Feeling Miffed

[masonbason63]

I've had clinical depression for 36 yrs very badly at times but more stable over the last 4 yrs, even though I suffered ive always been very positive and go lucky type of guy to hide the upset. I feel that i'm on my own with my health though the only time I get any support is when i'm hypo (not often), and that's from my young daughter (16) I've been with my wife 24 yrs married 22 and I don't think she's ever paid any interest in my type 1, I wont give all the details ill be here forever, but she couldn't do anything with a pump like bolus or put in a temporary basal rate or even tested my blood, she's just not interested.

When I told her about my next pump there was just a really disspondant Oh! its just as if its your issue deal with it, it really is a depressing issue for me as although I deal with my Type 1 some support would be nice Ive got you guys and the clinic I suppose that should be ample but loved ones are important especially on something like this.

My question is how do I go about educating my loved ones without scaring them and making it seem a chore

 

[Brunneria]

I'm sorry. You are definitely not alone in this. Andy12345 said he found the same thing, I think. And there are many people whose partners either can't or won't show an interest.

Is she supportive in other ways? With your daughter, or the depression?

 

[masonbason63]

I'm sorry. You are definitely not alone in this. Andy12345 said he found the same thing, I think. And there are many people whose partners either can't or won't show an interest.

Is she supportive in other ways? With your daughter, or the depression?

HI Brunneria, yes she's totally supportive to me and my daughter but not to my health its as if its all a burden for her for some reason

 

[Daibell]

Hi and welcome. Have you sought any help for the depression? I do volunteer work for Mind, the mental health charity, and the local branch may well be able to help. I wonder whether your wife just lumps the diabetes in with the depression and can't/won't cope with the totality of it? All I can say is that this forum has a large number of contributors and you are amongst people who do understand the implications of diabetes and can provide support in various ways. I'm lucky that my wife does support me but I know there are others who don't have that.

 

[Pipp]

I've had clinical depression for 36 yrs very badly at times but more stable over the last 4 yrs, even though I suffered ive always been very positive and go lucky type of guy to hide the upset. I feel that i'm on my own with my health though the only time I get any support is when i'm hypo (not often), and that's from my young daughter (16) I've been with my wife 24 yrs married 22 and I don't think she's ever paid any interest in my type 1, I wont give all the details ill be here forever, but she couldn't do anything with a pump like bolus or put in a temporary basal rate or even tested my blood, she's just not interested.

When I told her about my next pump there was just a really disspondant Oh! its just as if its your issue deal with it, it really is a depressing issue for me as although I deal with my Type 1 some support would be nice Ive got you guys and the clinic I suppose that should be ample but loved ones are important especially on something like this.

My question is how do I go about educating my loved ones without scaring them and making it seem a chore

My nearest and dearest don't always show interest in some aspects of my life. Probably because it suits me to not always tell everything.

Is it possible that your 'happy go lucky, hide the upset' attitude is deceiving them into believing everything is ok, or that you do not need their support? Maybe it scares them when you hypo.

How about telling them that you really need their support and assistance in dealing with your worries? That is what I do when something is bothering me.

 

[masonbason63]

Hi and welcome. Have you sought any help for the depression? I do volunteer work for Mind, the mental health charity, and the local branch may well be able to help. I wonder whether your wife just lumps the diabetes in with the depression and can't/won't cope with the totality of it? All I can say is that this forum has a large number of contributors and you are amongst people who do understand the implications of diabetes and can provide support in various ways. I'm lucky that my wife does support me but I know there are others who don't have that.

Yep Ive had most types of counselling from psyc's, cbt , one 2 one, groups, mind, private counselling and spent time in hospitals as well, I have a concoction of meds now and just get by, i've found the forum invaluable over the last couple of years. I think what you've said my wife lumps all the illnesses together is right I still join in with everything and we do have a giggle so its not as if I don't get involved

 

[masonbason63]

My nearest and dearest don't always show interest in some aspects of my life. Probably because it suits me to not always tell everything.

Is it possible that your 'happy go lucky, hide the upset' attitude is deceiving them into believing everything is ok, or that you do not need their support? Maybe it scares them when you hypo.

How about telling them that you really need their support and assistance in dealing with your worries? That is what I do when something is bothering me.

hmmm I think your possible right there

 

[AndBreathe]

I've had clinical depression for 36 yrs very badly at times but more stable over the last 4 yrs, even though I suffered ive always been very positive and go lucky type of guy to hide the upset. I feel that i'm on my own with my health though the only time I get any support is when i'm hypo (not often), and that's from my young daughter (16) I've been with my wife 24 yrs married 22 and I don't think she's ever paid any interest in my type 1, I wont give all the details ill be here forever, but she couldn't do anything with a pump like bolus or put in a temporary basal rate or even tested my blood, she's just not interested.

