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Adjusting Social Settings

Artisticforge

Artisticforge

BANNED
Messages
12
Location
Earth
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Being broken & Damaged. Doctors with Egos. Turkey the country, communist, socialist, terrorist, Adobe flash, Microsoft products, social media, pseudoscience cures,
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I enjoyed the holidays with friends and my BGs went up for a day or so and I survived.
 
GM I have posted this before and this is a genuine thought,Do Not Let It Rule Your Life
 
Hello Artisticforge! I was admitted to hospital when I was diagnosed, with BG level of 40something and on insulin and fluid drip for 5 days. I then went on a weekend city break about 2 and a half weeks later. To be honest, I was absolutely knackered!! But just fitted in some extra naps :) I followed my nurses advice and took less insulin on days we were walking and had a hypo treatment on me just in case. My bg levels were high for the weekend, and only once was I concerned that they were too high - I wasn't allowed to correct my doses at that point, so we went for a walk instead, to bring them down naturally. I stuck to similar foods, or those I knew were similar in carbs (eg a toastie for lunch, where I would normally have a sandwich) I had a really good weekend!

It is really hard to adjust to normal life after being diagnosed, especially when friends/family don't understand what it's like. My advice would be to talk to your friends about it. You do not need diabetic friendly food when at dinner or on holiday, as long as you know what carbs you are eating. Have you to eat a set number of carbs with each meal? What has your diabetes team advised you do?

I went through a period where I felt like diabetes was taking over my life, but that passes and it really doesn't - things do get easier and will start to feel a bit more normal. I promise you will get there. Try not to block your friends out - they will probably want to know about your condition and how you're feeling about it, but unsure how to ask. Open up and I think you will be pleasantly surprised. I hope you go on your annual holiday and have a great time :)
 
Artisticforge said:
Hello;

I find that social settings have become an issue. Friends that I went out to dinner with frequently are asking why I did not show up last Friday.
Holiday Plans are being discussed all ready. I have told them to plan the holidays without me. I am not going to make friends "jump through" hoops making the holiday meals "diabetic friendly". They are not understanding it. If you wish to share how you managed the first holiday season after being told you are diabetic I would appreciate it. I specifically do mean the 1st holiday season after you were diabetic. Please not how you manage the Holidays years after being told you were diabetic.
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MrB and myself have quite a sociable life, and we enjoy dining with others. One of MrB's businesses, before he largely retired, was as a restaurateur, so you can understand what his initial reaction was?

However.

I made a few early decisions that I have stuck with. Those decisions were that:

I wasn't going to make any big announcement about my diabetes. I have told a few close friends, but others in wider circles have any need to know; any more than they need to know if I have dandruff or an irritating rash in an armpit. it's none of their business, and as I don't take any medication, there is very little danger I would have any diabetes related health incidents in their company.

Secondly, I decided I would never, ever refuse an invitation on the basis of diet or eating. That was based on the fact that I have to fit with the world, not the other way around. In the 23 months I have been diagnosed, I have never been anywhere I have not been able to eat something. I haven't always had my preferred food available, but I have been able to eat, with compromises. Those compromises might be eating a burger, but ignoring the bun, or just not eating chips. The trickiest options I found were Italian, where only pasta dishes were available, but I still managed to have the bolognese, but side step the pasta.

If anyone comments on my lack or burger bun, or sauce, but no pasta, then I tell them I have found I function much better if I really limit the carbs I eat. That is absolutely the truth. It isn't a lie.

On the odd time when I have gone out to eat, with some trepidation, I have made sure I haven't ended up getting to the table with hunger levels meaning I want to eat the table legs. I might have some cheese or a few peanuts before I go out, then I can at least keep my cool whilst i decide what I'm going to eat.

I've done all sorts since diagnosis, and for those few people who know I was diagnosed, if they ask what they can cook for me, I always just say that provided there are vegetables or salad, I'll be fine, so to compose their menu in the usual way.

I would urge you to reconsider your current stance on the holidays. I tackled Thanksgiving, hosted by Americans, about 6 weeks after diagnosis and had a great time. Don't cut yourself off from your family and friends. That's verging on punishing yourself, and really it's not necessary.

Good luck with it all.
 
Diagnosed January and holiday in Canada in February 30+ years ago.

Depends where holidays are or whether inclusive etc but you just select meals that suit you...

As for going out.. I went out last week for meal with friends..just to a brewers fayre but just asked if I could have the cheese starter with double salad for a main meal instead... Whilst they ate their carb laden I was quite happy eating my starter with double salad

Quite often if I'm out I would first look at the vege meals rather than the others.

