like your in your own. You are not on your own remember that and remember that the person you love does not blame you and loves you no matter what.
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Thank you so much. I may message you later if that's really OK. I'm not alone anymore, thank youFirstly well done for not eating the cake. I have a tendancy to do the same thing even though I know it will not help and will end up having a very bad effect on my health. I suffer with severe depression and sometimes you just don't know what to do. All I can suggest is talk about it or maybe just take yourself off to your bedroom for a bit and just let our all the anger, upset and frustration. If you ever meted to talk you can message me direct. I know what is like to need help in these situations and feel like your in your own. You are not on your own remember that and remember that the person you love does not blame you and loves you no matter what.
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Noo not the cake. Go and put it in the bin. You don't need to punish yourself. Your son doesn't want this! Film, walk book. Anything! Come on, you can do this!Yes I do like that very much. Thanks
I don't want to pick myself up. I want to punish myself. I think for me 'comfort eating' was actually 'punishment eating'. I see that now. Don't take that the wrong way - I am not in any danger or anything. I just don't know how to forgive myself for being so stupid. I hate being stupid. Perhaps I should go and force that cake down me anyway, just to get back to a familiar place. The world seems very grey right now. I don't know how to walk forward from this. Pathetic.
Good ideas Scandi, thanks for caring. I can't face anything new. I'll try to find an old book, something I used to love. Something Sci-fi to get me out of 'here'