Head in the sand syndrome

[chocoholicnomore]

Hi all, I dip in and out of the forum regularly and kid myself on that I'm doing everything right.......who am I kidding!!

I've been type 2 for over 5 years now. Had good control in the beginning when the fear factor was there but it has gradually gone now. I know all the things I should be doing (could probably write a book lol) but just can't seem to get the willpower and motivation to do it. Also need to lose some weight too. A big birthday in July this year so I keep telling myself I need to get in shape for that and hoping it gives me inspiration......but it doesn't!
I think my main problem is snacking, in fact no my main problem is chocolate!!! I really do think I'm addicted to it. I keep trying to cut it down or cut it out but fail miserably. The canteen and vending machines at work would be running at a loss without me. I have the testing equipment and go through spells of testing, but only when I've been reasonably good. Because I feel fine then I think I am fine. However, after someone asked me today when I last tested I decided maybe it's time I did a random test........17.3!!! I wish I felt ill with those figures and it would maybe spur me on. It did give me a fright but I know by tomorrow I'll have forgotten about it. I always vow to be good but it never lasts.
Sorry for going on but not really sure what I want from on here. Probably reassurance that I'm not alone and hopefully some advice on how to combat things and change it around. I'm not depressed or comfort eating. I'm generally in a good place with life so really don't have any justifiable excuses. Ideally I'd like to buy some willpower and motivation from Amazon!
Is there anyone else out there with their head in the sand like me? Just plodding on, knowing I'm diabetic but insisting "it's only one - it can't do any harm".

Oh and I do buy the moser Roth bars from aldi......hide them in a cupboard......taking out one bar at a time.....and the whole packet is finished that evening.

My other half is brilliant and very supportive but he is really worried about my eating habits. When he mentions it I just laugh it off and insist I'm fine. I want to change for myself but also for him. He has enough stress at work without worrying about me as well.

Reading this back to myself I know I sound pathetic and probably just need a kick up the proverbial..........

But any help or advice or opinions or experience of feeling the same would be much appreciated.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I look forward to receiving your replies

 

[Diakat]

Not pathetic just human (and honest).

You know what you need to do, and people here can help. Try to stick to the dark choc rather than vending machine stuff. X

 

[Thyroiddiabetic]

I love chocolate and biscuits plenty sugar free ones available.
I know the struggle too well I used to buy the normal sugar stuff and the diabetics stuff and eat both I'm realy trying not to be stupid though I'm going to try harder this year

 

[Freema]

well you´ll regret big time if you grow blind or get ireversible neuropathy.. or worse

it is so sad that you haven´t taken it more seriously... but I guess many type 2 diabetics do have periods where they want a break from the condition.... but then it is important that the break is short and at the most for a couble of days...

maybe I myself will get periods like that in the future.. I hope not.. I´ll try to prevent it by having a few planned days off like my birthday , my daughters birthday and Christmas eve and a few other occacions summerholly days dinners and that´ll be all...

But I think it is important to have something to look forward to... it will probably be better if you only took 1 day off a month instead of all the days off for longer periods... consider this possibillity ... plan your sinning but make it short.. an don´t let it spread and let temptations be all over the place each and every day.

 

[KitSileya]

I am certainly not an expert, considering I've only been diagnosed for three weeks and change, but my doctor told me something similar to what Freema said. He said, "you are going to stumble. That's expected. We're only human. But try to plan some breaks into your diet, once a week. Allow yourself something you are not supposed to eat once a week, like we did when we were kids and we only got sweets on Saturday. When you manage that, try to work on it being a less and less serious breach of your diet."

I have done this so far, allowing myself a 40g packet of pringles every Saturday. I was always more of a salty snacks kind of girl, really. It's my safety valve. Another safety valve I have is something I discovered buying replacement sugar and flour for some breakfast recipes - it's a packet for a chocolate caramel mug cake made by Sukrin. Hardly any carbs, made for diabetics. I am betting that the chocolate craving will hit someday, since it's forbidden fruit. When I come home tired from work, and I don't want to make dinner, I tell myself, I can have the cake if I make dinner first. Then when I have eaten dinner, I no longer need a quick fix, as I am full from the dinner. And if one day I just cannot, cannot make dinner, I can make the mug cake and it won't be a serious stumble after all.

