Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes
- Thread starter Molly56
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Can sense that the cracks are beginning to show….have not been feeling well myself just lately…is probably down to stress and anxiety but have made an appointment with the doctor for Monday just to be sure…Apart from feeling tired a lot of the time my other main concern is my relationship with food…I just seem to be going through a phase where I am eating because I know I have to eat but when I do I can only eat small amounts and find it difficult to find any enjoyment in eating…
..my theory is that this is as a result of the food issues with his diabetes and that this is impacting on me in a negative way with my relationship with food…..but just want to check that there is no underlying medical condition that I have which would account for these symptoms….am probably worrying myself unnecessarily which doesn’t help but am anxious about there being something wrong with me.
It could also be down to the time of the year…the change in the weather…Christmas (not my favourite time of year
)….who knows…….I sometimes think that hedgehogs have the right idea by hibernating and waking up in the Spring…
Anyway will be home alone over the weekend so plenty of time to try to sort myself out….perhaps shopping for meals for one will give me an opportunity to address my food issues and indulging in something I really fancy…..
Mike d
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Sounds like time for hot bath, candles and gentle music. Pampering self time. Have a good weekend.
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@graj0 ....nice idea
.....have taken the opportunity to go out shopping though and cook meals for one....... have been able to choose the foods that I would like to eat which are perhaps not so diabetic friendly......without the feeling of guilt that I am eating them and he can't / shouldn't.....the prawn and avocado salad was I guess quite healthy but perhaps the raspberry roulade with lashings of cream was a bit naughty....Will have to address the issue of food as I think it is becoming a bit of a problem....as referred to in my earlier message ......but at least for the last couple of days I have been able to eat without the guilt and find some enjoyment in eating once again.....if only for the short term....
No harm in lashings of cream. Not my preference, been off the menu for so long I don't even think about it these days. All these years on low fat and now I'm told it's not so bad after all and my stomach can't cope with it. Typical! LOL
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Roulade and cream .. If it's double cream is good for me .. The lashings of cream seems to slow down the sugar rush .. Don't do no veggie foods or avocados... Do try again to get him eating to his meter .. You will be surprised what you can eat on a LCHF diet .. And feel good.
Or even on just a LC diet. It's not essential to replace carb calories with fat calories, although you can if you want.
there is a saying that you can lead a horse to water but cannot make his drink it
same with any person who refuses to do what they have been advised is the right thing to do
the only thing you can do is pay up their life insurance and wait alas
cold?
yes
so is their lack of regard to how you feel having to cope with their health complications
same with any person who refuses to do what they have been advised is the right thing to do
the only thing you can do is pay up their life insurance and wait alas
cold?
yes
so is their lack of regard to how you feel having to cope with their health complications
Well I must say that as a newcomer to this forum I am shocked at some of the negative replies to mollies dilemma.
I belong to quite a few forums and I've always found replies to be positive and very friendly.
Forums are there to support, advise when asked for it and also to be 'just someone who is there to listen' I can guarantee that just knowing you can write down your thoughts, and have a whinge just to release some anger and frustration, is a big help to someone, who like mollie is in a desperate situation at times.
None of us know what we would actually do in mollies position. It's very easy to say to leave him, kick him out, but would any of you actually do this if you were in a similar situation with your partner. Believe me, you don't know unless you're in that situation.
I'm in a similar position with my partner. Not diabetes related but serious all the the same. Not one of even my very close friends or family would even mention the idea of leaving him. Nobody has any rights to judge. Likewise I could not and would never make that suggestion to anyone. I sit and whinge about my partner and call him all the names under the sun at times. I'm sure a lot of us do at times when we get frustrated with them. I know my partner does exactly the same about me. It doesn't mean anything.
I've read on here of many sufferers who have been in denial/refusal to believe their diagnosis. Some have continued 'on the wrong path' for 10 or more years before they finally accept the situation and finally start looking for help. Even though they now have various illnesses for leaving it so long.
Do we judge them or criticise them. No, they're given praise and all the help they need to stay on that 'right path'.
Mollie, your oh sounds a very depressed and frightened man. I feel for you, I really do. This is hard for you too and it's no wonder your feeling unwell. When you see your GP you must tell him/her everything. Let him know that you need help. Surgeries all have counsellors that can and do really help. I think that until your oh finally admits it to himself he needs help, nothing you say or do is going to make him listen. Just as any addict, be it alcohol, drugs, smoking and even eating, they can't/won't stop until they want to.
We can choose to be strong and stay hoping that eventually they will realise what they're doing or we can leave. Only you can decide what is right for you. Meanwhile if you want to come on here and have a rant and a whinge then there will be people here for you.
There's also a saying 'that if you can't say anything nice, then say nothing at all'. After all no ones is forcing you to read the posts.
