A Hello and Goodbye

Hey Alex....life is full of ups and downs...this is certainly a down for you but you know what...the downs are always followed by and up....take care of yourself, talk to a counsellor (better than friends or family because they are not emotionally involved), treat yourself as someone special ... because you and because of all yr experiences you are a valuable member of our community...stay safe ... we ar relying on you. Hugs +++

I drive an auto, in fact my partner also drives an auto. Both of us have dodgy knees and going up and down the gears is a right royal pain. Learn to drive in an auto, you only have to concentrate on the road then.

Auto is good, one go pedal and one stop pedal.

There are other great things these days too - radio controlled off road vehicles, boats and planes. Some even get a buzz out of flying kites. There are kite trolleys around too that will zip you along with no gears.Horse riding, mountain biking. Mountain bikes are freedom machines up and over footpaths and down lanes and around paddocks and hills.

Adult trikes are good too and you can get them electric motor assisted I would like to bling-up one of those with a sound system and LED lights and the works. Adult trikes used to be expensive and now they are 1/4 of the price they were.

A great rig would be an adult trike with electric assist and a basket underneath for toys like a radio controlled vehicle. Or head out with paints and do some artwork by "plein air" or do the coffee shop run.

There are a lot more things that are even better than driving on a boring road.

Alexander13 said:

My only hope and wish was to drive.

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What is your issue With couch control.
Is it lack of experience of driving (bite points/ throttle controls etc.)
Is it a physical issue with your control over your legs ?

Most physical issues can be addressed they have autos, all electric (no gears), or even cars with hand controls.
If you issue is mental then it's harder to solve, though you have struggle for a long time take heart that many people have also struggled with driving but with time and experience they overcome their issues and end up driving.
As an example a friend from Uni took 9 driving exams and over a decade to pass his driving test.
He now has a car but still prefers scooters. As they can be ridden under restriction with a provisional license he spent so long on a number of different scooters when he couldn't drive that now he still prefers them to his car.

Alex

Driving a car takes time and practice. I have spent hours helping people drive cars ok. Getting the biting point is not at all impossible. Admittedly, todays modern cars have quiet engines but the older ones haven't. Get yourself an old Fiesta or Micra and practice in someones front garden or driveway. You will be able to hear the engine change tone as the clutch pedal slowly gets to the biting point. Its a bit like a dog pulling on a lead and you hold the lead tight so that the dog cant move. You can also practice in a field without even going out on the road. Also get yourself a lady ADI as we're the best.

As for being a van driver or taxi driver.......these are not very well paid jobs but if you want to do them, then you can as long as you test yr bg levels every 2hrs and eat some carb as and when you should and also have some sweets within easy reach on the dashboard... Better still to get cgm.....but nothing is that difficult.

Stop all this negative attitude that youve got..... Where the hell do you live for goodness sake as I will personally give you the practice you need if you are around West London........

Hi Alex, I came across your thread today, and have been reading through your responses and experiences. I know how unemployment feels, I spent a lot of time unemployed, or in low paid work making me miserable.
The key to making a difference in your life is to try different ways of looking at things. Just going in somewhere and giving a CV is usually not enough these days. During my unemployment, I was put on an employability course. They said that for every advertised job, there are on average 300 applicants. They also gave a number of ways to stand out from the crowd. I shall outline some points below:

-Always include a cover letter with your CV. Find something you want to apply for, and enquire about the role. Find out who deals with recruitment there, and put their name at the top of the cover letter. 'Dear sir or madam' is a turnoff, because it makes them feel you are just sending out generic copies with no interest in that specific job. If you put 'Dear Joe M Ployer', and then make reference to things highlighted in the job ad, it is far more likely to get their attention.

-Find ways to get experience. This is something you have been trying to do, but a change of tactics may be necessary. Look around and see if there is anywhere you can volunteer. A little retail work can go a long way to improving confidence. My wife worked in a shop for 4 years, and she is the shyest person I know. It really gave her a confidence boost, and brought her out of her shell. And if you can get something like that, it wouldn't hurt to mention your computer skills. It might turn out the shop wireless is on the blink, and if you can get the modem working, it will look good on you. That's the sort of thing you can put on your CV in a creative manner. E.g. 'At the Charity shop for lame pigeons, I was responsible for network maintenance and quality assurance.' That would be another way of saying 'No one could get on youtube in their lunch break, so I turned the router off and on again.'

