I was diagnosed aged 19 and had exactly the same response as your daughter. I fell out with my mum very badly. I did other things I'm not going to discuss on here!
Having been there, the advice my mum and I would give is:
- your daughter needs space to understand what it means for *her* to have diabetes (in praactical terms, emotional terms, and self-identity). No amount of you telling her what she ought to be doing can bring her to that understanding, she has to get there by herself. I am incredibly grateful to my mum that she realised this (not immediately, but she did in the end) and although it must have been so scary for her, she let me go and make my own mistakes. As a result, I got out of denial and into responsibility a lot faster than I would have if she hadn't stepped back.
- it is still very possible for your daughter to party, and to be independent. Her diagnosis means she has to understand a bit more about the way her body works - but she can still do the things her friends are doing. Diabetes is annoying sometimes but it's not a prison sentence.
- it's great if your daughter can find others with Type 1 to support her, that's very good advice indeed, and ALSO! you need support and help yourself, from people who can listen to all your fears. Yes, it's tough for her, but it's also very tough for you. My mum struggled with all those emotions by herself and didn't share the problems, and it would have been much better if she'd found a counsellor or someone who she could have just poured out her heart to.
now, many years on, I am long out the other side and I have some good things to say that I hope will make you feel better:
a) physically, I came through it; I am very much alive and well and in control of my diabetes (as much as anyone ever is!)
b) emotionally, my mum and I came through it; we are very good friends now and we can talk together about those bad times and laugh and hug
Good luck, you have all our good wishes!