 

[daisyduck]

I used to love milk chocolate. After being on the LCHF diet for 6 months, and going cold turkey on the chocolate, I actually won a Thorntons easter egg. It sat there for a while and then hubby opened it and asked if I wanted a bit. I'd had a good day carbwise so I had a small piece.. and promptly spit it out. !! I couldn't believe how sickly greasy and sweet it tasted.! My tastes have totally changed and I love it. This "diet" is now my forever lifestyle.
I can't send you any willpower but if you google diabetic complications it might give you the shock needed.
Don't buy the naughties then you can't eat them. Put the money saved towards some new clothes.

 

[berylc]

Try to wean yourself onto high cocoa content chocolate. Start at 85% and head up the way. I'm now on 100% and one square lasts for ages as it has to be chewed and doesn't melt in my mouth. My daughter gave me an 85% bar in my Christmas parcel and it was so so sweet. I got my 100% cocoa from amazon, the only place I could find it. If you can't face 100% go to 90 or 95%
My chocolate lasts a while as my husband and rest of family don't eat it, they are still on normal chocolate, they don't know what they are missing.

 

[chocoholicnomore]

I used to love milk chocolate. After being on the LCHF diet for 6 months, and going cold turkey on the chocolate, I actually won a Thorntons easter egg. It sat there for a while and then hubby opened it and asked if I wanted a bit. I'd had a good day carbwise so I had a small piece.. and promptly spit it out. !! I couldn't believe how sickly greasy and sweet it tasted.! My tastes have totally changed and I love it. This "diet" is now my forever lifestyle.
I can't send you any willpower but if you google diabetic complications it might give you the shock needed.
Don't buy the naughties then you can't eat them. Put the money saved towards some new clothes.

That all sounds great in theory but I can't imagine ever spitting out chocolate. I really do admire what everyone on here can achieve. I have googled the complications in the past and read about them on here but I guess I'm in denial and believe that won't happen to me....... or I'll worry about it when it does. I go through determined phases and adamant that I can do it.......and then I fail miserably. I have gone without chocolate for a week before but it's always the simplest of excuses that makes me fall off the wagon........even just chocolate digestive being reduced to £1 in Asda! I buy yoghurts, nuts, fruit etc but I leave them in the fridge at work and head to the vending machine. Or I'll eat the yoghurt but it does nothing for me so I buy chocolate afterwards. I know I really need to change my way of thinking in order to succeed. I'm just hoping that talking on here to people who truly understand how I feel will help me.

 

[chocoholicnomore]

I am certainly not an expert, considering I've only been diagnosed for three weeks and change, but my doctor told me something similar to what Freema said. He said, "you are going to stumble. That's expected. We're only human. But try to plan some breaks into your diet, once a week. Allow yourself something you are not supposed to eat once a week, like we did when we were kids and we only got sweets on Saturday. When you manage that, try to work on it being a less and less serious breach of your diet."

I have done this so far, allowing myself a 40g packet of pringles every Saturday. I was always more of a salty snacks kind of girl, really. It's my safety valve. Another safety valve I have is something I discovered buying replacement sugar and flour for some breakfast recipes - it's a packet for a chocolate caramel mug cake made by Sukrin. Hardly any carbs, made for diabetics. I am betting that the chocolate craving will hit someday, since it's forbidden fruit. When I come home tired from work, and I don't want to make dinner, I tell myself, I can have the cake if I make dinner first. Then when I have eaten dinner, I no longer need a quick fix, as I am full from the dinner. And if one day I just cannot, cannot make dinner, I can make the mug cake and it won't be a serious stumble after all.

That's good advice from yourself and Freema. Thank you.