-Be proactive. Advertising for staff costs companies time and money. They don't like spending time and money. This means that if you go to them, you are potentially saving them a lot of effort. This doesn't mean to go in somewhere and say 'You got any jobs going? No? Thanks, bye.' If you ask the girl/guy at the front desk, chances are they haven't got a clue. And if you hand them your CV, there is a very strong chance it won't get where you hope. Most likely they will forget about it, and it will find its way to the bin. Instead, ask who the management is, and again, who deals with recruitment. This does take a certain amount of confidence, which I know you struggle with. But going in remembering you have nothing to lose by asking can go a big way to help keep your nerve. If asking to speak to the person at the top is too much, at least find out their name. Then send them a letter. A physical letter is better than an email in my opinion, as it's more likely to get to them.

And while you are looking for work:
-Find a challenge. I'm not talking about the challenges you face every day, just to count yourself among the living the next day. I mean to find something you can take pride in, and pursue it. For me it's the piano. For you, it might be art, cookery, anything really. Do you do any creative writing? A lot of your posts here are eloquent and well written, almost to the point of poetry. Even if no one else reads what you write, it can be very therapeutic to put your thoughts down, and create something no one else has thought of. If you find you have a flair for it, I would suggest joining a local creative writing group, or a forum.

-Avoid the big mistake we all make from time to time. Don't believe that where you are today is where you will stay. If you put your mind to something, you can get there eventually. At times you will fall down. That doesn't matter. We learn best from our failures. If you keep trying, you will find your way. It may take months. I teach the piano. The students that do best are rarely the most naturally gifted. It's the ones that take pride and enjoyment, just from making the attempt. They find out things about themselves they did not expect. And that enjoyment leads to progress. The same can most definitely be true for you.

Best of luck, and please keep posting.

Pipp said:

Just because you have not managed it yet, does not mean you never will.

Alexander13,
It distresses me, and others when you talk of death. You have so much to live for. Have you considered some of the advice people have posted earlier?
About the driving. Some good suggestions here. What about learning in an automatic car.
As someone who was disabled in an accident, and have limited use of my left leg, I am still able to drive. There are people with greater impairment than I have who drive adapted vehicles. I think you too are able to achieve the skills to drive. First step is to believe in yourself.
Please keep chatting to forum members so we all want to know how you are getting on.

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Alex
Please consider trying with an automatic.

The reason why I suggest this is because once they are in "drive", they automatically go without your foot even being on the accelerator - and no clutch to worry about either. My first automatic mini was great... But my hubby first time I drove it had to remind me to either put foot on brake, or put in "park" at traffic lights and junctions etc as when in "drive" it does just that... It goes....

Alexander13 said:

. What use am I to this world? What dreams do I have now?

My death feels like the only valid response to this world, and overdue…
(given its incorrigible default to fear and hate, devoid of real love)

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negative comment deleted

Great advice from so many.

Wow!

We all have our niche and some do not find it when they need it most but we should not give up looking.

I am famous for doing too many different things but the way I see it there are so many more things to try and not enough time.

The most interesting aspect of developing new skills is how boring most things are until you get involved, then they can take over your life.

The hard part is cracking the boring shell that surrounds most sports, hobbies and interests.

So the way I see it is some people find stamp collecting interesting and it probably is when you crack the boring shell, so if stamp collecting is interesting, then WOW some other stuff must be AWESOME.

You do not have to do great big things, my son grows Bonsai and I have made Bonsai ornaments from coins and aluminium sheet and even aluminium cans and enjoyed the experience. On the bigger scale of "making" I have built houses, small boats and a car. But the Bonsai make was equally rewarding. I also do art and I have done a lot of miniature drawings and some quite large paintings. The small at the time of doing was once again just as consuming as the large. I trained and raced greyhounds and, lost more races than we won and I have made wine and beer and won competitions and made some **** wines and beers too.