When I told her about my next pump there was just a really disspondant Oh! its just as if its your issue deal with it, it really is a depressing issue for me as although I deal with my Type 1 some support would be nice Ive got you guys and the clinic I suppose that should be ample but loved ones are important especially on something like this.

My question is how do I go about educating my loved ones without scaring them and making it seem a chore

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit down at a time when your excitement should be rising about your new pump.

I'd suggest that some of what you describe is almost her own denial and fea coming to the surface. She could find the prospect of being responsible for dialing something into your pump in a crisis to be just too overwhelming and terrifying.

I know these discussions can be very hard, but perhaps your new pump is the ideal opportunity to open a discussion with her again about all of this and try to work out a way she could become a little more comfortable around it.

It's easy to say, "Oh, I'd definitely want to know all about it", but the reality is any one of us could be just like MrsMB. Well, apart from me that is, because I would find any buttons, dials and sliders on your pump to be just too seductive to leave along, being a bit of a gadget girl at heart.

Stick with it, because it seems like this is just a part of an otherwise caring and functional relationship many would love to have, and indeed you also seem to value.

 

[masonbason63]

Such kind words AndBreathe I'm hoping that I can do something like with whilst on the dummy pump with saline at least they can't hypo/hyper me into oblivion

 

[AndBreathe]

Such kind words AndBreathe I'm hoping that I can do something like with whilst on the dummy pump with saline at least they can't hypo/hyper me into oblivion

Could she, or your daughter wear it for a day (obviously with just saline in it!!!)? Maybe your daughter first, then your wife might not want to be left out? There's nothing quite like walking a mile in someone else's shoes to garner some level of understanding.

I can't imagine always having something attached to me, but I sure as heck know I'd Get used to it pretty darned quickly if I had to!

 

[noblehead]

@masonbason63, have you always just got on with managing your diabetes yourself and never really involved your good lady?

The reason I ask is I don't involve my wife in my management and she very rarely mentions my diabetes, but this is how I've always wanted it to be as I've never wanted diabetes to be problem between us (rightly or wrongly), you could invite her along when you go to your next pump clinic appointment and get her involved to show her how you have to deal with things on a day-to-day basis.

 

[masonbason63]

Could she, or your daughter wear it for a day (obviously with just saline in it!!!)? Maybe your daughter first, then your wife might not want to be left out? There's nothing quite like walking a mile in someone else's shoes to garner some level of understanding.

I can't imagine always having something attached to me, but I sure as heck know I'd Get used to it pretty darned quickly if I had to!

Never thought of that but one major problem wife, son, and daughter are real needle phobs I could get them a small needle and try asking them there is blackmail as well I suppose as a last resort

 

[masonbason63]

@masonbason63, have you always just got on with managing your diabetes yourself and never really involved your good lady?

The reason I ask is I don't involve my wife in my management and she very rarely mentions my diabetes, but this is how I've always wanted it to be as I've never wanted diabetes to be problem between us (rightly or wrongly), you could invite her along when you go to your next pump clinic appointment and get her involved to show her how you have to deal with things on a day-to-day basis.

Yes I've never really involved her "I'm the stiff upper lip type I can manage everything " but it just ain't working for me anymore I do need some interaction just a bit of interest would be good so I suppose I'm to blame somewhat

 

[noblehead]

Yes I've never really involved her "I'm the stiff upper lip type I can manage everything " but it just ain't working for me anymore I do need some interaction just a bit of interest would be good so I suppose I'm to blame somewhat

I did think this was the case as many of us are like this when it comes to managing our diabetes. Maybe have a chat one night whilst the kids are out and tell her how your feeling at the moment and that you want her to be become involved with your diabetes, ask if she'll go along to your next appointment and see how it goes from there.

 

[Pipp]

I did think this was the case as many of us are like this when it comes to managing our diabetes. Maybe have a chat one night whilst the kids are out and tell her how your feeling at the moment and that you want her to be become involved with your diabetes, ask if she'll go along to your next appointment and see how it goes from there.

This makes so much sense.
I am often guilty of keeping up appearances and not burdening nearest and dearest with worries. Probably because I don't want them to worry too. Then it is not fair to say they are not interested if they don't even know because I am wearing the painted smile.