 

[dipsydo]

I do not have much will power but I have found Low carb reasonably easy, although with the odd blip.
Do try to go low carb but maybe not as hardcore,if you find it too difficult and see if you can low carb alternates .. for example lots of people on this forum seem to like the Lidl high protein roll ( I have not tried it ). The other advantage of low carb for some people ( including me) find that they are not so interested in sweet items , in fact when I do eat them I do not enjoy them as much as I used to so craving goes . I also do not find I am hungry. The other thing which has encouraged me is dropping in clothes size so I can find more things I like .. I give myself a little present (non food!)if I have done well in the week . If I fall off the wagon I try not to stress. As regards chocolate have you tried the really high chocolate content? Carbs are not so high and you might find you get the buz from a lot less chocolate.
If you have a testing kit you hopefully will get a bit of encouragement if you change you diet and your sugars fall
Good Luck

 

[MaxRebo001]

I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed 8 years ago, i tried to be good and eat what i was told but what I didn't know then was that what you are told is pretty much the worst thing you can do, that coupled with 3.5 years of hell on metformin I had had enough, I stopped all medication for a while or took it very haphazardly at best. I ate choocy, McDonald's, curries etc pretty much anything i fancied, occasionally I would be good for a few weeks and regain some degree of control, but ultimately i rebelled against the disease, my weight went back up to it's normal for me anyway 98-100kg.

I really didnt care about the disease and this went on for a good 3-4 years, moments of being good but ultimately I was a very bad diabetic. Then about a year ago my DN put me on bydureon and it made a big change for me, I still ate badly, but my levels did start to improve, my hba1c dropped from 86 to 71, yeah I know it's still pretty bad, but it still didn't stop me eating total rubbish the majority of the time. But things caught up with me..

I now have retinoipathy in both eyes, that progressed to macular edema which required some laser treatment in december, the at the start of january I started to get blurry vision due to the edema. Most mornings i'm lucky if i can read, it generally gets better as the day goes on, but there are days where it does not improve at all. I have to say it's the most scary thing i have experienced in my life, the thought of potentially loosing my sight has given me a few sleepless nights and my moods have been very dark.

I started low carbing on the 27th December, in that time my levels have dropped to between 5-6 pretty much at all times. My vision appears to be stabilising as well to the point where it's not anywhere near 100% but I have been able to read every day for the last week, to say i'm relieved is an understatement, but as yet I don't know how much better if at all my vision will be, I can only hope that as long as I remain in control, thhen my vision may return to what it was back in december, no guarantee though.

The really big issue with this disease is that you simply don't know what damage it is doing to you, if, like me you ignore testing and visits to the DN eat badly and have high blood sugar theres a good chance your going to experience some form of complication, I strongly recommend you try and avoid that as much as you possibly can. It's taken me the best part of 8 years to come to terms with the fact that i'm a diabetic and that I simply can't do or eat what I like. I got there eventually but I wish I had begun to take the disease seriously a long time before I finally did.

 

[chocoholicnomore]

Try to wean yourself onto high cocoa content chocolate. Start at 85% and head up the way. I'm now on 100% and one square lasts for ages as it has to be chewed and doesn't melt in my mouth. My daughter gave me an 85% bar in my Christmas parcel and it was so so sweet. I got my 100% cocoa from amazon, the only place I could find it. If you can't face 100% go to 90 or 95%
My chocolate lasts a while as my husband and rest of family don't eat it, they are still on normal chocolate, they don't know what they are missing.

Thanks berylc. I do eat the 85% chocolate, especially the aldi one, but I suppose I just keep thinking that normal chocolate is ok in small quantities.......except I struggle to stick to small. As for it lasting a while - to me an open bar is a finished bar!

 

[chocoholicnomore]

I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed 8 years ago, i tried to be good and eat what i was told but what I didn't know then was that what you are told is pretty much the worst thing you can do, that coupled with 3.5 years of hell on metformin I had had enough, I stopped all medication for a while or took it very haphazardly at best. I ate choocy, McDonald's, curries etc pretty much anything i fancied, occasionally I would be good for a few weeks and regain some degree of control, but ultimately i rebelled against the disease, my weight went back up to it's normal for me anyway 98-100kg.