But the interest is not only in the success it is in overcoming the "failures" because that is how we learn.

I have done archery (pretend hunt targets in bush settings) and made bows and arrows. One of the greatest buzzes you can have is to fire the first arrow from a bow that you have made. It is a long lead up (designing and making the bow) and then the aiming and the draw back which is storing your energy inside your bow then the release and all the energy in an instant as the arrow speeds away, maybe it hits a tree and breaks, it does not matter, it was all about you and no one can take that feeling of success away from you.

My avatar is a ventriloquist dummy I made, the dummy is great but I am the world's worst ventriloquist but "Tad Trendy" still makes me happy. I have no music ability or singing ability but I bought a Ukulele spent 1000 hours trying to learn to play it but all I can manage is a few chords that I play and make up my own little monologues and that makes me happy..

So with the ukulele instead of reaching for the stars on high I just trundle along at my level and feel content - BTW you can buy a playable ukulele very cheap and you can learn off the internet free and electronic tuners are cheap now too.

AVAGO at something crack the shell and get onto it, if it does not work out AVANOTHERGO there is no time to waste navel gazing.

.

I just remembered my Mother bought a computer and learned the basics now uses a tablet and she is 94. Last year for the first time in her life she started following the cricket on TV and she says she thoroughly enjoys it.

Things are happening all around us that are interesting yet we wave them away with a not interested comment. My mother could have been enjoying cricket for the last 85 years.

Alexander13 said:

My only hope and wish was to drive. A dream of mine as a child, to drive any car. No need for a sports car, anything at all but all efforts to achieve this goal have been in vain. It was the only thing keeping me going. I'm unable to do so due to out dated clutch technology. Despite lessons and using different cars, I can't use the clutch properly. And I don't see it happening anytime soon. Tried 6 times this week, rented dual control last week, everything. 3 years of this and I still can barely get a car to move, stop and move off from a stationary point without stalling, whiplash and complete failure. No biting point etc I just happen by some miracle when it works after the 5th attempt to shoot forward only to cause over rev and can't go into second. I've wasted money, wasted instructors time and fuel. What use am I to this world? What dreams do I have now?

My death feels like the only valid response to this world, and overdue…
(given its incorrigible default to fear and hate, devoid of real love)

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@Alexander13 I have followed this thread from your first post. There are so many people here that are trying to help you.
I find it interesting that you feel that 'clutch technology' is outdated because you can't master it, there are hundreds of thousands of people who can use a clutch in its current condition. Maybe you need someone to show you how? While I feel that I am now a highly competent driver, I was not able to competently drive the first time I climbed behind the wheel of a car. Or the second time. Or the tenth time. These things take time @Alexander13 as I'm sure you know. It seems, and I could be wrong (it wouldn't be the first time), that you expect instant results with everything that you do? That's not what happens in this life. You live, you learn, you try, you fail, you try again, you fail a little less this time, you learn, you try again and you do ok, you try again and now you're getting pretty good at this etcetera etcetera

Out of interest, and given the number of people that are attempting to help you (and bearing in mind that these people are doing so just because they can, and just because they think that you're worth it), where do you see this worlds "incorrigible default to fear and hate, devoid of real love"?
Surely the definition of real love is helping someone that you don't know? Surely the definition of real love is trying to help someone who gives the impression that they are beyond help? Surely the definition of real love is to give up your own time to offer a crumb of comfort to one who is suffering?

Listen to these kind, good, wonderful people @Alexander13, they truly want you to succeed.

Hi Alex

I hope that you are now feeling more positive. You have certainly made a lot of new friends who are happy to help you both on forum and via PM. Feel free to allow us to help during the bad times and to smile and laugh with you during the good times. Working through your own journey from diagnosis will hopefully let you offer help from your experiences to those in the future who need your help and encouragement.

This thread, in the Greetings and Introductions section of the forum, now appears to have done its work - we have a new friend and you have many new friends and a support network. Keep strong dear friend and I look forward to your involvement as part of our family here on diabetes.co.uk in your own new threads or in those of others.

Doug