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My mother is closed minded to my condition sometimes...

C

Catsymoo

Well-Known Member
Messages
301
Location
Portsmouth, United Kingdom
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Having diabetes
Hi all, this is something I'm not sure anyone else has experienced.. My mother is a nice person but she can be really judgemental and sometimes I feel she doesn't understand the struggles of being diabetic unless she's talking about my condition to someone else and looking for special treatment.

For example, if I get treated unfairly at work or by a stranger, she expects them to be well educated on diabetes and tells me to fight tooth and nail and get special treatment.

However, if it's a thing I'm struggling with because of my diabetes, like trying to lose weight on 30/70 insulin, or telling her I can't eat a particular food, then suddenly I become like any other person and I'm not allowed any other allowances. Tonight she asked if I wanted pasta for dinner since she's cooking, and I politely said, "I really can't eat pasta, it makes my sugar spike really badly." (Seriously, since giving up pasta, my levels have gone down by about 40% overall). She then proceeded to call me fussy and ridiculous, and started to really have a go at me.

I'm really hurt by this, if I was on basal bolus I could probably eat it, but 30/70 just doesn't give me enough coverage for large portions of carb heavy food. (Which I'm fine with as I prefer smaller meals). What can I tell her without sounding like a whiny hypochondriac? Whenever I have any health problems she always assumes "there's nothing wrong with you for god sake". I can't talk to her about anything like that. She even has a health problem herself and I feel she should be more understanding than, "there's a diabetic at work and he's fine".

Is he fine? Does he tell you all about his levels and problems? No, because she doesn't live with him!
 
Could you try phrasing it as something your doctor has told you? Eg "Sorry, Mum. That sounds nice but my doctor has told me I'm not to have pasta, I'm afraid" That kind of thing. If she carries on saying you're fussing, you coukd just repeat it's doctor's orders.

I don't know if that'd work, but it's not too confrontational.
 
Hi Catsymoo, I have a similar problem, but not with my mother, but my son. I regularly collect my grandson from nursery and look after him until my son and daughter-in-law come home from work. I occasionally get an email from him saying he and my grandson have made cup cakes and to help myself. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. How many more times have I got to remind him that I'm diabetic, on mixed insulin and can't cope with sugary treats. I know he means well, but he really doesn't understand the restrictions I have, but on the other hand, why should he, he's not diabetic. Even my daughter-in-law, who's a midwife quite often offers me a chocolate biscuit or a slice of cake!!!!

I've come to the conclusion that in general, non diabetics really don't understand what we all have to cope with. There are of course exceptions to the rule. I've read a lot about how much partners understand and support their other diabetic halves, so I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush. I try to educate my family, but I think I'm on a hiding to nothing.

I think Azure's suggestion is good and perhaps you should try it. Best of luck.
 
azure said:
Could you try phrasing it as something your doctor has told you? Eg "Sorry, Mum. That sounds nice but my doctor has told me I'm not to have pasta, I'm afraid" That kind of thing. If she carries on saying you're fussing, you coukd just repeat it's doctor's orders.

I don't know if that'd work, but it's not too confrontational.
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Phrasing it like that works for me.
 
If you are a young child I can understand your dilemma; however, if not, you need to speak up for yourself and be strong!! You are your own boss, and you know what you need to do and eat.....If family members are trying to give you the wrong food, just say NO! I can't have it......That's it in a nut shell.....
I have never cooked myself (A fried egg maybe), but now I have changed and I do all my own cooking.....You should see my cauliflower mash.....first time was a disaster :-) But now.....better than potato mash.....

Cook for yourself......That way you know what goes in your food.....
Be good, be strong, and be healthy xxxx
 
Phrasing it like @azure has worked for me too. Although I haven't lived with my mum for a very long time.... I used to feel awful on her visits to us. For the first time in 30 years I have had a meet up with us instead of staying with us...it was hard, and still a little angst but nothing compared to previous visits. I used different wording but said te same sort of thing ie Just come off pump, back to MDI and my hubby would not be taking time off on his precious holidays to cook for them... Etc. It was tough to say it. However, this is a new start for me not being under my Mums control at 50+ years old.
I should have done it a long time ago.
 
