My dad doesnt take his diabetes seriously please please help

[lucyJS]

i'm 16 and my dad is a 54 year old type 2 diabetic.

He had been diabetic for about 25 years and has never been very healthy and i am terrified the damage has allready been done and he is going to die young. He never checks his BS. His diet and level of exersize is getting worse and worse. Just tonight his dinner was a big fish and chips, cheesecake, ice cream and 2 or 3 cans of cider and this is a relitively average meal for him. He will often sit infrot of the tv and eat biscuit after biscuit after buscuit. It i catch him and tell him off he will shout at me and say "i'm hungry!" or "i'll have a hypo i NEED them!" I understand this but surely there is another way other than stuffing yourself with cake and biscuits on a regualr basis?!

My dad doesnt exersize and he needs to lose weight. Saying all this i know he is capable if he just changed his attitude got motivated and put some effort in. He isnt obese and could easily exersiz more often.

However he absolutely does not take his diabetes seriously and it make me so angry and definately effects our relationship. I feel like i'm nagging him but what else can i do?. I don't want to see him dying in 10 years time before i get married or have kids, it would break my heart.

If he doesnt want to do it for himself he could at least do it for his 12 year old son and me. We have recently lost my dear grandmother and it has been a real wake up call that he needs to sort himself out. I am sick of it all, sick of his hypos because he never checks his BS, sick of him not caring and me having to nag him. Right now he couldn't care less about his health and diabetes and i know he realises the effect its having on me. Hs father was diabetic and had a heart attack in the night at the age of 56 and i worry my dad may have one too if he doesnt do something!

Please help. Am i being unfair to him? Should i just leave him too it? Or if not what can i do ive tryed everything!?

 

[sugarless sue]

Hi Lucy and welcome to the forum.

You sound as if you have your hands full with you father. Has he seen a doctor or will he not go to see the doctor. He really needs some professional advice but.. whether he will listen to anyone is another matter.

Unfortunately he is the one in charge of his own destiny and health and, as difficult as it is for you, you can only try your best to change him. The driving force though must come from him.

Are there any other family members who he would listen to ?

 

[cugila]

Hi Lucy.
Welcome to the forum.

What you are doing is what you need to do.

I get the feeling that it is just the three of you ? Is your father perhaps depressed ? It does seem that he has gone into denial over this, perhaps because his control is not good.

As Sue has stated, it is in his hands, only he can make the decision to do something about it. With the best will in the world you cant make him do anything. You can just keep trying the gentle persuasion. It might strike a chord.

 

[Fujifilm]

Hi Lucy

Its a long shot but can you not get him to look at the forum? maybe if he starts reading the posts he may realise that he can help himself. Somtimes people get in a rut and think they know all there is to know about diabetes because "they have had it so long". You say your Dad has had it 25 years, things have changed so much over the years, is he aware of the changes? not just in the way its treated but thinking on diet etc.

Does he go for regular check ups with the doctor? if he has not had one for a while maybe its time he did and worth you nagging him to go for that.

Not sure what else you can do, the hardest thing to do is save a man from himself

 

[hanadr]

Lucy
I empathise with you.
It took my T1 husband about 30 years to take the diabetes seriously and not before he developed complications.Things might have been better if he'd had a better medical team, but in the end, It had to be up to him. It's taken some scares and some nasty hospital stays to put him on the straight and narrow.
You, especially as a young person, cannot make your Dad take care of himself. He has to come to it himself.
He probably won't take any advice from you, because you are his child and he's the one in authority.
Is there someone you can get to back you?
Your Mum? your GP? a family friend or a relative?
Hana

 

[lucyJS]

Hi thanks so so much for your replies. I had a chat with him tonight and said hes ready to change and e is going to start having a better diet and exersize more often. He said he has been eating healthily this week after i spoke to him and having apples and bananas and has lost 7 pounds...its a start

Sue - I do often tell him to see the doctor but he doesnt like to, he often gets really bad hand and foot cramps and i think he went about them but apart from that he doesnt really . My mum and him dont really get on so she doesnt involve herself and i have a little brother so its just me that trys to get him to do something about all this really. I cant think of anyone that he would listen to..

Cugila - I dont think he's depressed but i know he is unhappy about being diabetic and doesnt like to do his BP because it "reminds him about it" And i do think he is in denial, its like he lives and eats like a person without diabetes and doesnt take it into account.

Fujifilm - I think i will tell him about it i think it'll be a good idea because he doesnt read much about diabetes so it'll be good for him to see any changes and see how other people manage their diabetes. And yeah i think i'll defo get him to see a doctor because he never goes for check ups.

