bit of a rant about MIL

[MrsMoose]

My MIL is Greek - therefore somewhat of a feeder shall we say. the stereotype is true! If you don't leave her house unable to fasten your jeans she thinks she's failed. Bizarrely, she forces food on everyone except her own daughter (37yo) who is twig thin and MIL has openly admitted she controls what daughter eats as much as possible.

I've been type 2 for about 18 months and am pretty rubbish at losing weight, I'll be honest. my bmi is 32.
MIL piles my plate with huge quantities of everything - meat, potatoes, pasta, sauces, roast veg drowning in oil etc you name it. When I don't clear the plate (which i never do) she nags me not to waste it and really goes all out on the guilt trip. Telling her she put too much out falls on deaf ears, as does saying stop when she's dishing up. Serving myself doesn't work as she puts more on my plate if she thinks I've not put enough on.
She wont have diet drinks in her house and i wont drink full sugar ones (i never did even before diagnosis)

She's invited us for dinner tonight as other family are visiting and here is the issue. Hubby just rang to say she's getting fish and chips from the takeaway.

I admit I have a little bit here. She knows I'm trying to lose weight and she knows I'm diabetic. I have told hubby I don't want to go as i don't want to eat takeaway. (she'll pile my plate with food, pull her face if I don't eat it all) I went to a 6am spin class this morning. I do not want to waste my sweat and tears.
I honestly think she sees my diabetes as imaginary or I'm making a fuss about nothing.

 

[SunnyExpat]

It's time to make a stand.
Go, don't eat food that you don't want to.
If she piles your plate up, scrape if off onto hers.
Take your own drink.
If she won't have them in her house, explain she won't have you then.
If she nags, walk outside.
If she doesn't respect your medical condition, she will have to learn to.

She'll keep bullying you until you stop her.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

If you don't leave her house unable to fasten your jeans she thinks she's failed.

This quote stood out to me. Maybe this is her way of trying to be a good hostess? It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to do this to hurt you. She may just not understand.

I love my mother to death and she's a wonderful person, but I have similar frustrations when I go to her house. She knows that I don’t eat many carbs, and bless her heart she always thinks of me when she cooks. However, if she makes something that has too many carbs that I choose not to eat, it makes her incredibly sad as if she’s failed me.

Last week, we went to a winery that also served food. She asked the server if there was any way for them to serve things without bread because I was a diabetic and "Couldn't" eat bread. It took every bit of me to not get mad at that, but I try to remember that she only means well when she does things like that.

My advice is to try to be optimistic about the situation and realize your MIL probably only means well.

 

[Squire Fulwood]

It'a pity that MIL has not heard of the buffet approach. Sometimes when I cook for a house full I leave it in the dishes in the kitchen and say, "Take what you want, eat what you take". Dishing up for other people always brings complaints like, "I don't like onion....that's too much ..........I haven't got enough cucumber..........." and one classic, "I don't like gravy, can you take it off".

MIL sounds like a lovely person who does not realise that you are ill and you are just going to give her a hug, thank her for being her and say you just can't eat some things any more even though they look lovely.

 

[Catlady19]

Oh dear, deep breath.... Why not take a salad and diet drinks with you and absolutely insist you cannot eat fish and chips. Or test yourself and her before and after eating to prove a point - perhaps show her pictures of what happens to people who don't control their bs (amputations and blindess)?

Obviously she means well but perhaps you need to show her that she is doing you harm?

Good luck!

 

[coxymk2]

You think she's bad I have an allergic reaction to any and all fish seafood. Have known about it since I was very young I am now 60 she would get annoyed with me because I wouldn't eat fish + chips very strange people mothers

 

[Squire Fulwood]

Addendum:: Your MIL sounds like a lovely person and can she cook for me sometime but she does also have the control freak gene. Her daughter is obviously being kept in a marriage mode. You are not so it's fatso time. Perhaps if you told her you were trying to get pregnant and you doctor has told you to lose weight ...........or whatever. Set yourself up so this fabulous Greek lady is working with you and not against you.

 

[MrsMoose]

some of these comments have really made me smile - the only time she didn't force feed me was in the run up to our wedding - her daughter is also single so you're spot on!!
oh good grief - maybe Fatso time is payback because we're not giving her grandchildren (our choice)
she did also make me salmon goujons recently. 12 years with her son and have always refused fish that isn't cod...

I need to stand up to her and ignore the sad face when i dont eat the entire box of maltesers she puts in front of me!
She is a typical Greek and yes, she thinks she's a bad hostess if she stops offering food even after an 18 course banquet.

She's very nutrition/heath savvy and worked in a lab til she retired when she then ran her own baking company. She knows all about glucose, sucrose, fructose etc etc. Probably more than i do! She's apparently writing a cookbook of cholesterol lowering recipes - I might suggest a diabetes friendly book, lol. Her reason for no diet drinks is because of what the sweeteners are made of (causes cancer?) as natural sugar is better (maybe for her, lol)

If she does the buffet thing, she goes round after 1st serving and puts more on your plate. There have been a couple of 'food on the table' incidents because I've moved my plate out of the way of incoming sausage rolls!

In honesty, my diabetes doesn't affect her so she doesn't consider it. She's not nasty or anything, just doesn't think.

oh well. best go get ready. I'll be back to let you know how i got on....

thanks all

 

[Squire Fulwood]

No, you are married and that's good enough for fatso time. I suggested the thing about pregnancy and your doctor saying you had to lose weight as a ploy. You may not plan to have children but MIL does not know that. Say you have to lose weight or adjust your food intake or something. If she runs a baking company she can't be too savvy about diabetes so confuse her a bit.

I mean your MIL no harm or disrespect since I think she sounds lovely but you have to survive in this relationship and she is your husbands mother so It's going to be a challenge.

 

[Brunneria]

Goodness, at different times of my life I would have responded to this in so many different ways... and I really don't think any of them would be wrong - but they would all lead to different consequences. If you see what I mean.

Now, in this decade, at this age, being who I am NOW with the knowledge I have NOW, I would stand up to her, politely and implacably.

She tries to control people with food?
Stand firm and reject that control.
Polite.
Friendly.
Absolutely non compromising.

'Oh, thank you Ma, hubby said you were having fish and chips, but being diabetic, I can't eat those or it will make me ill. so I have brought a (insert whatever) for me to eat.'

Then not one chip, or fragment of batter, or desert spoonful or biscuit can pass your lips.

Rejecting her food will send her into a complete spin.

There will be further games but the more control you give her, the more she will want to take. So every interaction (?skirmish?) sets the tone for the future. And it may be a lifetime campaign.

I just don't want to be controlled by people who are silly and selfish enough to not respect my future health.

But then, I really am a B!tch.

 

[MrsMoose]

Brunneria, not a ***** just a lot like me, lol

I ate said fish but picked off all the batter and left it/gave it to hubby. She and I shared a huge fish so I made sure and gave her a very big share of it, despite her protests! Shoe. Other foot.
Had not a single chip. Hubby asked her to make a salad and she did so I scoffed loads of that.
Hubby and BIL refused pudding so I didn't have to.

I even tested my bloods 1 1/2 hours after dinner, to make a point more than anything. She pretended not to notice as did BIL but hubby asked (7.8) and said he was proud of me so I hope she took notice of that.

She must be stalking me on here as this was very unusual for her!

Thanks for all the advice - I'll keep going with your suggestions. She won't change but maybe she'll stop trying to force feed me chocolate/bad stuff

 

[Brunneria]

Oooh! I am soooo proud of you!

Consider yourself hugged.