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Advice for a concerned daughter

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#1Supporter

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My mum was diagnosed with T2 diabetes 3 years ago and hid the condition from the family for quite some time. She is deeply private person who also harbours a lot of shame and fear. I know a diagnosis is hard, especially when there's the perception that T2 is brought on by 'poor lifestyle choices', making the sufferer feel like a failure.

Whenever I try to broach the conversation, my mum will shut it down immediately. She has a very limited diet and dislikes a lot of food groups which I know is in part, why she refuses to change her diet. The food she does enjoy eating, is on every list of what to avoid so it feels like a big challenge for her to overcome.

I'm so worried about her and the consequences of ignoring the issue. She is taking more time off work than ever, is constantly exhausted and complaining of general poor health.

Unfortunately, the idea of joining this forum is a bit of a stretch for my mum (right now, I'm working on it!), but if anyone has gone through something similar with a loved one, or felt the same things themselves when initially diagnosed, I would be so grateful to hear any tips on what worked for you. I want to support in any way I can and I'm completely open to any suggestions!
 
Hello and welcome @#1Supporter :)

I think a local support group would be more beneficial for your mum, as it would help her to meet others in the same boat, unfortunately with diagnosis is denial, which is unhelpful as you can see, but meeting others would help her realise that she's not alone.

Try having a look here: https://www.diabetes.org.uk/how_we_help/local_support_groups
 
Thank you! This is a great resource and I'm glad to see there's support groups out there.

My mum is coming to visit this weekend, hopefully we can look at this together :)
 
If she is deeply private then perhaps a forum is the perfect solution to remain anonymous or just read and lurk. Maybe you could register her when she is with you and show her the ropes. Keep her signed in and then she can pick up and read whenever she feels inclined, which may be when she doesn’t feel “threatened”. Good luck x
Edited to add that I’m a deeply private person and the thought of a group would fill me with horror..... but I realise I’m probably weird :)
 
I don't want to make assumptions about what your mum's diet consists of, but if anything like mine pre-diagnosis cakes and sweet treats might feature highly. Does she enjoy baking, or at least is it something you could persuade her to take up? It is perfectly possible to make low carb cakes - there are many recipes that I can point you in the direction of if it is of any interest. Maybe you could make something for when she comes to stay and then make something with her for her to take home afterwards? If she realises that a change in diet doesn't have to mean missing out, maybe she will consider it... Good luck.
 
Have the docs offered her an education programme yet?

Also I lurked here for 3 months before registering, so she doesn't have to register straight away.

I felt awful prior and around diagnosis time. Once I reduced the carb - no floured products (bread, pastry, cake) or starchy veg/ potatoes - I felt so much better. Perhaps if she is visiting you, you can subtly offer low carb foods for her stay? Hopefully she might see the benefit in trialling a different approach?

In the end though you can't hold her hostage and if she doesn't want to try a different approach, you can't force her. Very difficult situation for you.
 
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