I really didnt care about the disease and this went on for a good 3-4 years, moments of being good but ultimately I was a very bad diabetic. Then about a year ago my DN put me on bydureon and it made a big change for me, I still ate badly, but my levels did start to improve, my hba1c dropped from 86 to 71, yeah I know it's still pretty bad, but it still didn't stop me eating total rubbish the majority of the time. But things caught up with me..

I now have retinoipathy in both eyes, that progressed to macular edema which required some laser treatment in december, the at the start of january I started to get blurry vision due to the edema. Most mornings i'm lucky if i can read, it generally gets better as the day goes on, but there are days where it does not improve at all. I have to say it's the most scary thing i have experienced in my life, the thought of potentially loosing my sight has given me a few sleepless nights and my moods have been very dark.

I started low carbing on the 27th December, in that time my levels have dropped to between 5-6 pretty much at all times. My vision appears to be stabilising as well to the point where it's not anywhere near 100% but I have been able to read every day for the last week, to say i'm relieved is an understatement, but as yet I don't know how much better if at all my vision will be, I can only hope that as long as I remain in control, thhen my vision may return to what it was back in december, no guarantee though.

The really big issue with this disease is that you simply don't know what damage it is doing to you, if, like me you ignore testing and visits to the DN eat badly and have high blood sugar theres a good chance your going to experience some form of complication, I strongly recommend you try and avoid that as much as you possibly can. It's taken me the best part of 8 years to come to terms with the fact that i'm a diabetic and that I simply can't do or eat what I like. I got there eventually but I wish I had begun to take the disease seriously a long time before I finally did.

Thank you so so much maxrebo001 for sharing that with me. Reading your story has made me cry. I've always known the risk of complications but at the same time I always think I'm "getting away with it" so don't need to change. Obviously I know that's the wrong way of thinking but I do it anyway. I'm so glad that changing your diet and taking control has helped you. My last hba1c was 70 (down from 88) so on a par with you. But all my eye tests have been fine so again I think I'm doing alright.
I'm so glad you posted tonight. I'm so grateful and really appreciate it

 

[berylc]

Thanks berylc. I do eat the 85% chocolate, especially the aldi one, but I suppose I just keep thinking that normal chocolate is ok in small quantities.......except I struggle to stick to small. As for it lasting a while - to me an open bar is a finished bar!

If I do fall off the wagon, I always tell myself just one taste will be fine, but it never stops at one taste. Take one square, two if you really need more and then put the chocolate into a tin and on the top shelf of the cupboard, in a cupboard anywhere out of sight. Being on here and talking to others is like alcoholics anonymous, "Hi my name is berylc and I'm a chocoholic" Just think of how good you will feel in the future with your sight and feet in good condition! Not to mention your waistline Mine is getting better since I gave up pigging on at least 3 chocolate flakes in one sitting

 

[ladybird64]

Hello Ms M, long time no speak again xx Yes, this person certainly understands what you're going through, and for some of us it isn't quite so simple as threats of blindness and amputation, especially when we do try and take our diabetes seriously.
Since we spoke, I've put on a significant amount of weight, initially panicking and then making it worse by trying to low carb, tripping up, then a binge - rinse and repeat.
M, I think what may be beneficial to you in the short term is testing regularly again - it's harder to say "it won't happen to me", when your meter is telling you the truth. Take it one step at a time and you'll be ok, easier to sort the choc addiction when you're looking at the high numbers.

I've had to put the diabetes on the back burner for the time being, I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder illness and am in therapy.