I belong to quite a few forums and I've always found replies to be positive and very friendly.
Forums are there to support, advise when asked for it and also to be 'just someone who is there to listen' I can guarantee that just knowing you can write down your thoughts, and have a whinge just to release some anger and frustration, is a big help to someone, who like mollie is in a desperate situation at times.
None of us know what we would actually do in mollies position. It's very easy to say to leave him, kick him out, but would any of you actually do this if you were in a similar situation with your partner. Believe me, you don't know unless you're in that situation.
I'm in a similar position with my partner. Not diabetes related but serious all the the same. Not one of even my very close friends or family would even mention the idea of leaving him. Nobody has any rights to judge. Likewise I could not and would never make that suggestion to anyone. I sit and whinge about my partner and call him all the names under the sun at times. I'm sure a lot of us do at times when we get frustrated with them. I know my partner does exactly the same about me. It doesn't mean anything.
I've read on here of many sufferers who have been in denial/refusal to believe their diagnosis. Some have continued 'on the wrong path' for 10 or more years before they finally accept the situation and finally start looking for help. Even though they now have various illnesses for leaving it so long.
Do we judge them or criticise them. No, they're given praise and all the help they need to stay on that 'right path'.
Mollie, your oh sounds a very depressed and frightened man. I feel for you, I really do. This is hard for you too and it's no wonder your feeling unwell. When you see your GP you must tell him/her everything. Let him know that you need help. Surgeries all have counsellors that can and do really help. I think that until your oh finally admits it to himself he needs help, nothing you say or do is going to make him listen. Just as any addict, be it alcohol, drugs, smoking and even eating, they can't/won't stop until they want to.
We can choose to be strong and stay hoping that eventually they will realise what they're doing or we can leave. Only you can decide what is right for you. Meanwhile if you want to come on here and have a rant and a whinge then there will be people here for you.
There's also a saying 'that if you can't say anything nice, then say nothing at all'. After all no ones is forcing you to read the posts.
The written word is a surprisingly poor method of communication, no visual XXXXX. (kew/queue spelling gone from my brain).
DeejayR
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Good morning, Molly
I like your last post -- it's quietly thoughtful, as if having some time alone has enabled you to get some perspective on your predicament. Also there are signs that you are beginning to enjoy yourself.
I hope you stay with us. As for the "trolls", they are a common hazard because apart from our diabetes, which itself takes many forms, we are all individual and wisdom often makes itself known in ways we don't like. Or that's what I try to tell myself.
I like your last post -- it's quietly thoughtful, as if having some time alone has enabled you to get some perspective on your predicament. Also there are signs that you are beginning to enjoy yourself.
I hope you stay with us. As for the "trolls", they are a common hazard because apart from our diabetes, which itself takes many forms, we are all individual and wisdom often makes itself known in ways we don't like. Or that's what I try to tell myself.
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@Pip16 ...thank you for your earlier message....
Just to update, I did see the doctor this morning and ran through what I thought were the reasons for me feeling the way that I do...he is quite good and is fully aware / knows the situation that I am in...he has suggested a blood test and another test just as a precautionary measure to check that there is nothing physically wrong but agrees that it is highly probable that it is stress related...best to check though...
As far as the counselling idea goes I am already on a list to see a counsellor....I checked with them at the end of last week and I am still on the list to be seen when one becomes available.....this is my preferred route for working out how to deal with this rather than anti-depressants which the doctor suggested again this morning and to which I was adamant I didn't want to go down that road....am sure that I can find other ways of dealing with this that are right for me.....
To add to this I did actually mention to my partner that I had been to the doctor this morning and that he was sending me for a blood test...didn't mention the other bits or go into any real detail...he does, I think, realise that it is partially down to him and the situation and the stress that it is causing me....he knows I am off my food etc and I made this clear when out shopping today by suggesting that I need to eat meals which I feel comfortable with.....I have got some smoked salmon parcels to go with a salad for myself tonight...am working on the theory of having a little of what I fancy, following on from my meals for one at the weekend in order to hopefully regain my appetite....
Don't know if any of the above will actually solve the situation but I guess every little helps....
Hi mollie. I'm sure these tests will be fine and it's the anxiety that's causing you to feel unwell. Good that your gp is arranging for tests to be done though just to be sure. Maybe he can also give the counsellor a nudge too...
I agree with you on the anti-depressants but maybe if your situation doesn't improve in a certain time then they might be worth thinking about. Just for a short time to give your mind a body a rest, but You sound a strong woman mollie.
I've been with my partner for nearly 20 years now. With luck I still will be in another 20 years.
Of course I still worry about what he's doing to his health but there are some things we just can't control. I've learnt to cope and not let things get me down anymore. You will too I'm sure.
