feeling very down...

[calamitygayn]

hi all...not sure what im posting for really, but here goes. ive been type 1 for almost 30 years since age 11. ive never denied this and always taken care of myself. in the last 5 or 6 years, ive got divorced, remarried, gained 2 stone, bought my own home so got another 23 years mortgage, husband lost his job so I started my own business and employed him, difficult children who are now teenagers (hardest job in the world!), mum has moved in with me due to ill health and is doing my head in!....and im tired! all the time. oh and last year I had a total hysterectomy as my diabetes became really different at certain times of the month (sorry to the guys who are reading this! ). thing is, I haven't got time now to look after myself, attend appointments etc. I hope to do the dafne course next month with the hope of getting a pump but realistically, im finding everything so bloody hard. I feel, for the first time, that im too sick to work, but if I don't. ...I have my children, my mum, my house and of course my husbands employment to consider. ...I think I may have had a breakdown and just feeling at breaking point. im exhausted, fat and incredibly stressed out. ...thanks for listening to me moan.

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[2131tom]

I've been lucky as I've never been in your situation but I do have 3 children (now adults) and, although my wife took much of the strain, I do know what looking after them can entail. At one point, my mother-in-law demanded more attention than the three children put together but I'd better not go too much further down that road.

It is difficult but, as a friend of mine always says, "hard love" is sometimes called for, if you're to keep your sanity and stand any chance of looking after your health.

The extended family you're looking after need to realise that you're not indestructible and you need to be cared for every bit as much as they do, if not more, if you're to be around for them in the future. At one point in their lives, my lot (who were then all perfectly capable teenagers) seemed to think that the cooking, cleaning, washing, and all the decision-making, balancing of the finances etc. was something done by 'other people' and all they had to do was to work out how to spend each day doing whatever they wanted to do.

It's hard to do it, but try reading the Riot Act (as my granny used to say) to each and every one of them, that they're ALL capable of helping out, in some way or another, and that you can't be expected to do it all yourself. That's Step One and may bring some results.

If it doesn't, dirty washing left unwashed or some meals uncooked might jolt them into using brains and engaging empathy mode.

Failing that, suddenly b***ering-off for a long weekend with your mates 'for some R & R', and leaving them on their jacks, should make them realise just what they'd be missing if you weren't there at all.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[dawnmc]

Feel for you. I think you need to take some time for yourself, even if its just locking the bathroom door and having a bubble bath with a glass of wine and the radio on, free your head space and the constant 'chatter' that is in your head. Good luck hun.

 

[calamitygayn]

Thanks Tom. omg it sounds like you know my boys! !! will take on what you've said and let you know. ...my mum however, is more work than the kids. ...she says she cared for me when I was diagnosed so now it's her turn to be cared for!

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[calamitygayn]

dawn.....will do that tonight! ty xx

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[lizdeluz]

I agree with @2131tom 's advice, but would like to add a big "Well done you" for all you've achieved. You're amazing!
Right now is You Time as I'm sure you realise, so get a notebook and pen ready to write a list of the things you're going to do to give your mind and body some freedom and rest.

 

[AndBreathe]

Thanks Tom. omg it sounds like you know my boys! !! will take on what you've said and let you know. ...my mum however, is more work than the kids. ...she says she cared for me when I was diagnosed so now it's her turn to be cared for!

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You say your mum is with you due to het I'll-health. I'm absolutely not asking what ails her, but could she realistically help out in any way? If she has an expectation of being looked after, that's not helpful, at any time.

If she is capable of doing some things, then a rethink,is probably required to "promote" her status into active contributor - whether that's by cooking the odd meal, sorting laundry, or whatever - rather than someone who is adding to the strain. Is she (financially) helping to support the household when she's living with you? If she is, then maybe she feels service is included.

It's a difficult one, for sure.

 

[calamitygayn]

tbh, she can do a lot more than she does. ...like getting dressed! she helps a little financially but lately says she is keeping the money as she thinks I spend it unwisely! lol. She refuses to help herself let alone the household.
and lizdeluz..... thank you xx

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[Totto]

Get your thyroid checked, preferably the whole set of tests including antibodies. It does sound very much like thyroid under function and this is very common in women in general and women with type 1 in particular.