Hana - Thanks for the advice i think i'll get im to seea GP because i cant think of anyone else who would back me up and i know he'll listen to them

If he's really going to make this change and stick to it yo dont think its too late do you? :cry:
Thanks. xx

 

[cugila]

Hi Lucy.

Nothing is ever too late. He can make many changes to his lifestyle which will all contribute to getting his health back on track. I didn't turn my Diabetes round till I was 60, after 12 years of doing the wrong things. Take things one step at a time.

Never let him forget how bad you feel and how much you care.

We can help by giving you suggestions as to his diet, and many other things. Sometimes what you may think is a healthy diet, just isn't if you are a Diabetic.

 

[goji]

Hi Lucy

Sorry to hear about your dad. I can really empathise as my dad is the same, Type 2 and in total denial about his diabetes. It's not helped by the fact that his doctor and dietician seem to collude with his high-carb, low-fat diet, telling him that eating lots of cereal and high-carb fruit is really good for his health etc. My dad doesn't want to hear about it from me or the rest of my family and keeps telling us that 'the doctor knows best'.

I was wondering if you had thought about making an appointment to see your dad's GP yourself. The GP can't discuss your dad's situation with you as it's confidential, however they would be able to listen to your concerns about your dad and perhaps would take the information on board. Maybe if the GP is made aware, then they would be a bit more proactive and call your dad in for more education and regular monitoring.

As Cugila says, what's a healthy diet for normal people can be unhealthy for diabetics. Apples aren't too bad but bananas are very high in carbohydrates and are just as bad as biscuits for diabetics. If your dad has a sweet tooth, there are other snack options that might be better for your dad, like a handful of rasberries with fresh cream or some low carbohydrate desserts.

 

[hanadr]

Lucy,
It's never too late whilst you are alive
Have you thought of turning the exercise into a Dad and Lucy time?
Exercise alone can be boring.
I could be a gym session or a swim, but you'd have to consider the cost.
What is Free is walking.
Make a walk together into a pleasant time for the 2 of you. remember to walk briskly. Plan a route using Google Maps. Do you have a dog or could you "borrow" one to walk?
If you live near me[in Reading] I can lend a dog :lol: My 2 would love more walks.
Start wwith about 30 minutes walking and build up.
The right speed is if you just puff a little, but can still hold a conversation.
Hope that helps
Hana

 

[Fujifilm]

Hi Lucy

Like everyone else says, its never too late, its only too late when you are in your box. :lol:

The problem is you get used to feeling not well and that feeling actually becomes normal and you don't know any different because you forget what being well was like and the easy thing to blame is the diabetes.

Its not until you make the change that suddenly you realise how kack you have been, the problem is making the change.

You talking to him and getting him to make a start is excellent you have done really well, and as he starts to feel better you will probably find he takes more control. Keep encouraging him. I think you are star.
.

 

[ExD]

I agree about not knowing how unwell you feel and not realising it until you're better - I was the same before I had my hysterectomy, when it was over I couldn't believe how ill I'd been feeling.
My husband won't exercise either and refuses to come with me on walks or to the swimming pool, and I've given up trying. He is Type 2 and is also very overweight. He loves the LCHF meals I cook, but then goes out and buys himself pies and burgers and chocolate - he also eats bananas which he buys himself, as I've removed all cakes and biscuits and bananas and grapes from the house - not easy when there are young people in the household though.
The big problem with LCHF is that there's no room for cheating. Its quite a high calorie regime which is why you don't feel hungry, but your Dad has got used to snacking on biscuits and this is undoing anything he has gained from low carb-ing.
Your Mum sounds as though she's exasperated with him and that's why she's given up trying, she may be depressed about him too. Please don't feel bad about this.
You obviously love your Dad and are feeling desperate but do avoid being the diet maffia, it won't help. He needs encouragement not criticism.
I think you've started well by talking about it with him.
Does he have a meter to check his blood? GPs don't usually hand them out to type 2s.
They are quite cheap to buy but the testing strips are costly. I found that testing my own bloods and comparing them with his results got him interested to start with (the 'competition element I think) - could you bring yourself to test yourself alongside him? Once the first (actually surprisingly painless) finger jab is done it's easy (but you'll use up a lot of expensive test strips if you're both doing it).
That is just one idea, along with the dog walking and other activities already suggested on here, remember to him the owrd exercise is a swearword.. You and your Dad will soon be best buddies - but please avoid any sign of 'nagging' - that was my mistake and it made him sneaky about his extras.
Think positivly, give him encouragement - you are doing great.
Little steps.