Btw I read on one of your post your oh was on amitriptyline. I've been on this for many years now as a pain/symptom reliever for Ibs. It definitely makes me very tired and it's hard to wake myself up in the mornings even now. My partner is convinced it's caused a change in me since I've been on it. It seems to either make me worry way too much about stupid things or not worry at all about serious stuff. I guess that's the antidepressant in it. I've no idea how long your oh was taking this for but It would have been the cause of or not helped with his tiredness. If he's stopped taking it there are also some side effects when coming off so it's best to do this gradually. There's also some claims that it effects bg levels and mentions this in the leaflet. I did ask a gp about this when I was diagnosed but he dismissed it. But who knows.
Take care mollie x
I agree with you on the anti-depressants but maybe if your situation doesn't improve in a certain time then they might be worth thinking about. Just for a short time to give your mind a body a rest, but You sound a strong woman mollie.
I've been with my partner for nearly 20 years now. With luck I still will be in another 20 years.
Of course I still worry about what he's doing to his health but there are some things we just can't control. I've learnt to cope and not let things get me down anymore. You will too I'm sure.
Btw I read on one of your post your oh was on amitriptyline. I've been on this for many years now as a pain/symptom reliever for Ibs. It definitely makes me very tired and it's hard to wake myself up in the mornings even now. My partner is convinced it's caused a change in me since I've been on it. It seems to either make me worry way too much about stupid things or not worry at all about serious stuff. I guess that's the antidepressant in it. I've no idea how long your oh was taking this for but It would have been the cause of or not helped with his tiredness. If he's stopped taking it there are also some side effects when coming off so it's best to do this gradually. There's also some claims that it effects bg levels and mentions this in the leaflet. I did ask a gp about this when I was diagnosed but he dismissed it. But who knows.
Take care mollie x
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@Pip16 ....yes my partner was on Amitriptyline (for neuropathic pain) but has recently been changed to Duloxetine by the pain management clinic....we were advised to cut the amitriptyline down from three tablets to two for a week and then stop these and start the duloxetine.....am guessing that because they are probably similar medications that this minimised any withdrawal symptoms from the first one.
The change of medication has certainly proved beneficial so far in that he seems to feel less tired and a bit back to his old self.....I can understand your partners comments as I have seen for myself how a medication can change someone.....my partner was once given Indapamide and it caused a whole lot of problems ( will save that story for another day but basically he ended up having hallucinations and thought the character from Alien was lying in bed next to him.....not very flattering for me as I was in bed with him at the time...
)Anyway perhaps it is worth speaking to your GP to see if another medication would be better - it may be worth a try as I can see how it has helped here..
Wishing you all the best x
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He seems particularly tired again......will probably put that down to high sugar levels....was 16.0 the last time he tested a couple of days ago before dinner....perhaps a review of his diabetic medication is needed....seeing the nurse next week.....have got to find some way of bringing his levels down and perhaps stronger medication is now the answer....
.....will see how he is later and perhaps suggest testing again....it may at least explain why he is feeling the way he is....
...will probably put that down to high sugar levels....was 16.0 the last time he tested a couple of days ago before dinner....perhaps a review of his diabetic medication is needed....seeing the nurse next week.....have got to find some way of bringing his levels down and perhaps stronger medication is now the answer.........will see how he is later and perhaps suggest testing again....it may at least explain why he is feeling the way he is....
pavlosn
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Dear Molly
Other than to reassure you that OH's levels have not reached dangerously high levels, I am not sure what purpose taking the occasional pre dinner count serves.
We test before and after meals in order to educate ourselves about how that specific meal affects our levels so that we may take corrective action if necessary the next time we have the same meal.
Your OH is reluctant to test and then does not seem to make any use of the result.
It sounds as if the test only serves to confirm to him that all is futile and that it is all out of his hands. For whatever reason it does sound as if he has given up on himself.
You obviously have not given up on him, despite the personal toll this is extracting from you.
I hope he comes to appreciate this; for his sake more than yours.
You probably need to wait and see how the meeting with his nurse will go. At least you will get to see what his latest A1c is and get a better picture of what his current situation is.
All the best
Pavlos
Other than to reassure you that OH's levels have not reached dangerously high levels, I am not sure what purpose taking the occasional pre dinner count serves.
We test before and after meals in order to educate ourselves about how that specific meal affects our levels so that we may take corrective action if necessary the next time we have the same meal.
Your OH is reluctant to test and then does not seem to make any use of the result.
It sounds as if the test only serves to confirm to him that all is futile and that it is all out of his hands. For whatever reason it does sound as if he has given up on himself.
You obviously have not given up on him, despite the personal toll this is extracting from you.
I hope he comes to appreciate this; for his sake more than yours.
You probably need to wait and see how the meeting with his nurse will go. At least you will get to see what his latest A1c is and get a better picture of what his current situation is.
All the best
Pavlos
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