 

[Riri]

Sounds to me more like burnout with everything you're having to put up with and obviously your health is just being neglected. As others have said, some home truths said quietly but firmly and some 'me' time is needed. If you don't fancy doing it face to face leave them all a note explaining what's going on and have a day out to let them digest it. Maybe suggest to them that they can all talk to you about it later on you're return when they've had a chance to think about the situation and ask them to come up with some ideas/solutions to improve things. Stick in there but you do need more time to care for your own health.

 

[Heathenlass]

I did.t see this thread until now
how are you doing now, Calamity ? I hope things are going better for you ((((((((hugs ))))))

Signy

 

[satindoll]

Give mum the shopping list and tell her to do it if she believes you are wasting money, tell kids to get off their **** and clean up, tell OH if he wants to keep his job to get finger out and help, then take bottle of wine to bathroom lock door soak in lots of luverly bubbles whilst sipping wine and relaxxxxx.
To be able to love your life you must first love yourself

 

[Bebo321]

hi all...not sure what im posting for really, but here goes. ive been type 1 for almost 30 years since age 11. ive never denied this and always taken care of myself. in the last 5 or 6 years, ive got divorced, remarried, gained 2 stone, bought my own home so got another 23 years mortgage, husband lost his job so I started my own business and employed him, difficult children who are now teenagers (hardest job in the world!), mum has moved in with me due to ill health and is doing my head in!....and im tired! all the time. oh and last year I had a total hysterectomy as my diabetes became really different at certain times of the month (sorry to the guys who are reading this! ). thing is, I haven't got time now to look after myself, attend appointments etc. I hope to do the dafne course next month with the hope of getting a pump but realistically, im finding everything so bloody hard. I feel, for the first time, that im too sick to work, but if I don't. ...I have my children, my mum, my house and of course my husbands employment to consider. ...I think I may have had a breakdown and just feeling at breaking point. im exhausted, fat and incredibly stressed out. ...thanks for listening to me moan.

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If you feel like talking out some of your feelings, why not share with others and join the #gbdoc tweet chat on Wednesday evening which will be on the topic of diabetes and depression. www.gbdoc.co.uk
You are not alone.x

 

[calamitygayn]

Thankyou. I'd like that, if I remember..I do feel very alone tho. ty x

 

[Robinredbreast]

hi all...not sure what im posting for really, but here goes. ive been type 1 for almost 30 years since age 11. ive never denied this and always taken care of myself. in the last 5 or 6 years, ive got divorced, remarried, gained 2 stone, bought my own home so got another 23 years mortgage, husband lost his job so I started my own business and employed him, difficult children who are now teenagers (hardest job in the world!), mum has moved in with me due to ill health and is doing my head in!....and im tired! all the time. oh and last year I had a total hysterectomy as my diabetes became really different at certain times of the month (sorry to the guys who are reading this! ). thing is, I haven't got time now to look after myself, attend appointments etc. I hope to do the dafne course next month with the hope of getting a pump but realistically, im finding everything so bloody hard. I feel, for the first time, that im too sick to work, but if I don't. ...I have my children, my mum, my house and of course my husbands employment to consider. ...I think I may have had a breakdown and just feeling at breaking point. im exhausted, fat and incredibly stressed out. ...thanks for listening to me moan.

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Oh what a rotten time you have been having, I'm so sorry. I have a really rotten year and its been pretty bad at times, but no husband/s though,and I really do sympathise with you..

Life is just horrible at times and you have had such a lot put on you, it can then become such a up hill struggle to cope . I do wish you more better times ahead. Take good care.

I WISH YOU ALL THE COLOURS OF THE RAINBOW.......................................EXCEPT BLUE X

 

[zebs]

I feel tired just reading your post. But I am burnt out from work and am off sick. I slept most of the first 3 weeks and is now 2 months after and just starting to get energy back and sugars back to normal. I appreciate that ur situation is infinitely more complicated but sounds like u are spreading yourself too thin. Is there any chance u can take a few weeks off work and get more help from someone else for your mum. You are entitled to a carers assessment if you are a full time carer. Refer yourself through your council contact centre for social services. They maybe able to access free help for you or free counselling. I am having counselling over the phone and is helping me to sort out my priorities. Good luck with it all