I would not feel ashamed of asking just for a salad or just veg and meat...

Please don't let it change you.. You can still enjoy meals out and holidays.

Also most pubs and restaurants have their menu's online-so check them out and phone them if necessary.
 
I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to open up and discuss your new diagnosis with friends if they haven't been there in the past. Unfortunately, some people don't want to know about diabetes and although I find that difficult in company when I need to inject (I don't think I should have to justify my injections every time I eat, nor will I inject in a bathroom), people are allowed and entitled to not be interested in our condition - it is ours and not theirs. I speak to my friends who care and ask about my condition and treatment and try to remember that there are a number of reasons why other friends might have an issue with me discussing it or injecting in front of them (eg. phobia of needles, drug user in family, reminded of their own mortality? Or maybe just sick of hearing about it lol). What about eating out with your daughters before eating with friends? If you know they are supportive, they can help build your confidence in a social situation and maybe an alternative to opening up to your friends? Also, well done on eating out on your own, it can be a really daunting experience the first couple of times.

Can I ask if you're t1 or t2? I realise that my earlier post assumed you can eat any carbs as long as you know their value (I am t1 so inject for my carbs). Also, what advice have your diabetic team given you?

That is one thing I love about animals too, it doesn't matter how you look or what else is going on in your life, they don't avoid you and give comfort and love. Although I do think they pick up on mood and can be more affectionate at times when you need it (especially cats and dogs). I bought 2 hamsters a few weeks before diagnosis as my partner works away and it can sometimes get lonely. It's nice to have something to come home to that you are responsible for.

I still hope you will go on your annual holiday with your friends, it might just take a bit of time until you're ready and comfortable to go :)
 
Artisticforge said:
Hello

I can only go by what has happened in the past.
None of the current friends came to any of the hospitals I was in after the head-on-collision.
The 2 yrs I spent learning how to walk again, they never came by to take me out for coffee.
My lawyers would stop by at least once a week to take me out for dinner.
My daughters would come by on the weekends & take me to the indoor mall so I could roll around in the wheelchair
And not have to deal with frozen hands from the snow & salt mix. They would push me around in the stores.

Unlike you I have all ready turned done invitations because I am still trying to sort this all out.

So for now I am not going out with the friends. I go out by myself and sit & chat with the restaurant staff I have known for years.
Last night I just sat drinking ice water. Came home and played with the dogs.
The dogs do not judge me.
The 2 girl shin tzu just give so much love and ask for love in return. They just want belly rubs.
Harley, is old like me, he is 11 yrs old with a very nice gray muzzle. Harley, stills play catch on the good days.
Harley, is starting to slow down. His legs bother him at times.
I let him ride in the small transport wheelchair.
That is about it.
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Devil's Advocate calling here!

You say you will never give in to your diabetes diagnosis, then in the next breath, you are declining invitations to be with friends, which I am assuming would be your usual place to be at Thanksgiving and the festive period? But surely, by declining the invitation, you are acknowledging diabetes is winning, not you?

As I said elsewhere, my approach to diabetes is like looking after a troublesome younger sibling. I don't have to like it, but I probably have to do it, because a sibling is a sibling for the whole of both our lives, and I'd rather make "him" live with me, under my terms, than allow "him" to change my character and determine my social life.

If it means I just don't bother with pecan pie or any other pretty non-diabetic friendly stuff, that's fine by me, but I still get to enjoy the location, people, atmosphere and there's always plenty to eat at these traditional meals. Roast turkey is ideal, with loads of veg, and a glass of red. If I'm desperate for something from the sweet trolley, I might choose cheese (but probably not), or have a small portion of fruit salad with cream.

When people see how much main course I can pack away they're never surprised if I decline a sweet course. I may only weight just over 100lbs, but I can pack away a lot of food, once I worked out what worked for me.

Go on,...... You know you want to. ;)
 
You are in charge of your diabetes, you mustn't let it control you. An occasional splurge is not going to adversely affect you if you are generally in control. Plus, it is, in most situations, easy enough to to make sensible choices whether it be to skip dessert or avoiding the carby main course (stick mainly to the meat and veg). You shouldn't let diabetes stop you from socialising from time to time. Don't shut your friends out. If you turn down enough invitations then you may find that the invitations stop and isolation and loneliness is a horrible thing. It's a cutting off your nose to spite your face situation. They may not understand but they wont get any understanding if you don't engage.
 
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