Been there!!! And still Am. Ages ago there was a wee thread about it. For me my mum feels it's her fault and often tell me I'll never find anyone and I am rubbish. It's her problems not mine so I learnt to live without her diabetes wise it's sad but I find parents sometimes only sometimes take the diagnose a lot harder than the diagnosed person
 
I have the same problem with my mother! She doesn't understand, she does try and then she says things like "do you have to do that now/here" while I'm injecting my insulin. I'm really trying hard with my portion/carb control, I don't live with my parents, and went home this weekend for a family BBQ she loaded my plate with everything! When I said no I was described as ungrateful, and asked why I can't be like everyone else? To top it off she has survived cancer, and therefore no one will ever be as 'sick' as her! Although we are glad, it's an on going joke between me and my brothers that you'll have to be dead before you can out 'drama' my mum
 
I have a similar problem with my mum, she's a great cook and always puts on a good spread. My little niece is a celiac so if she's coming for dinner my mum will push the boat out and cook everything gluten free. However...when it comes to having me over for dinner I don't get the same kind of courtesy...after a good roast she will load the table up with lemon meringue pie, strawberry pavlova AND bread pudding :eek: makes me feel rough just looking at it...and then moans at me telling me how much trouble she's gone to when I politely decline. I can't really blame her for not understanding as I was diagnosed a long time after leaving home so she's never had to know but you'd think after 15 years of my being a type 1 diabetic that she might have figured it out by now:mad:
 
I can't believe people have problems with their families and diabetes. They are the people that should understand your condition......:(
I've said it before....you are your own boss!! And I have taken my injection on a trains, planes, and boats....you name it I have taken it wherever I've needed it....Nobody has questioned it....If they do...then "£$%%^ them!! :-)
 
torhunter20 said:
I have the same problem with my mother! She doesn't understand, she does try and then she says things like "do you have to do that now/here" while I'm injecting my insulin. I'm really trying hard with my portion/carb control, I don't live with my parents, and went home this weekend for a family BBQ she loaded my plate with everything! When I said no I was described as ungrateful, and asked why I can't be like everyone else? To top it off she has survived cancer, and therefore no one will ever be as 'sick' as her! Although we are glad, it's an on going joke between me and my brothers that you'll have to be dead before you can out 'drama' my mum
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Wow my gran was like that. I just got into a habit of seeing her when it was good time. Is that possible I wonder?
 
Fayefaye1429 said:
Wow my gran was like that. I just got into a habit of seeing her when it was good time. Is that possible I wonder?
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I don't care! I make a point of doing it in front of her now, she'll just have to deal with it, that's my life! But, also it gives my dad a good laugh!
 
@Fayefaye1429 I don't think it's just the mums (We Love (ed) them more than anything in the world)....I think it's people in general.....nobody understands like we do.....because we learn about our condition and they don't......We must educate them like we educated ourselves ......For an example....I had to teach my mother how to use a remote control, bless her xxx :-) Be patient, but be strong.......
 
I also want to add....It's our mums that had to, or have to look after us....the fathers go to work and don't see the (No disrespect to them) problems of diabetes...This was in the past....today I don't know?? Maybe fathers have a bigger roll in family life now?
Anyhow, today, even though I love my sister and brothers family (Nice's and nephews) I don't expect them to understand what food or medication I need......This is kind of related to the OP post.....They just don't know!! And sometimes we don't know too :-)
Live long a prosper xxxxx
 
Yes, my mum's a major PIA about my diabetes and I've had it for 48 years now! There is some weird thing going on in her head that I am some kind of "credit" to HER as long as I am "the perfect diabetic" (i.e. Perfectly well controlled) while simultaneously being no trouble at all to her, requiring no special treatment, etc. Basically, what I have to remember is that she's the star of my show. I only exist to show her in a good light. If you are old enough and working, I would advise you to leave home. If she is not going to cook food suitable for you, and you are not willing to take over the cooking for the family, that is. The fact is that mothers are not mainly saintly, loving figures. They are faulty human beings like any other. Sometimes it is better not to be in their hands.
 
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