Here if you need to vent

Angie xx

 

[MaxRebo001]

Thank you so so much maxrebo001 for sharing that with me. Reading your story has made me cry. I've always known the risk of complications but at the same time I always think I'm "getting away with it" so don't need to change. Obviously I know that's the wrong way of thinking but I do it anyway. I'm so glad that changing your diet and taking control has helped you. My last hba1c was 70 (down from 88) so on a par with you. But all my eye tests have been fine so again I think I'm doing alright.
I'm so glad you posted tonight. I'm so grateful and really appreciate it

Your welcome, it's quite cathartic to talk about it here, there a bit more to the story (there always is) I was never told anything was wrong with my eyes until October last year but I had been under a consultant for 18 months after being referred to him during a routine eye exam after the optician thought there was a bleed, the consultant told me there was nothing wrong but sent a letter to my GP saying i had retinopathy in January 2016, so I possibly could have changed things a year ago and avoided all this. But I have to be honest even if I was made aware I don't think it would have made any difference to my mindset, it took something to actually go wrong before I decided I had to change.

It's possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done, but for some reason i've never cared too deeply for my own health, crazy huh?

 

[chocoholicnomore]

Hello Ms M, long time no speak again xx Yes, this person certainly understands what you're going through, and for some of us it isn't quite so simple as threats of blindness and amputation, especially when we do try and take our diabetes seriously.
Since we spoke, I've put on a significant amount of weight, initially panicking and then making it worse by trying to low carb, tripping up, then a binge - rinse and repeat.
M, I think what may be beneficial to you in the short term is testing regularly again - it's harder to say "it won't happen to me", when your meter is telling you the truth. Take it one step at a time and you'll be ok, easier to sort the choc addiction when you're looking at the high numbers.

I've had to put the diabetes on the back burner for the time being, I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder illness and am in therapy.

Here if you need to vent

Angie xx

So good to hear from you A. I haven't seen any posts from you in ages. I'm pleased that something is finally being done for you and you're getting the therapy and support that you have badly needed for a long time.
Testing regularly is a great idea......so simple why didn't i think of it! I guess it's a case of not being able to see the woods from the trees lol. If my reading is high then no chocolate that day......simples

 

[chocoholicnomore]

Your welcome, it's quite cathartic to talk about it here, there a bit more to the story (there always is) I was never told anything was wrong with my eyes until October last year but I had been under a consultant for 18 months after being referred to him during a routine eye exam after the optician thought there was a bleed, the consultant told me there was nothing wrong but sent a letter to my GP saying i had retinopathy in January 2016, so I possibly could have changed things a year ago and avoided all this. But I have to be honest even if I was made aware I don't think it would have made any difference to my mindset, it took something to actually go wrong before I decided I had to change.

It's possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done, but for some reason i've never cared too deeply for my own health, crazy huh?

Your thinking is so like mine! I tend to think I'll worry about complications if or when they happen. I also tend to dismiss the diabetes as trivial. There's much more important things to worry about and a lot of people much worse off with much bigger health issues than mine. Plus most people on here seem to be doing it right and getting great results. I admire them but give up reading those types of posts as it will never happen to me........it's like reading about somebody winning the lottery lol

 

[miahara]

M, I think what may be beneficial to you in the short term is testing regularly again - it's harder to say "it won't happen to me", when your meter is telling you the truth. Take it one step at a time and you'll be ok, easier to sort the choc addiction when you're looking at the high numbers.

Angie xx

@chocoholicnomore , I think Angie has just about nailed it. You either grasp the nettle now or suffer the very probable consequences later .. next year or the year after or later. And by then there will be nothing gained by looking backing and thinking "I wish I'd .... ."
It's not easy, but as Angie has said - "one step at a time. Just be SMART - Small Attainable Tickable Targets, and do measure your progress as a little bit of positive feedback is a great incentive. The occasional sugary reward shouldn't be off the agenda and will taste all the sweeter.

 

[majnoon]

This is a very interesting post and have read all the comments with interest.99.9% of people on here know more about Type 2 than I do but perhaps I am lucky in the fact that my diabetes is diet controlled by me and that I am not on any medication,For many years I have been a one meal a day person and that is still the case with just a snack at mid day, I did lose a lot of weight when I was first diagnosed, I have of course cut out all the sweets, fizzy drinks and ice cream I use to eat, I am not on any carb diet, I am still eating the main meals I use to eat, my readings are average as such, my 30 day is 6.9 and I am working on that to get it lower.